DD wants to party all the time, keeps getting sick
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Anonymous
| This sounds really irrational and mean, but I'm sure there's a good-parenting solution here. My DD, 10, who's a bit ADHD (not medicated) and *very* social keeps pushing herself to the limit with social activities/playtime and then keeps getting terrible colds which a) require husband and me to take days off and stay up at night with her and b) cause her to miss important days at school, sport games, performances. I can give examples but the details are quite tedious -- suffice it to say she insists on going to every single birthday sleepover, playdate, movie invitation she gets, and there are usually 2 of those a week in addition to afternoon playtime with the neighbors. Every time I tell her to stay home and rest she has a crying meltdown and begs to go out, and when I finally relent I end up regretting it the next day. My question: who's responsible here for keeping her healthy and ensuring she meets her school/extra-curricular obligations? She's generally a conscientious kid, gets good grades, wants to attend every soccer practice, and so on, even when she's sick. But she doesn't believe me when I tell her that running around too much will wear down her immune system, and I'm tired of fighting about it all the time (and having to stay awake all night taking care of her.) Help please! |
Anonymous
| She's 10. You're responsible for helping her to regulate herself. |
Anonymous
| Sounds lik3 a parenting issue, not a kid issue. |
Anonymous
| Uh I’m not sure the issue is playtime? She might just have a bad immune sytem |
Anonymous
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clearly there need to be some rules.
and why are you fighting? why are you expecting to agree? and why are you teaching her that meltdowns get her what she wants? you are headed for some serious trouble as she enters the teen years if you don't grow a spine ASAP. that said, is she really that busy, or do you have weird standards. I think she needs more sleep. |
Anonymous
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Parent up. Don’t let her do sleepovers if she stays up all night. Pick her up at 9:30.
If she’s sick, don’t drive her to soccer practice. Also time to boost her immune system. Cut the sugar. Up the fruits and vegetables. Give her probiotics. |
Anonymous
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Running around too much will not wear down her immune system. Not getting enough sleep might, but that's a different issue. Is she not sleeping?
I think you need to consider a couple issues here. One, I think the saying no and then relenting is bad bad bad. In this case, your reasoning isn't sound enough to say no, so stop saying no and then giving in. Bad bad precedent Two, why are her colds so bad that you need to take off work to stay home with her. It sounds like more than a cold and some serious issues on your part. Take her to a doctor, get her a full work-up, and see if there's something else going on. Or, you're overreacting to her having a cold |
Anonymous
| Perhaps you need to institute some hand washing rules for her if she wants to be around all of these different people all of the time. That would certainly help cut down on colds. |
Anonymous
| You should also consider her diet. If she eats a lot of sugar and carbs that could be part of the issue in her getting sick repeatedly. |
Anonymous
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Can you institute a "mandatory rest period" after every illness? I.e. if she had a cold and missed school Monday, no playdates until Thursday and no sleepovers the following weekend.
Also, does she have asthma or special medical issues that require you to be up nights with her when she has a cold, or stay home with her all day from work? A 10-yr old is often OK by herself for a few hours (depends on the kid). |
Anonymous
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1. WASH HANDS. Especially before eating. Review hand-washing and monitor for a few weeks. This is why she's getting sick! 2. Adequate sleep. 3. Good nutrition. |
Anonymous
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OP here:
-Yes I agree it's a parenting issue, I guess I was looking for support and advice on how to handle this -She eats almost no processed sugar or carbs - we mostly cook from scratch and eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day -She does have a weak immune system, especially a weak respiratory system, that's always been the case. During good times she does fine, but we moved here from overseas last year so I think she's catching all the bugs here before she rebuilds her immunity Question: any advice on the words I can use to get her to understand the issue and to listen to me better, with less conflict? (Before I get flamed for being a pushover - I'm not a pushover and my kids are quite reasonable in general. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this particular issue, that's why I'm here.) |
Anonymous
OP again: this is very helpful, a mandatory timeout would help a lot as she responds to consistent rules. No, she doesn't have any particular condition, we just stay up with her a night if she's coughing a lot and can't get back to sleep, to give her tea, do a Vaporub, sit her up, etc. I guess we could leave her at home. |
Anonymous
In this season, perhaps it's not colds but allergies, OP. She needs to see an allergist. Coughing could be mild symptoms of asthma. My son with asthma starts to cough in April when the tree pollen comes. We start getting cold symptoms every April, and it's always a bit tricky to tell at first whether it's a virus or allergies - often it's both at first, especially in the colder days of April. Then as the pollen count starts getting really high, it's clear that it's allergies, and we use nasal sprays and eye drops, and my son has his inhaler. |
Anonymous
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PP again - if it's throughout the year, it could also be an allergy to dust mites, which are prevalent in bedding and upholstery. Or mold.
So a skin test to test whether she is allergic to all these things would be REALLY useful. You don't want to be like my mother, who for years thought I was getting colds, and who only realized I was extremely allergic to pollen when my eye allergy was so bad it nearly permanently damaged my cornea - the ophthalmologist read her the riot act. |