Gender disappointment on second one

[Anonymous]

Hi all, I just found out the gender of my second child (same as first - girl) but I am still feeling disappointed. I am very grateful for this pregnancy since the first one took me 5 years. I always want one of each gender and knowing this is my last chance to get pregnant I am super disappointed. I am trying to think positive such as same gender sibling is better and they can share clothes and etc. But it is still very hard for me. What did you guys do to overcome this?

[Anonymous]

Your child will be who they are despite your expectations or desires. Gender is just the start. If you have children to fulfill your own desires, you’re in for lots of disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Same gender sibling is actually better. Your older dd gets a sister. It’s a really special thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same gender sibling is actually better. Your older dd gets a sister. It’s a really special thing.

This is what I've discovered. Having 3 boys is a true blessing for the boys. They really do have an ideal childhood and a great bond. Having a girl in the mix would have been ideal for ME but this way us clearly better for them. Same sex siblings are a blessing.

[Anonymous]

Get over it.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe you are really disappointed. I have two girls and would never want to change that. I was hoping for another girl. We are planning to try for a third his summer and I am again hoping it will be a girl. They are the best friends and have a super special bond. Plus girls are at lower risk for so many disease (ASD). I would have been happy with a bit too of course, but was super happy it was another girl. Maybe you should not have gotten pregnant with this second baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are really disappointed. I have two girls and would never want to change that. I was hoping for another girl. We are planning to try for a third his summer and I am again hoping it will be a girl. They are the best friends and have a super special bond. Plus girls are at lower risk for so many disease (ASD). I would have been happy with a bit too of course, but was super happy it was another girl. Maybe you should not have gotten pregnant with this second baby

Different people, who are not you, may have opinions and feelings about stuff that are different from yours, on account of being different people who are not you.

[Anonymous]

Wait, I thought that according to dcum gender no longer exists. Just raise her as a boy.

[Anonymous]

I can see your disappointment and think it's normal. We aren't finding out the sex until birth and I'm sure there will be a slight disappointment either way. It would be fantastic to have same sex siblings, but it also would be nice to have one of each. We go back and forth on which way we'd prefer. I'm sure my first child would prefer a same sex sibling though, so I lean that way. I think we plan on 3 kids though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are really disappointed. I have two girls and would never want to change that. I was hoping for another girl. We are planning to try for a third his summer and I am again hoping it will be a girl. They are the best friends and have a super special bond. Plus girls are at lower risk for so many disease (ASD). I would have been happy with a bit too of course, but was super happy it was another girl. Maybe you should not have gotten pregnant with this second baby

What a cruel thing to say. Just stop it. Who says mean things like that? A mean person.

OP, I can understand. I love my boys, but will always have a piece of me that mourns not having a daughter. But I had many losses and know that gratitude for getting two is the best way to deal with any kind of disappointment at not getting one of each.

Do you have a sister with whom you are close? If so, take delight in the friendship your girls will likely have as sisters. Plus you won't have to buy a whole new set of clothes!

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

You need to practice gratitude, OP.

[Anonymous]

There's always something someone is missing out on. I have a boy and a girl. And I'm sad my DD won't ever have a sister. Or my DS won't ever have a brother.

But that's just how it is. You'll love your two girls. Once she's here, you won't even believe you were sad to know she was a girl because she will be so awesome.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people experience this - you are just saying it out loud. Sorry you are feeling this way.

Someone explained this "disappointment" to me in a way that might be helpful to you. Before you know the sex of the baby, you have two imaginary babies - a potential son and a potential daughter. Once you find out, one of those imaginary babies will no longer be. For you, since you say this is probably your last child, this situation is especially true since you likely will not have a chance to have another son at all. To some people, that is a loss that they want to mourn. That's your choice, and it's fine.

Let yourself feel your feelings now and then try to let it go. Sisters will be such a great gift to each other and really, the sex is one of the least important things about a baby. But I think you already know that. Hope you feel better soon, OP, and don't beat yourself up in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, op. I get it. I struggled when I found out our first, who we thought would very likely be an "only", was a boy. I had a hard time dealing with the thought of never having a daughter. Of course my feelings changed once he arrived, and when I did manage to get pregnant again, I was excited for either.

But I know that feeling. It's not sadness about what you are getting to experience, it's sadness about what you are not getting to experience. I get it. You'll be okay once she arrives, but it's okay to be a little sad now.

[Anonymous]

i wanted a girl in each of my 3 pregnancies and got a girl every time... and every time I was a bit disappointed because I realized I won't be having a boy. You literally can't have it all even when you get exactly what you want.