Gender disappointment on second one

[Anonymous]

Father of three awesome daughters here. You don't do anything to get over it, other than periodically remind yourself of how lucky you are to have the wonderful kids that you do. But there's this little disappointment that you won't have what you originally imagined, and I can't do anything about that other than acknowledge it and move on. Life comes with some disappointments and wistfulness about what might have been, and you can't always "conquer" everything. It's just there.

[Anonymous]

I understand OP. I really wanted a girl. I'm super close with my mom and sister. I love my boys but still I wished I had a daughter. I don't think about it much but with prom and other activities it still stings a little.

[Anonymous]

I'm finding 3 of the same gender is easier - they play the same things together, hand me downs for clothes/toys work out, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are really disappointed. I have two girls and would never want to change that. I was hoping for another girl. We are planning to try for a third his summer and I am again hoping it will be a girl. They are the best friends and have a super special bond. Plus girls are at lower risk for so many disease (ASD). I would have been happy with a bit too of course, but was super happy it was another girl. Maybe you should not have gotten pregnant with this second baby

Different people, who are not you, may have opinions and feelings about stuff that are different from yours, on account of being different people who are not you.

+1. Some of the people on this board...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same gender sibling is actually better. Your older dd gets a sister. It’s a really special thing.

This is what I've discovered. Having 3 boys is a true blessing for the boys. They really do have an ideal childhood and a great bond. Having a girl in the mix would have been ideal for ME but this way us clearly better for them. Same sex siblings are a blessing.

Totally agree. I think there are pros and cons to any mix but my older 2 are boys and they are best friends. It is amazing and I can't believe how lucky they are to have each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are really disappointed. I have two girls and would never want to change that. I was hoping for another girl. We are planning to try for a third his summer and I am again hoping it will be a girl. They are the best friends and have a super special bond. Plus girls are at lower risk for so many disease (ASD). I would have been happy with a bit too of course, but was super happy it was another girl. Maybe you should not have gotten pregnant with this second baby

I agree with this PP. I wanted a boy for our second, but had a girl, and could not be happier. My daughters are super close. I never had a sister and their bond is magical for me to watch. Now we are expecting number 3 - another girl! We would have been happy either way for the third (we decided it only made sense to try for a third if we were NOT doing it based on an attempt for a boy). I am so excited to have three daughters.

[Anonymous]

I was the exact opposite, I wanted a second girl and got a boy. In retrospect, this was so silly. My kids are so much more than their gender.

But the reason I wanted a second girl is that my sister and I were *so close* in childhood, and I think being same-gendered helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the exact opposite, I wanted a second girl and got a boy. In retrospect, this was so silly. My kids are so much more than their gender.

But the reason I wanted a second girl is that my sister and I were *so close* in childhood, and I think being same-gendered helped.

NP and this is the situation I'm in. We just found out that second baby is a boy, and I can't help but be slightly disappointed which I *know* is silly and that I'll love him like crazy when he's here. Can you tell me a little more about your kids' relationship and what's really great about a older girl/ younger boy sibling pair? I'd love to have some concrete things to look forward to

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad you posted your disappointment and I'm so sorry that you have had mean comments. This is a perfect place to come to help "get over it". You asked for other people's help in overcoming it and I love that other than some meanness, you got exactly that. It is proper and good to mourn the loss of what you were expecting. Many here have found that same sex siblings have been a wonderful match. You aren't alone in feeling this way. And you're going to love that new baby when she gets here. My addition - You'll gain sons when/if your daughters marry and you are likely to have grandSONs, so this isn't the end for you.

[Anonymous]

Haha ah man it's hard! I had one daughter and just found out I'm pregnant with a boy, and I'm SO bummed. I know it's not rational (and that I'll get over it and be fine) but I have cried multiple times this week...was soo wanting another girl. Maybe we should trade?! (Jk)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haha ah man it's hard! I had one daughter and just found out I'm pregnant with a boy, and I'm SO bummed. I know it's not rational (and that I'll get over it and be fine) but I have cried multiple times this week...was soo wanting another girl. Maybe we should trade?! (Jk)

*should've said have, not had. She's 2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the exact opposite, I wanted a second girl and got a boy. In retrospect, this was so silly. My kids are so much more than their gender.

But the reason I wanted a second girl is that my sister and I were *so close* in childhood, and I think being same-gendered helped.

so this is me too. I wanted a second girl because I LOVE having a girl. Also, my brother and I are NOT close at all and I wanted my DD to have someone she was close to. I am still pregnant with this boy, so I can't really say how it's going to go. OP, I'll tell you what everyone told me when I was upset over being preg with a boy- be grateful for what you've got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, I thought that according to dcum gender no longer exists. Just raise her as a boy.

Mic drop.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to stop thinking of the gender and realize you're going to have two people, first and foremost. Even the posts about how same gender siblings are "better" kind of buys into a lot of gender stereotypes. I have a sister, so I get it. But at the end of the day, girls and boys are people and how and whether they get along is going to be based on their personalities and interests, which are not set in stone based on whether they're boys or girls.

I have a boy and a girl and mine tend to meet in the middle. Both of my kids in their own ways are all about their gender and in other ways aren't at all. They get along great. Who knows what the future holds.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you feel disappointed. I have a girl and am having a second girl and am SO EXCITED. Sisters are such a gift.