Brother behavior-why so bad together??
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My DD are 9 and 5. They love each other very much and play nicely together. But, after playing, sometimes even after a few minutes, they fight. I used to think they were brothers, best friends one minute and fighting the next. Recently, the behavior has become very immature. It is almost the type of behavior when they were in daycare at 2 or 3 years old. This weekend, 2 of us went away, so they were separate. Both were complete angels the entire time-polite, fun, silly and just all around wonderful to be around. The minute we were all together again, they were back at it. Has anyone else experienced something like this? Any recommendations on how to get them to get all my for longer than 10 minutes? |
Anonymous
|
Boys. That's what they do. Honestly, the 9 year old should be outgrowing this by now somewhat.
With mine, once they start fighting I separate them out and make them do different activities away from each other for at least an hour. It resets them and also the older they get, the more they realize that if they fight, they will have to stop whatever activity they are doing. Reinforce that "no" means NO. In all contexts, always. |
Anonymous
| This is just a sibling thing. Not a gender thing, a sibling thing. It's normal |
Anonymous
This. I have a son and a daughter and they are like this. I remember hanging out then having an immature fight with my sister all though our teenage years. We drive our parents crazy with arguing and we were both girls. We grew out of it. In college. |
Anonymous
Yep, could have written this same post about my two DDs, ages 7 and 5. They were just awful (embarrassingly so) at school evening events, so much so that we stopped taking them. This year, older DD really wanted to attend a special night, so I took her by herself. And it was amazing. We started alternating events so that they got to go to things, but separately. Same with running errands. Sometimes they're fine together, but if it's a questionable time of day (late evening, especially when they haven't had a "winding down" time after school) they just can't be out together. At home, they will be monsters and we can contain it, but for now, no evening school events together. |
Anonymous
| I now take my teenage boys on seperate vacations. It is so peaceful and pleasant. |
Anonymous
|
Dr. Laura Markham is one of my favorite parenting experts. She just published a book last year on peacefully parenting siblings. I highly recommend it!
https://smile.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Siblings-Fighting/dp/0399168451/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526306303&sr=8-1&keywords=peaceful+siblings&dpID=51gW7xqJrFL&preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch |
Anonymous
|
My boys are 8 and 12 -- so the same age gap. They are best buds but they fight a lot. It seems to come and go in phases -- how much they fight. When it starts getting bad, I try to make a point of getting them away from each other awhile. I think the issue is often that the oldest has outgrown some of the things his little brother is into. I think it would be helpful if the oldest could play with friends his own age more while also making sure the youngest doesn't feel left out (by letting him play with his friends or going on outings with me or DH).
I do think sibling fighting is more pronounced with same-sex siblings. And, I think with boys the fighting tends to get more physical. |
Anonymous
| My boys are 6 & 9 and this is my life! They start first thing in the morning and wake everyone like an alarm clock. I have a girl as well and I will say there IS a different dynamic to the boy's play and it's so hard to turn off the rowdiness sometimes. I cannot sign them up for the same camps because they won't leave each other alone. |
Anonymous
| My sister and ai got in a massive physical altrecation when we were in high school. We fought like crazy all growing up. We are best friends as adults. |
Anonymous
...if you had 2 girls you would not be saying this. I have 2 and 2 and agree with PP, it's a sibling thing |
Anonymous
|
In my personal experience and that of friends and family it is common, but much depends on temperament of the child. Do they play sports to get some of that aggressiveness out? Many brothers bond through physical play. I saw this with my 4 brothers. Separation is a good tactic and spending time alone with each helps as well. Does anyone get hurt when they rough house? When they get going can they take it outside? You can make the rule that there is no rowdy behavior indoors. Does the instigator have consequences? How about the rule they learn in preschool and kindergarten to keep your hands to yourself? I know it is exhausting sometimes so hang in there.
|
Anonymous
|
Who are these people that derail every thread where someone mentions having a male child in order to insist that there are no differences between boys and girls? I was just on a thread in the decorating forum the other day where this happened. It's bizarre.
|
Anonymous
2nd PP: "Boys. It's what they do." Who are these people that derail every thread where someone mentions having a male child in order to insist that negative behavior is boy-specific and never appears in girls? |
Anonymous
| My two kids (6 and 8) fight like crazy with brief interludes of having fun. They drive me nuts. No advice, only sympathy. |