How to deal with impulse control problem in a child with ADHD?

[Anonymous]

What techniques do you use to help your child get a reign on herself and learn impulse control?

I’m getting complaints from the teacher about my 2nd grader DAILY. I’m at my wits end - talking is not solving, punishment is not solving, threatening is not solving, praising is not solving.

There is nothing major, but little things that add up.

Examples: she finished her work and got out of the table while holding her pencil. By accident, she hit another student on the cheek with the pencil and was sent to vice-principal office. Everything was straightedge out, she wrote a letter of apology, other student said it was an accident etc. Vice-principal realized it was an accident as well and told her to come up with her own punishment (which she did). The pencil thing was an accident, but she shouldn’t been out of her desk to begin with.

Got another email the next day complaining that she was talking during class. Teacher asked her to stop, she would stop but soon after he would need to call her out again.

Yesterday I got a complaint that, while playing with a boy during recess, she said she was going to kill him. It was part of their play but the teacher overheard and told her it not say that. Five min later, she said it again.

Today. Another complaint about talking.

Academically she has no problems in either math or reading (loves to read). Socially there are a few problems with one boy and some “boys vs. girls” drama, but in general, she is very social and well liked with many friends (boys and girls, but mostly girls).

So how to deal with this? She KNOWS any talking of killing, even if it is only playing and both parts know it, is NOT appropriate.

She KNOWS she is not supposed to talk during class or at least, if admonished once, for the love of god, do not repeat the behavior!

I need techniques to help her control her impulses and make better judgment. To THINK before acting.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

She needs an IEP and/or meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs an IEP and/or meds.

Where is the educational impact? She’s not going to get an IEP for this.

[Anonymous]

She needs medication.

[Anonymous]

My DD is the same. SHe insists on being first at everything in the classroom, first in line, first to finish an assignment, etc. to the extent she has pissed all the other kids off and she is generally ostracized. So at least your kid still has friends! Maybe try a different med? Positive reinforcement--like if she controls her talking in class the entire day she earns TV, or some reward to motivate better behavior. This is so hard and frustrating as a parent to try everything and nothing seems to stick. Stupid ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Intuniv supposedly helps with impulse control. I do think that you need to have a meeting with teachers and administrators and let them know that she has challenges as a byproduct of the ADHD and ask them to help with strategies rather than being punitive. For instance, if everyone realized the pencil thing was an accident, why’d she have to be punished and write an apology letter? If she can’t sit still at her table, perhaps movement breaks should be built in. She needs to recognize that her actions are unacceptable and at the same time there need to be tools to manage the behavior. Also a behavior chart may help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intuniv supposedly helps with impulse control. I do think that you need to have a meeting with teachers and administrators and let them know that she has challenges as a byproduct of the ADHD and ask them to help with strategies rather than being punitive. For instance, if everyone realized the pencil thing was an accident, why’d she have to be punished and write an apology letter? If she can’t sit still at her table, perhaps movement breaks should be built in. She needs to recognize that her actions are unacceptable and at the same time there need to be tools to manage the behavior. Also a behavior chart may help.

+1 The punishment for the pencil thing seems harsh. Sounds like she needs more movement breaks built into her day. My kid's K class actually has flexible seating options. Is it possible to get her a balance ball chair or some other type of seating that allows her to wiggle a bit.

[Anonymous]

She needs medication.

[Anonymous]

Its important to help the teacher manage this. She is asking you for strategies and I agree that a wiggle seat or balance ball could help. The ability to move during class - take a water break, take a lap around the room, etc. could help. Maybe try yoga or breathing exercises to help your child focus. Meds would probably help too. The important thing is for the teacher to know you are trying to help them manage your child. If behavior was worse you could do a daily behavior chart but it doesn't sound like its there yet. But if your child feels like they are getting called out daily, then anxiety could creep in and then its worse for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Lots of well intentioned advice here but the teacher is way overreacting. WAY overreacting. Your child's behaviors are perfectly within the range of normal for this grade.

I would ask the teacher to start with a behavior chart where she gets one goal about talking. This is the easiest thing to do and the teacher should already have done it if you're getting so many reports. You should also talk to the teacher about letting her get a movement "break" between activities so she can get extra energy out. I also like the idea of a wiggle seat. You could try a fidget.

IMO it's too soon and too extreme to start meds.

These are only a few incidents spread out over many days. The kids I know who are medicated would do this and more during the span of a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Our child's classroom has a three strikes rule and it's common for kids to not follow the first or second time when given a direction not to talk FWIW. It happens every day because my DD reports back the children who got two strikes that day. It's sometimes her. Three strikes means a note home, but our DD's teacher is really positive about it and doesn't see it as a huge problem. When it's happened to DD she just says it happens with almost every kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs medication.

This. Do you think your child wants to behave like this? The end of second grade is when my son came home crying (and he never cries) that he is tired of "being bad." I knew it was time to get him evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of well intentioned advice here but the teacher is way overreacting. WAY overreacting. Your child's behaviors are perfectly within the range of normal for this grade.

I would ask the teacher to start with a behavior chart where she gets one goal about talking. This is the easiest thing to do and the teacher should already have done it if you're getting so many reports. You should also talk to the teacher about letting her get a movement "break" between activities so she can get extra energy out. I also like the idea of a wiggle seat. You could try a fidget.

IMO it's too soon and too extreme to start meds.

These are only a few incidents spread out over many days. The kids I know who are medicated would do this and more during the span of a few hours.

Nope. If this happens daily and your child basically disregards the teachers directions a few minutes after being given, there is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of well intentioned advice here but the teacher is way overreacting. WAY overreacting. Your child's behaviors are perfectly within the range of normal for this grade.

I would ask the teacher to start with a behavior chart where she gets one goal about talking. This is the easiest thing to do and the teacher should already have done it if you're getting so many reports. You should also talk to the teacher about letting her get a movement "break" between activities so she can get extra energy out. I also like the idea of a wiggle seat. You could try a fidget.

IMO it's too soon and too extreme to start meds.

These are only a few incidents spread out over many days. The kids I know who are medicated would do this and more during the span of a few hours.

Nope. If this happens daily and your child basically disregards the teachers directions a few minutes after being given, there is a problem.

OP has already had her DC diagnosed so she is aware that there is a problem. However, the problem is not huge and the behaviors are within the range of normal for this grade.

[Anonymous]

I know plenty of kids who have these behaviors in 2nd and do not have a diagnosis of ADHD. They do better each year and by the time they are in late elementary they are indistinguishable from the rest of the kids. I'm glad most of the teachers at our school aren't crazy and push kids to medicating.