How to deal with impulse control problem in a child with ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks everyone. She is not medicated. I exchanged another email with the teacher last night/earlier today expressing my concerns and he said he thinks her behavior got worse (as opposed to normal kids misbehaving here and there) since her cat died 2 weeks ago.

I hadn’t correlate both issues because we had the cat for only 3 weeks before she died unexpectedly of a heart attack (vet thinks) about 2 weeks ago.

My daughter had been begging for a cat for years and that cat was a sweetheart... although we have already gotten another cat, I guess the loss made a bigger impact on her than aí had previously thought.

The teacher also suggested on his own accord to give her some room to move around when she needs. And I have ordered one of those fidgety cubes and stress ball from Amazon as well.

However, while I realize her behavior has gotten really “bad” these past two weeks (as I mentioned, I get an email daily) and aí dearly hope it is because of the cat’s death (teacher insight), she DOES have an impulse control problem.

As she is going to 3rd grade AAP, I’m worried because I know 3rd grade is a turning point and more is expected from students (AAP or not, but I’m guessing AAP can be worse?).

My daughter has been begging me to take Tae Knon Do since she was six because she would like to “learn to fight.” I have always dismissed because in the back of my mind I think “yeah, all I need is for you to kick or punch someone at school!”... I’m not familiar with martial arts, but maybe I should reconsider it? Maybe it will teach her self discipline? Or is that a myth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks everyone. She is not medicated. I exchanged another email with the teacher last night/earlier today expressing my concerns and he said he thinks her behavior got worse (as opposed to normal kids misbehaving here and there) since her cat died 2 weeks ago.

I hadn’t correlate both issues because we had the cat for only 3 weeks before she died unexpectedly of a heart attack (vet thinks) about 2 weeks ago.

My daughter had been begging for a cat for years and that cat was a sweetheart... although we have already gotten another cat, I guess the loss made a bigger impact on her than aí had previously thought.

The teacher also suggested on his own accord to give her some room to move around when she needs. And I have ordered one of those fidgety cubes and stress ball from Amazon as well.

However, while I realize her behavior has gotten really “bad” these past two weeks (as I mentioned, I get an email daily) and aí dearly hope it is because of the cat’s death (teacher insight), she DOES have an impulse control problem.

As she is going to 3rd grade AAP, I’m worried because I know 3rd grade is a turning point and more is expected from students (AAP or not, but I’m guessing AAP can be worse?).

My daughter has been begging me to take Tae Knon Do since she was six because she would like to “learn to fight.” I have always dismissed because in the back of my mind I think “yeah, all I need is for you to kick or punch someone at school!”... I’m not familiar with martial arts, but maybe I should reconsider it? Maybe it will teach her self discipline? Or is that a myth?

Impulse control issues are a part of ADHD. Asking how to make them go away is basically asking how to make her ADHD go away. You can't, you can only give her tools to help her manage.

Unintrusive fidget toys and periodic breaks to move around in class are a good starting point for managing impulsivity in the classroom. Even if she doesn't qualify for an IEP, she likely qualifies for a 504 and then you can get the accommodations for her written into a document that will follow her year to year. You might also want to take her for an OT evaluation, because if there's a sensory component to her impulsivity, they may be able to help her develop the ability to recognize when her body is feeling a little off kilter and some strategies for getting herself back to a comfortable state. A social skills program might help for the social issues you referenced.

If you try all of these things and she's still struggling, it may be time to consider medication. I get the hesitation, I've been there, but if she simply does not have the ability to meet the expectations set for her without it, it's not fair to keep setting her up to fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks everyone. She is not medicated. I exchanged another email with the teacher last night/earlier today expressing my concerns and he said he thinks her behavior got worse (as opposed to normal kids misbehaving here and there) since her cat died 2 weeks ago.

I hadn’t correlate both issues because we had the cat for only 3 weeks before she died unexpectedly of a heart attack (vet thinks) about 2 weeks ago.

My daughter had been begging for a cat for years and that cat was a sweetheart... although we have already gotten another cat, I guess the loss made a bigger impact on her than aí had previously thought.

The teacher also suggested on his own accord to give her some room to move around when she needs. And I have ordered one of those fidgety cubes and stress ball from Amazon as well.

However, while I realize her behavior has gotten really “bad” these past two weeks (as I mentioned, I get an email daily) and aí dearly hope it is because of the cat’s death (teacher insight), she DOES have an impulse control problem.

As she is going to 3rd grade AAP, I’m worried because I know 3rd grade is a turning point and more is expected from students (AAP or not, but I’m guessing AAP can be worse?).

My daughter has been begging me to take Tae Knon Do since she was six because she would like to “learn to fight.” I have always dismissed because in the back of my mind I think “yeah, all I need is for you to kick or punch someone at school!”... I’m not familiar with martial arts, but maybe I should reconsider it? Maybe it will teach her self discipline? Or is that a myth?

There's a number of things here to unpack.

1. She's AAP - which means she's getting bored at the end of the day because she's finished her work and she can't sit still. Normal for ADHD kids. She needs more work that will challenge her or she needs to be able to walk around.
2. It's the end of the year. Without fail, my ADHD kid became a "problem child" around this time of year. There's lots of sitting around time, kids want to go outside and play, they are done with sitting in one place all the time. It's gotten better since being medicated, and you can probably grin and bear it for a while more as long as her self-esteem isn't plummeting due to the teachers constantly calling her out.
3. TKD - is known as a sport that is good for kids with ADHD because it gives them tools to help them focus, and all TKD dojos I know teach the importance of NOT using your skills except on the mat. You need to find a good dojo though that can deal with these kids without shaming them. Many dojos operate on a shaming system that does not mesh well with ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intuniv supposedly helps with impulse control. I do think that you need to have a meeting with teachers and administrators and let them know that she has challenges as a byproduct of the ADHD and ask them to help with strategies rather than being punitive. For instance, if everyone realized the pencil thing was an accident, why’d she have to be punished and write an apology letter? If she can’t sit still at her table, perhaps movement breaks should be built in. She needs to recognize that her actions are unacceptable and at the same time there need to be tools to manage the behavior. Also a behavior chart may help.

+1 sounds like her teacher and school are not understanding that she’s lacking impulse control and cannot help it. She should be corrected and reminded of her mistakes/misbehaviors, but emailing home daily and writing apology notes and seeing the principal over accidents seems a bit much. She’s 7, not 13. I’d be pissed, OP. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intuniv supposedly helps with impulse control. I do think that you need to have a meeting with teachers and administrators and let them know that she has challenges as a byproduct of the ADHD and ask them to help with strategies rather than being punitive. For instance, if everyone realized the pencil thing was an accident, why’d she have to be punished and write an apology letter? If she can’t sit still at her table, perhaps movement breaks should be built in. She needs to recognize that her actions are unacceptable and at the same time there need to be tools to manage the behavior. Also a behavior chart may help.

+1 sounds like her teacher and school are not understanding that she’s lacking impulse control and cannot help it. She should be corrected and reminded of her mistakes/misbehaviors, but emailing home daily and writing apology notes and seeing the principal over accidents seems a bit much. She’s 7, not 13. I’d be pissed, OP. I’m sorry.

Unfortunately, unless OP's child has an IEP or 504, the teacher really can't treat her differently than she would any other child doing the same things, she needs to enforce the rules equally.

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend you consider having her evaluated for medication. We really struggled with DD's behavior for years. Nothing, and I mean nothing worked. DD has such poor impulse control that she couldn't focus and or think about the reward/consequence before acting out. Meds have made a tremendous difference, she's still a challenge behaviorally but everyone's life, including hers have improved with the right treatment. I feel your pain OP, been there, done that. Getting that call/email is emotionally draining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of well intentioned advice here but the teacher is way overreacting. WAY overreacting. Your child's behaviors are perfectly within the range of normal for this grade.

I would ask the teacher to start with a behavior chart where she gets one goal about talking. This is the easiest thing to do and the teacher should already have done it if you're getting so many reports. You should also talk to the teacher about letting her get a movement "break" between activities so she can get extra energy out. I also like the idea of a wiggle seat. You could try a fidget.

IMO it's too soon and too extreme to start meds.

These are only a few incidents spread out over many days. The kids I know who are medicated would do this and more during the span of a few hours.

Nope. If this happens daily and your child basically disregards the teachers directions a few minutes after being given, there is a problem.

OP has already had her DC diagnosed so she is aware that there is a problem. However, the problem is not huge and the behaviors are within the range of normal for this grade.

No. I have volunteered for years in elementary schools, and this is not normal even for Kindergarten. OP says it is daily, remember. No neurotypical child gets into trouble daily for that kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

aww, I"m so sorry to hear about her cat. You want to help her grieve. I read my DS City Dog, Country Frog when my dad died. You could get it from the library, read it a few nights, talk to her about what was special about cat one and help her find ways to remember/celebrate that cat.

As someone who is still grieving for my cat who died 3 years ago (I had had her for 12 years), I don't think cats are replaceable "with a new cat," so you may not want to see the new cat as just an extension of the old cat but simply as a new cat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of well intentioned advice here but the teacher is way overreacting. WAY overreacting. Your child's behaviors are perfectly within the range of normal for this grade.

I would ask the teacher to start with a behavior chart where she gets one goal about talking. This is the easiest thing to do and the teacher should already have done it if you're getting so many reports. You should also talk to the teacher about letting her get a movement "break" between activities so she can get extra energy out. I also like the idea of a wiggle seat. You could try a fidget.

IMO it's too soon and too extreme to start meds.

These are only a few incidents spread out over many days. The kids I know who are medicated would do this and more during the span of a few hours.

Nope. If this happens daily and your child basically disregards the teachers directions a few minutes after being given, there is a problem.

OP has already had her DC diagnosed so she is aware that there is a problem. However, the problem is not huge and the behaviors are within the range of normal for this grade.

No. I have volunteered for years in elementary schools, and this is not normal even for Kindergarten. OP says it is daily, remember. No neurotypical child gets into trouble daily for that kind of thing.

This is BS. I spent a lot of time in my DS's K class this year. DS has adhd but is medicated and generally well behaved in class. However, at ANY given moment, there are 3 or 4 kids totally doing the kind of "harmless disruptive" things that OP's 7 year old is doing. Moving around the classroom when they shouldn't be, talking out of turn, bouncing around in line. You're a jerk to kids if you think otherwise. (and my son isn't one of those kids, thanks to his meds - but i'm sympathetic to the neurotypical kids who are moving around because it's so normal).

[Anonymous]

You do not need meds (this will not solve all of your problems) or an IEP to attend Lunch Bunch, if your school offers it. Once a week a group of kids (can vary from week to week or stay the same for a period) get together in the school psych's office to discuss a topic or two. This last week's topic at my kids' school was "the impact of your behavior on others". Topics range from taking turns, personal space, sharing, poor/good choices, etc. Kids tend to enjoy it because they get to play games, find solutions that work, no one is yelling at them, and work in a small group. My ADHD son and non-ADHD son have both attended and give it a positive rating. Both have made behavior improvements. Even if your school currently doesn't do Lunch Bunch, it would be easy to set up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intuniv supposedly helps with impulse control. I do think that you need to have a meeting with teachers and administrators and let them know that she has challenges as a byproduct of the ADHD and ask them to help with strategies rather than being punitive. For instance, if everyone realized the pencil thing was an accident, why’d she have to be punished and write an apology letter? If she can’t sit still at her table, perhaps movement breaks should be built in. She needs to recognize that her actions are unacceptable and at the same time there need to be tools to manage the behavior. Also a behavior chart may help.

+1 sounds like her teacher and school are not understanding that she’s lacking impulse control and cannot help it. She should be corrected and reminded of her mistakes/misbehaviors, but emailing home daily and writing apology notes and seeing the principal over accidents seems a bit much. She’s 7, not 13. I’d be pissed, OP. I’m sorry.

Unfortunately, unless OP's child has an IEP or 504, the teacher really can't treat her differently than she would any other child doing the same things, she needs to enforce the rules equally.

I don't know if this is a true statement. While an IEP or 504 *requires* a teacher to adjust their expectations/rules for a designated kid, the absence of an IEP or 504 doesn't mean a teacher is barred from having different expectations for different kids. My son has adhd (no IEP or 504) and his great K teacher was always giving him a pass for minor infractions that she might have been on other kids for. She knows he has more squirminess than other kids (just to use an example), and shouldn't get yelled at every time he's in line and his body is moving. He shouldn't have to get an IEP or 504 for that.

[Anonymous]

Kids like this become very unpopular as time goes on. Can you imagine being in class with students like this day in and day out? Time for meds. This is not normal behavior for a 2nd grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs an IEP and/or meds.

Where is the educational impact? She’s not going to get an IEP for this.

One of the grounds for an IEP is deficiencies in the "attending" area. If she so so impulsive she can't pay attention in class, that would be a basis for an IEP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know plenty of kids who have these behaviors in 2nd and do not have a diagnosis of ADHD. They do better each year and by the time they are in late elementary they are indistinguishable from the rest of the kids. I'm glad most of the teachers at our school aren't crazy and push kids to medicating.

I would have said this when DS was in 4th-5th grade. He'd seemed to improve from the horrible impulse control issues of K-2nd grade but, as it turns out, never really improved from there. Which I didn't know because the middle school was horrible about communicating. It all came to a head in freshman year and we finally had him evaluated and started medication and tutoring. He is doing so much better and has a much more positive attitude about school. I wish I had saved him years of feeling bad about himself at school.

I don't know if OP's child would benefit from medication, and I know we would not have used medication as the first option if we'd gotten his diagnosis in ES but having more knowledge about what was going on (other than, oh, he's just young for grade and really extroverted, he'll outgrow it) could only have helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intuniv supposedly helps with impulse control. I do think that you need to have a meeting with teachers and administrators and let them know that she has challenges as a byproduct of the ADHD and ask them to help with strategies rather than being punitive. For instance, if everyone realized the pencil thing was an accident, why’d she have to be punished and write an apology letter? If she can’t sit still at her table, perhaps movement breaks should be built in. She needs to recognize that her actions are unacceptable and at the same time there need to be tools to manage the behavior. Also a behavior chart may help.

+1 sounds like her teacher and school are not understanding that she’s lacking impulse control and cannot help it. She should be corrected and reminded of her mistakes/misbehaviors, but emailing home daily and writing apology notes and seeing the principal over accidents seems a bit much. She’s 7, not 13. I’d be pissed, OP. I’m sorry.

Unfortunately, unless OP's child has an IEP or 504, the teacher really can't treat her differently than she would any other child doing the same things, she needs to enforce the rules equally.

I don't know if this is a true statement. While an IEP or 504 *requires* a teacher to adjust their expectations/rules for a designated kid, the absence of an IEP or 504 doesn't mean a teacher is barred from having different expectations for different kids. My son has adhd (no IEP or 504) and his great K teacher was always giving him a pass for minor infractions that she might have been on other kids for. She knows he has more squirminess than other kids (just to use an example), and shouldn't get yelled at every time he's in line and his body is moving. He shouldn't have to get an IEP or 504 for that.

Teachers can and do make exceptions to rules without an IEP or 504 in place, but they do so at their own peril because if two students are getting different consequences for exactly the same conduct without an appropriate justification for doing so, that teacher could get into trouble if the parents of a child receiving punishment complains to the administration that their child is being inappropriate singled out for harsher punishment. An IEP or 504 gives the teacher cover to redefine how a particular student can meet the classroom rules/expectations.