Settle a disagreement between DH and me
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Anonymous
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We live in a 2bd/1bath apartment. We have an elementary schooler (and a baby, but she’s not currently relevant to the disagreement). DH, like many men I know, is in the habit of going into the background for 20-30 minutes in the morning. I get that everyone needs to poop, but half an hour is excessive in my opinion, particularly when you live with two other people, one of whom is a small child who can’t always just hold it for half an hour while you finish reading AV Club or whatever. DH thinks that DD and I should just make sure to proactively use the bathroom before he goes in there and sees no need to change his behavior around this issue. He gets grouchy when DD knocks on the door to let him know that she needs to use the bathroom, which I also think is unreasonable. I think that a) on the weekend when we are all home, he needs to use the bathroom quickly and do his morning internet reading somewhere else and that b) if he’s planning on being a while, he needs to announce that and ask DD to use the bathroom before he goes in there - but that it’s his responsibility, not hers.
Moving to a place with multiple bathrooms is not on the menu for at least a year. |
Anonymous
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I believe he should ask if anyone needs to use the bathroom first before he goes in, given his pattern of taking a long time.
When it's time for baby to be potty trained, all reading material should stop temporarily, until she is fully trained and can hold it a bit. |
Anonymous
| Let her knock away. 1 bathroom means sharing, and he has to learn to share. I'd consider upping the plan to moving to a place with at least 1.5 baths - our family of four struggles with one bathroom on vacation. I wouldn't want to live with that full time! |
Anonymous
| Why do men take so long to poop? I literally go in, sit down, and thirty seconds later I’m done. Honestly peeing took longer when I was pregnant. |
Anonymous
OP here. My understanding from DH is that it’s like 2 minutes pooping and 18-28 minutes sitting in peace and quiet. I sympathize with the need for peace and quiet and don’t relate to the bathroom venue for it, but DH assured me that it wasn’t a medical issue, which was how I framed it initially. |
Anonymous
| His time in bathroom is his time, not yours to micromanage. |
Anonymous
And his daughter? Is she “his to manage” as well? Should she pee on the floor or something? |
Anonymous
| He should proactive let people know, because they also do not want to go into a post-poop (stinky) bathroom. Unless he shits gardenias? |
Anonymous
| He needs to get on with the program. That's not overtime. |
Anonymous
Well, then, he has to deal with his daughter knocking on the door. But I still think letting people know BEFORE you go in for a long shit is polite. To you, to daughter, to the anybody who might want to brush their teeth or pee in the next 1/2 hour. So, basically everybody. |
Anonymous
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There needs to be another place he can have peace and quiet, if that is what he needs. 1 bathroom in a place with 3 people using it --> you do not get to park on the freeway during rush hour.
I find this interesting:
I agree with you. It's odd that the world should rearrange itself around him doing something that inconveniences others. That said, I believe in giving introverts what they need to recharge. Is there a room, any room but the bathroom, where he can shut the door for peace and quiet in the morning? |
Anonymous
| If he needs 30 mins, he needs 30 mins. I agree with him, that you and your DD, as fast-poopers, should go first proactively. |
Anonymous
| You are right. |
Anonymous
| God get a bigger place to live. How gross. |
Anonymous
| Our apartment building had a bathroom in the basement next to the laundry room. I used to send my DH down there to poop on the weekend. Peace and quiet for him and a free bathroom for us. |