How hard is it to reach the age at which a parent died?

[Anonymous]

Have you gotten to, and surpassed, the age in which one or both of your parents died? How hard is reaching the age in which a parent died psychologically?

[Anonymous]

Yup- my dad died at 45, and I am 47. It was in the back of my mind that year, and it made me a little anxious. When he died, everyone talked about how young he was- I was only 21 and didn't necessarily think of him that way, since he was my father. Now, though, I have a completely different perspective, and realize how very young he was...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup- my dad died at 45, and I am 47. It was in the back of my mind that year, and it made me a little anxious. When he died, everyone talked about how young he was- I was only 21 and didn't necessarily think of him that way, since he was my father. Now, though, I have a completely different perspective, and realize how very young he was...

Yeah, 45 is way too young. My dad died at 67 - he was in very good shape and seemingly had many years ahead of him, but then he got a pancreatic cancer diagnosis and was dead within six weeks. I'm quite a few years away from that myself, but I have developed a bit of a fear about reaching that age.

[Anonymous]

I'm at the age my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Four more years to reach her age of death. Not sure how I'll feel. She died when I was 18, so I've been processing this for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Im nearing the age at which my dad died - 48 - and health anxiety is at an all time high. I also find myself grieving for him all over again and feeling his pain and anguish.
I was 13 when he died.

[Anonymous]

Yes my Dad died of a horrible disfiguring cancer at 50. At 49 I had a thyroid issue and went very part time at work to travel with family for great summer vacation (would have quit and explained Dad loss to employer etc). Now 51 still part-time at work, now trying to get in great shape (gym/yoga) and getting bloodwork checkups etc so I can enjoy life and family. Will go full time this fall, over the fear + YOLO feeling. Aiming for 90+

[Anonymous]

My grandfather died at 52. My dad always thought that he'd die at 52 as well. It was like once he passed 52, he was living on borrowed time. He died at 67.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup- my dad died at 45, and I am 47. It was in the back of my mind that year, and it made me a little anxious. When he died, everyone talked about how young he was- I was only 21 and didn't necessarily think of him that way, since he was my father. Now, though, I have a completely different perspective, and realize how very young he was...

Yeah, 45 is way too young. My dad died at 67 - he was in very good shape and seemingly had many years ahead of him, but then he got a pancreatic cancer diagnosis and was dead within six weeks. I'm quite a few years away from that myself, but I have developed a bit of a fear about reaching that age.

Are you me? Exact same thing with my dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup- my dad died at 45, and I am 47. It was in the back of my mind that year, and it made me a little anxious. When he died, everyone talked about how young he was- I was only 21 and didn't necessarily think of him that way, since he was my father. Now, though, I have a completely different perspective, and realize how very young he was...

Yeah, 45 is way too young. My dad died at 67 - he was in very good shape and seemingly had many years ahead of him, but then he got a pancreatic cancer diagnosis and was dead within six weeks. I'm quite a few years away from that myself, but I have developed a bit of a fear about reaching that age.

Are you me? Exact same thing with my dad.

Both of you will be fine! I met my MIL for the first time when she was 65. She kept telling me about her father who died when he was 67 and how similar she is to her father and how she is likely to die at his age as well. She is 80 now and quite active - will likely be around for 20 more years

[Anonymous]

Welp, my mother was a teen mom who died in childbirth. So yes, I've surpassed her age. That was not hard. Being willing to birth a kid was hard.

[Anonymous]

I'm a couple years shy of 50, and I've already surpassed the ages of 2 grandparents (died less than 40) and about to surpass the age of a parent. I think it helps ground me not be too "helicopter-y," and reminds me that it is important to help my kids become self-sufficient and not dependent entirely on me. Within the next 10 years, my DC likely won't have any close family except DH, my sibling and me. They have no first cousins, and don't know their second cousins. Oddly, their next closest family connections are with 3rd cousins who are 10 years older and a 12 hour drive away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you gotten to, and surpassed, the age in which one or both of your parents died? How hard is reaching the age in which a parent died psychologically?

My mother (84) lived almost 50 years longer than her mother (36) and 35 years more than her father (49). She did not seem to be affected when she made it beyond their ages.

My father (84), did not live as long as his parents (87 and 99). My Dad was disappointed, he was aiming for their average.

Once you hit 80, it is a crapshoot.

[Anonymous]

My mom died from breast cancer at 67, I am 40. I am definitely keeping an eye out for 53, which is the age she was diagnosed.

My ex died recently at the young age of 44 from heart disease, so I am equally paranoid for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Not hard because I stay and shape and want to be there for my daughter as many years as I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you gotten to, and surpassed, the age in which one or both of your parents died? How hard is reaching the age in which a parent died psychologically?

My mother (84) lived almost 50 years longer than her mother (36) and 35 years more than her father (49). She did not seem to be affected when she made it beyond their ages.

My father (84), did not live as long as his parents (87 and 99). My Dad was disappointed, he was aiming for their average.

Once you hit 80, it is a crapshoot.

My father (76) also did not live as long as his parents (87 and 82). My dad was vibrant and healthy and looked and acted like a 50-year old, not a 76-year old. But--cancer is a bitch.

You just never know. Everyone in my family always assumed my dad would live well into his 80s--given his excellent health is whole life and family history.

The thing we have all taken out of it is to live life like he did---the man absolutely had and infectious joy for life, lived it the way he wanted to and loved his family and friends fiercely and always let us know--through actions and words.

My mom just keeps saying 'life is too short'. She is a very 'young' 74 and always assumed she and my dad would live well past 80. Their love was so strong--married 52 years.

The cancer thing scares the crap out of me. I know so many people taken down with it in their prime and as young if not younger than me.

That's why I really try to focus on living life to the fullest. I have to 're-center' myself every once in awhile not to get hung up on the little crap that just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life.