How hard is it to reach the age at which a parent died?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you gotten to, and surpassed, the age in which one or both of your parents died? How hard is reaching the age in which a parent died psychologically?

My mother (84) lived almost 50 years longer than her mother (36) and 35 years more than her father (49). She did not seem to be affected when she made it beyond their ages.

My father (84), did not live as long as his parents (87 and 99). My Dad was disappointed, he was aiming for their average.

Once you hit 80, it is a crapshoot.

My father (76) also did not live as long as his parents (87 and 82). My dad was vibrant and healthy and looked and acted like a 50-year old, not a 76-year old. But--cancer is a bitch.

You just never know. Everyone in my family always assumed my dad would live well into his 80s--given his excellent health is whole life and family history.

The thing we have all taken out of it is to live life like he did---the man absolutely had and infectious joy for life, lived it the way he wanted to and loved his family and friends fiercely and always let us know--through actions and words.

My mom just keeps saying 'life is too short'. She is a very 'young' 74 and always assumed she and my dad would live well past 80. Their love was so strong--married 52 years.

The cancer thing scares the crap out of me. I know so many people taken down with it in their prime and as young if not younger than me.

That's why I really try to focus on living life to the fullest. I have to 're-center' myself every once in awhile not to get hung up on the little crap that just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life.

oh..and my mom's mother died at 32 from ovarian cancer, leaving behind 3 young children. So--she's outlived her by 42 years so far.

[Anonymous]

My parents are both alive at 92 and soon-to-be 86. I am 53 and in good health. I figure I should have at least 30 years based on general health.

My spouse is 57. My FIL passed around 54, but my MIL is still around at age soon-to-be 87. My spouse did not notice passing FIL's age, but both of my BILs did note when they passed FIL's age, mostly just in passing.

[Anonymous]

You never know when it's your time but I always feel sorry for those people who die soon after they retire especially if money wasn't an issue. My in-laws both retired about six years ago and remain in good health and they are having a blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You never know when it's your time but I always feel sorry for those people who die soon after they retire especially if money wasn't an issue. My in-laws both retired about six years ago and remain in good health and they are having a blast.

Agree! My dad never wanted to miss his retirement. After 37 years with the Feds, he retired at 62 and had 14 wonderful, healthy years of lots of travel, fun with family and friends and time with his grandkids. My mom and he had a better social life than us and he was a more involved grandparent than a lot of my kids’ friends’ parents.

He was like a 50-something until cancer so it was a shock he didn’t make it to his 80s. But I am so happy he had such a wonderful life.

[Anonymous]

For those of us whose parents died young, it is definitely a milestone (even if we don't discuss it). So for those of you whose parents went on to live for many years (and I'm so happy for them, they may certainly have thought about it but never expressed it to you - I don't talk about it with my kids who are teenagers). Like 19:37, my mom died at 44 and everyone talked about how young she was while I, a teenager (18), did not see her as young. As I grew up, I realized how young she really was. I got tested for the breast cancer gene around the year of her diagnosis (I tested positive) which opened a lot of wounds for our family. Turning 45 was a milestone year because I outlived her. Once I looked in the mirror and saw a wrinkle and wondered if my mom had wrinkles at my age. Then I remembered that she was never this age. This year I turned 50 - the decade she never reached. There are so many milestones when a parent dies young - she never met my husband, my kids, etc. She missed my high school
graduation so I am hoping I make it to my kids' graduation in a couple of years. It isn't something I think about constantly - there is a lot of joy in my life. But the milestone years bring it up.

[Anonymous]

My dad died at 43, when I was 11. It made me really sad to turn 43. I realized how young he really was when he died, and how hard it must have been for him to be seriously ill and know he wouldn’t live to enjoy his dreams or see me grow up.

[Anonymous]

I just reached the age when my mom was diagnosed with advanced cancer. In two years, I will be the age when my dad had a massive heart attack. Both survived, but the trauma of nearly losing both my parents as a teen has impacted my parenting more than the fear of my own death has shaped my current life. I taught my kids all I wanted them to know by 12 and I never skipped a small gesture of love or support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom died from breast cancer at 67, I am 40. I am definitely keeping an eye out for 53, which is the age she was diagnosed.

My ex died recently at the young age of 44 from heart disease, so I am equally paranoid for our kids.

Don't be paranoid, but instill in them the importance of good care. There may be some protocols for this.

[Anonymous]

My one grandfather died 80 years ago. My father died 40 years ago. Wait does that mean it is my turn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My one grandfather died 80 years ago. My father died 40 years ago. Wait does that mean it is my turn?

[Anonymous]

My Dad died 40 years ago and I have a grandparent who died 80 years ago. Shit happens, dont miss folks much you barely knew.

[Anonymous]

I am within a couple of years of when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and died. It's always been in the back of my mind that I will "one day" reach that age, but that time is right around the corner. Now I am acutely aware of it and find myself thinking about it more and more. I've already had to do the early screenings and tests because she was only in her 40s, and that was tough in some ways. I think it's going to be really hard on me when I get to THAT age.