ADHD IEP for the middle school kid who is giving up
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Anonymous
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We finally are getting an IEP for my DD with ADHD, after struggling with school since 2nd grade. She's in 7th. The actual diagnostic is ADHD Combined, Anxiety and HFA, although everyone who meets her discards the HFA. She has friends and is ultra-social, to the detriment of everything else around her. Personally, I see it, in how obsessive she is about friends and how poorly she interacts with her teachers.
She can do well in school, as long as she can focus in the classroom and does her HW. Problem is, she does neither of the two, even with medication. In every given afternoon, she struggles to get even ONE thing accomplished -- and never gets to the rest. If I try to help her chunk bigger tasks into pieces, she gets the first chunk done and declares victory. I'd gladly advocate against HW, but she needs it -- without it, she cannot get passing grades, because she does not pay attention in the classroom. She's been in a "Strategies for Success" class since the beginning of the school year, but either lulls away he time, or hates it to the point of intentionally waking up late to avoid being there. My own theory is that she spends so much time worrying about friends and perception and how to make that work through the middle school drama years, that she has nothing left to give to her classes. I'd like to see her have some social-emotional support on the peer interaction side, and some organizational planning support. I strongly believe she needs no actual academic help per se. Any suggestions on what might work? |
Anonymous
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Strategies for Success? You must be in FCPS! My DS (ADHD/anxiety) is a freshman. He spent all of 7th and 8th grade in SFS because he couldn't/wouldn't demonstrate, independently, that he could complete his homework and turn it in. I didn't require grades to be at a certain level but I did require that homework be completed. We found that if DS did the homework, he did better on the tests and his grades were good (A/B). If he didn't do the homework, it was a double whammy. He lost points for doing HW and he did poorly on tests.
At our house, kids have to 'earn' priveleges like cell phone and video game use. I started tying these privelges to his homework and grades. Any homework that wasn't completed, he didn't get use of his cell phone - he could take it to school but I changed the password. He was still able to listen to music (if he started Spotify before the phone was locked) and able to call us (we're in his emergency contacts) but nothing else. AND, he had to stay after school to work with the teacher to get the homework done. All the teachers had after school hours once or twice a week. Any grade lower than a C and DS lost his video game priveleges until such time as his grade came up to at least a C as documented in SIS. If he turned something in late and the teacher hadn't graded it, I refused to listen to his complaints of 'it's not fair!'. Had he turned his work in on time, he wouldn't be in this position. There was a point in 8th grade that DS let it all go and got Fs. He then got no TV. He kept assuring us that he could get himself out of the academic hole he'd dug himself into but after a quarter with Fs, I pointed out that if he ended the year with any D/Fs, he wouldn't have a cell phone or video games all summer - until such time as I had a report card with no D/Fs. After mulling that over, he acknowledged he needed help and so coached him on how to email his teachers, plan his work each day, etc. I also let him earn some time with the phone/video games because I wanted to reward him for making a better choice. You walk a fine line between restriction/reward. I'm not wishy washy about consequences but recognize effort. My kid can't figure out how to get out of an academic hole by himself. He also lacks discipline and forethought. Part of that is the ADHD, part is the anxiety and part is being indifferent/unmotivated. My job is to make sure my kid learns the needed content and stay on the straight and narrow. DS still has a lot of life lessons to learn and he needs to learn them while he's got a soft place to fall. As I said, DS is now a freshman and this is still an issue. The difference is, IME, that HS staff have much higher expectations of kids, particularly their independence, (understandably) but that not all kids are at the same level. It's been a lot harder to take a 'whole IEP team' approach. The teachers are good but they're not making any extra effort to - I don't necessarily blame them but I feel like the school is less of a partner in this than I need and that I had in MS/ES. At all of our meetings, I have noted that I have had to be more involved than is healthy for our (mine and DS's) relationship. But, we've already seen the consequences of not doing so. In short, my advice would be to make sure your DD is at a therapeutic level of medication for ADHD and anxiety. Reward her for taking an afternoon ADHD booster (if she would benefit from it). Incentivize her to complete her homework and turn it in. Make sure there are meaningful consequences for when she doesn't do her homework. Loop in the teachers on this as well. Make sure YOU are reviewing SIS with her every day. Good luck. It's a pain...... |
Anonymous
| Have you tried homework club after school? An ADHD coach or tutor? |
Anonymous
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My DS with ASD/ADHD who is in 5th grades stays after school in aftercare, two days a week, to do his homework. His idea because he prefers getting it over with and done at school.
Set a routine for homework. |
Anonymous
My kids could never do homework during aftercare. Too noisy and too many distractions. |
Anonymous
How about the library, your kitchen table, etc..... set a time and place. Schedules and routines work well for everyone not just for kids with ASD/ADHD. |
Anonymous
My son does his homework in Chinese Calligraphy class. The instructor knows he is there to do his homework not Chinese Calligraphy. It is quiet. Works for him. 
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Anonymous
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Thank you, everyone, for the suggestions!
What PP @ 12:53 is suggesting is what we've been working on this year. We have been working with access to cellular data on her phone, as well as wireless access at home. That allows her to voice call or text (no images), which works well. This quarter, when she knew she was getting an F but did not move to do anything about it, the phone completely disappeared until she came home with a B on a quizz and turned in catchup work. So yes, it;s a careful orchestration of incentives and consequences, hoping but failing at avoiding the helicopter mom syndrome. I usually wait for her with printed homework from her BB account, so that we avoid the conversation of "its in my locker". She absolutely hates it, hates me for doing it and hates her teacher for creating the work. In her moments of reason, she agrees it's necessary, but always, in the spur of the moment, we spend 2-3h crying and complaining about the work for every 10 minutes of actual work. It's exhausting, for her and for me -- and it's a horrible model for her younger brother. So yes, we're working on the home front pretty hard... wondering what to do on the school side. The tools that I believe will be offered are things like a team-taught classroom or even a small environment one, breaks, more Strategies for success and academic recovery classes (2nd math class). My fear is that any one of those will backfire, because it removes access to fun extras (choir, art, drama), removes her from the circle of friends she has already made, and it requires even more effort than what she has to give. That's why I'm looking for creative ideas of strategies at school that have worked. I completely agree with PP that homework is important. Besides the poor grades (HW not turned in and failed tests), it also means the tests need to be corrected, and it often stretches her over 3 or even 4 units of study at once! (one or two corrections, one being tested, one being taught and sometimes a pre-test on a future unit). It's impossible for her to split her attention in all these directions and still be successful. An that is only ONE SUBJECT out of 4 core and 1-2 electives... That's why I'm looking at what can the scool do... |
Anonymous
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12:53 here. I'm sorry that I don't have any more to offer - and I'm open to suggestions because as I said in my earlier post, I continue to deal with this in HS.
I've heart-to-hearts with my DS about this situation. What it boils down to is that I can't make him care. I don't need him to care. I need him to do the work. Him not doing the work has consequences beyond his cell phone/video games. I explained that because he didn't demonstrate proficiency in SFS, he couldn't take a different elective. MS/HS is a time of exploring interests but not at the expense of core academics. The consequence of not doing homework and maintaining grades is to make more time available for them even if that means dropping a desired elective like chorus/drama. The fallout, initially, was huge but I'm not doing him any favors by not holding him accountable. You can certainly work to bring the school in but there's only so much they can do. Your DD is making a choice -yes, I get that the deck is stacked but she's old enough (like my DS) to be able to understand her role in this as well as what she CAN control. She can get herself out of SFS which would free up time for choir/drama/art. SFS is not a full year class. She can also get herself out of Power Math.....as long as she can demonstrate she can complete her homework......I do, however, distinguish between school electives and after school activities. I have not pulled DS from sports teams because of the benefits he receives from them. It's also where he socializes with friends. I know, I know, it's easy for me to spout this (I've had a LOT of practice with my DS). But, your kid has to do his/her part. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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Does your daughter have a medical team to periodically review if there is a need for medication to deal with various symptoms mentioned. Has she ever tried working with a therapist and or has the idea of a family therapist to help you set up a routine been considered. You are doing a lot, but perhaps an outside eye might help you prioritize what things to focus on a time. |
Anonymous
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I hear you. It sounds like she might benefit with one-on-one coaching on how to approach homework and such. Perhaps there is a counselor she might see who could help her learn to focus. What works with my daughter is what I call the "cupcake approach." She has to completely finish a project before she gets the "cup cake" or whatever we have agreed to.
Also, it might help to break up her homework into specific times. Like maybe a half hour for math -15 minute break - back to math or another subject. Then continue with that pattern. With ultimate goal, if she completes all her homework during the week, doing something special with friends. Just a thought. |