Reply to ADHD IEP for the middle school kid who is giving up

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[quote=Anonymous]Strategies for Success?  You must be in FCPS!  My DS (ADHD/anxiety) is a freshman.  He spent all of 7th and 8th grade in SFS because he couldn't/wouldn't demonstrate, independently, that he could complete his homework and turn it in.  I didn't require grades to be at a certain level but I did require that homework be completed.  We found that if DS did the homework, he did better on the tests and his grades were good (A/B).  If he didn't do the homework, it was a double whammy.  He lost points for doing HW and he did poorly on tests.

At our house, kids have to 'earn' priveleges like cell phone and video game use.  I started tying these privelges to his homework and grades.  Any homework that wasn't completed, he didn't get use of his cell phone - he could take it to school but I changed the password.  He was still able to listen to music (if he started Spotify before the phone was locked) and able to call us (we're in his emergency contacts) but nothing else.  AND, he had to stay after school to work with the teacher to get the homework done.  All the teachers had after school hours once or twice a week.  Any grade lower than a C and DS lost his video game priveleges until such time as his grade came up to at least a C as documented in SIS.  If he turned something in late and the teacher hadn't graded it, I refused to listen to his complaints of 'it's not fair!'.  Had he turned his work in on time, he wouldn't be in this position.

There was a point in 8th grade that DS let it all go and got Fs.  He then got no TV.  He kept assuring us that he could get himself out of the academic hole he'd dug himself into but after a quarter with Fs, I pointed out that if he ended the year with any D/Fs, he wouldn't have a cell phone or video games all summer - until such time as I had a report card with no D/Fs.  After mulling that over, he acknowledged he needed help and so coached him on how to email his teachers, plan his work each day, etc.  I also let him earn some time with the phone/video games because I wanted to reward him for making a better choice.  You walk a fine line between restriction/reward.  I'm not wishy washy about consequences but recognize effort.  My kid can't figure out how to get out of an academic hole by himself.  He also lacks discipline and forethought.  Part of that is the ADHD, part is the anxiety and part is being indifferent/unmotivated.  My job is to make sure my kid learns the needed content and stay on the straight and narrow.  DS still has a lot of life lessons to learn and he needs to learn them while he's got a soft place to fall.

As I said, DS is now a freshman and this is still an issue.  The difference is, IME, that HS staff have much higher expectations of kids, particularly their independence, (understandably) but that not all kids are at the same level.  It's been a lot harder to take a 'whole IEP team' approach.  The teachers are good but they're not making any extra effort to - I don't necessarily blame them but I feel like the school is less of a partner in this than I need and that I had in MS/ES.  At all of our meetings, I have noted that I have had to be more involved than is healthy for our (mine and DS's) relationship.  But, we've already seen the consequences of not doing so.  
 
In short, my advice would be to make sure your DD is at a therapeutic level of medication for ADHD and anxiety.  Reward her for taking an afternoon ADHD booster (if she would benefit from it).  Incentivize her to complete her homework and turn it in.  Make sure there are meaningful consequences for when she doesn't do her homework.  Loop in the teachers on this as well. Make sure YOU are reviewing SIS with her every day. Good luck.  It's a pain......
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