Just right for DCUM: New Article on Physical Attraction

[Anonymous]

Such a relevant conversation for the DCUM crowd and all the folks stuck in sexless marriage . . .


https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/201608/the-consequences-no-physical-attraction

Let's discuss this!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I thought it was a recent article, it is from 2016. It is still very relevant though.

[Anonymous]

What's to discuss? If you aren't attracted to your partner, resulting in a sexless marriage, either divorce him/her, or open up the marriage. Next topic.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this isn't much of a revolutionary article.

[Anonymous]

OP, at least briefly summarize the article and offer your initial thoughts. Most people don't just click random links. You haven't given us anything to react to.

[Anonymous]

I am not attracted to DH, and I see myself in a lot of that list. But how do you dump your best friend who hasn't done anything wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's to discuss? If you aren't attracted to your partner, resulting in a sexless marriage, either divorce him/her, or open up the marriage. Next topic.

There have been dozens and dozens of dead bedroom threads, and I haven't seen anyone come up with anything other than these three options: involuntary celibacy, divorce, or cheating.

[Anonymous]

Or open marriage. I’m stuck...spouse is willing to turn a blind eye. I just haven’t done anything in that area, yet. I need to get over the feeling of potential guilt.

[Anonymous]

Or open marriage. I’m stuck...spouse is willing to turn a blind eye. I just haven’t done anything in that area, yet. I need to get over the feeling of potential guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's to discuss? If you aren't attracted to your partner, resulting in a sexless marriage, either divorce him/her, or open up the marriage. Next topic.

There have been dozens and dozens of dead bedroom threads, and I haven't seen anyone come up with anything other than these three options: involuntary celibacy, divorce, or cheating.

involuntary celibacy is not actually a thing. So the only 2 options are divorce or open marriage (cheating and open marriage are equivalent in the case of deadbedroom).

[Anonymous]

I can't understand entering into a relationship unless there was a physical attraction along with other attributes. Yes, there are exceptions such as marrying for money. I can understand how that physical attraction can diminish over time even if it was red hot at the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not attracted to DH, and I see myself in a lot of that list. But how do you dump your best friend who hasn't done anything wrong?

This. I found myself all over that list. DH is perfect -- except I'm not really attracted to him. He's good in bed, but there is no - fire. There never was for me. Our marriage would probably be classified as a good one (regular sex, outwardly respectful partners, parents on the same page about kids, both gainfully employed, brilliant children, blah blah blah), I've got nothing to complain about. I could simply be done with this marriage and be happy without it. I'd miss his handyman helping around the house, though. And the way he is a great father. But sexual attraction is at zero. I ignored this for a long long time. But ... it doesn't go away. You don't get MORE attracted to your spouse as they get older. They get fatter, breath louder, fart smellier, and taste even worse than when you married them two decades ago.

So what do you do? I'm not into sexless anything (I haven't hit menopause yet, I'm still horny), DH doesn't want to open the marriage, affairs are fun but ultimately don't work out, and at the end of the day I'm still married.

[Anonymous]

Women do not marry because of physical attraction. They marry for other reasons such as money or status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women do not marry because of physical attraction. They marry for other reasons such as money or status.

Yeah, but we SHOULD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not attracted to DH, and I see myself in a lot of that list. But how do you dump your best friend who hasn't done anything wrong?

This. I found myself all over that list. DH is perfect -- except I'm not really attracted to him. He's good in bed, but there is no - fire. There never was for me. Our marriage would probably be classified as a good one (regular sex, outwardly respectful partners, parents on the same page about kids, both gainfully employed, brilliant children, blah blah blah), I've got nothing to complain about. I could simply be done with this marriage and be happy without it. I'd miss his handyman helping around the house, though. And the way he is a great father. But sexual attraction is at zero. I ignored this for a long long time. But ... it doesn't go away. You don't get MORE attracted to your spouse as they get older. They get fatter, breath louder, fart smellier, and taste even worse than when you married them two decades ago.

So what do you do? I'm not into sexless anything (I haven't hit menopause yet, I'm still horny), DH doesn't want to open the marriage, affairs are fun but ultimately don't work out, and at the end of the day I'm still married.

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.