Parent Weirdness

[Anonymous]

I am trying to figure out if I am being sensitive or if some parents of dc's former teammates are being uber competitive. They aren't being forthcoming about what their dc's are doing in regards to the sport and seem reluctant to share with me information about where they are playing, what extra training they may be doing, etc. To be honest, I am not certain if it is competitiveness or jealousy at this point. Why wouldn't people want to share what they are doing or get weird if I try to get my dc involved too?

[Anonymous]

I would assume that means your child is not as good a player as their child and the presence of your child at their extra training session would bring down the overall quality.

[Anonymous]

They're just not that into you?

[Anonymous]

Competitiveness. Many parents in this area are ultra competitive and live vicariously through their kids.

[Anonymous]

The truth is, if your child is not as good as theirs, they probably don't want your child there...especially if they are paying top dollar, did their research, and want their kid to benefit from the presence of better, not worse, players.

It's like when I want a real workout, I will go with someone far fitter than myself. If I want to be supportive of my spouse, I will workout with them. It's not personal ...

[Anonymous]

It's could be that they don't like you or your child, but without meeting you and without even asking what sport you're talking about, I'm guessing it's competitiveness, ie, wanting to make sure their child has an extra advantage. While many parents will be forthcoming, there's minority who feel that they have to hid whatever they're doing or else their child will lose their advantage over the competition for team spots, playing time, etc.playing

[Anonymous]

I really like the parents on my younger child's team. I often let them know about training/camp my kid is doing. I never would have done this with my firstborn's first travel Club because the parents were UNBEARABLE and a bunch of lemmings. They would all show up in droves and annoy the sh*t out of us.

Sometimes people just want to do their own thing, their own way. It doesn't mean they are plotting a takeover or climb up some perceived 'color system'.

We tend to take a non-orthodox approach to the sport (in our case soccer) because we've seen it work in our own family to focus more on individual development than team below 13 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would assume that means your child is not as good a player as their child and the presence of your child at their extra training session would bring down the overall quality.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's could be that they don't like you or your child, but without meeting you and without even asking what sport you're talking about, I'm guessing it's competitiveness, ie, wanting to make sure their child has an extra advantage. While many parents will be forthcoming, there's minority who feel that they have to hid whatever they're doing or else their child will lose their advantage over the competition for team spots, playing time, etc.playing

The crazy thing is that one of the parents apparently said they don't share because I am being competitive. They think I am stressful and would rather not deal with it.

[Anonymous]

It may be you're catching them at the wrong time and place?

This is what happens with our music program (we're not athletes). Parents want to know what I'm doing with my child because she's so successful, and I want to answer, but this answer is multi-stepped and personal, so it's too awkward to detail in public. Unfortunately, we never see these people except at concerts and recitals, so I just give a vague answer (lots of practice!) and leave it at that. I hope they don't see me as protective or competitive.

[Anonymous]

If they see your kid as competition they will not share info. I have seen parents agree to a carpool and not pick kids up. So the kid will miss practice and/or games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's could be that they don't like you or your child, but without meeting you and without even asking what sport you're talking about, I'm guessing it's competitiveness, ie, wanting to make sure their child has an extra advantage. While many parents will be forthcoming, there's minority who feel that they have to hid whatever they're doing or else their child will lose their advantage over the competition for team spots, playing time, etc.playing

The crazy thing is that one of the parents apparently said they don't share because I am being competitive. They think I am stressful and would rather not deal with it.

You kind of have your answer then, don't you? Don't worry about what others are doing. There are TONS of extra training opportunities out there. Do what is best for you and your child and stop worrying about what others are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's could be that they don't like you or your child, but without meeting you and without even asking what sport you're talking about, I'm guessing it's competitiveness, ie, wanting to make sure their child has an extra advantage. While many parents will be forthcoming, there's minority who feel that they have to hid whatever they're doing or else their child will lose their advantage over the competition for team spots, playing time, etc.playing

The crazy thing is that one of the parents apparently said they don't share because I am being competitive. They think I am stressful and would rather not deal with it.

You kind of have your answer then, don't you? Don't worry about what others are doing. There are TONS of extra training opportunities out there. Do what is best for you and your child and stop worrying about what others are doing.

OP has serious FOMO. Common in this Type A area (what are they doing??? we better jump on it or we'll miss out??? will that get my kid noticed??, etc). This is why we keep it to ourselves. I hate that nonsense. And, having those types in your training group is the worst.

AGREE: worry about your own kid/situation. Comparing yourself to others only places limits on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they see your kid as competition they will not share info. I have seen parents agree to a carpool and not pick kids up. So the kid will miss practice and/or games.

That's insane. We don't carpool because people are always f*cking late and I grew up where you never showed up late for a practice or game (if you aren't 5min early, you are late). The coaches then get pissed about the repeat lateness and the carpool kids suffer.

You also have the kids that will f*ck around for hours after practice or lose their water bottle repeatedly and need to search for it, etc. That sh*t doesn't fly in my house so my own kids are sitting there asking 'why aren't we leaving now'...well johnny dipshit lost his stuff again.

Also--unless they literally live on my street--it's a major PIA driving around collecting and dropping off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's could be that they don't like you or your child, but without meeting you and without even asking what sport you're talking about, I'm guessing it's competitiveness, ie, wanting to make sure their child has an extra advantage. While many parents will be forthcoming, there's minority who feel that they have to hid whatever they're doing or else their child will lose their advantage over the competition for team spots, playing time, etc.playing

The crazy thing is that one of the parents apparently said they don't share because I am being competitive. They think I am stressful and would rather not deal with it.

You kind of have your answer then, don't you? Don't worry about what others are doing. There are TONS of extra training opportunities out there. Do what is best for you and your child and stop worrying about what others are doing.

OP has serious FOMO. Common in this Type A area (what are they doing??? we better jump on it or we'll miss out??? will that get my kid noticed??, etc). This is why we keep it to ourselves. I hate that nonsense. And, having those types in your training group is the worst.

AGREE: worry about your own kid/situation. Comparing yourself to others only places limits on you.

On the flip side I have met plenty of parents that have a solid player and just oblivious to the sport the kids are playing. Not all parents are living through their kids... When they do realize parents are doing extra it is common to ask a question or inquire. Some parents share others dont. It does require some level of research but for sure plenty of camps and training for folks willing to pay.