Parent Weirdness

[Anonymous]

OP, is your kid well-behaved? Does he/she listen to coaches and take it seriously? Is he always boasting or negative to his teammates? Your kid, not you, could also be a factor.

[Anonymous]

RantingSoccerDad wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As some others have suggested, I think you need to consider that this is really an issue regarding your behavior. If someone stated that you stress them out, why would they want to spend any more time with you than necessary? Especially if you have experienced this with more than one parent. Who is the common denominator?

Agreed. Why is OP so concerned with what other families are doing? He/she should get together with RantingSoccerDad. I think there’s a reason they aren’t invited.

Why do you assume this is personal for me? I'm not in the market for anything.

I'm just hoping to create an environment in which parents are (A) well-informed and (B) not maniacs.

I'm surprised this is so upsetting for some people.

You seem to ignore that OP may be the "maniac" and others have no patience. My dc played on a team where a group of parents would talk sh*t about the other kids. Horrible and it was hard enough to tolerate them during that time, let alone including them in anything extra.

[Anonymous]

These are parents of middle school kids?

[Anonymous]

RantingSoccerDad wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would assume that means your child is not as good a player as their child and the presence of your child at their extra training session would bring down the overall quality.

I'm going to suggest it could just as easily be the opposite, and the defensive reactions in this thread lend credence to my hypothesis.

These parents may view your kid as competition. If their own DCs can go off to this secretive private training, maybe they can stay ahead of your kid and anyone else who tries out.

The idea that your kid is going to "drag down" an extra training session seems ridiculous. Why would your kid even be at the SAME extra training session? Do private trainers just do one session each week, no matter how many kids are interested?

So the most likely scenarios to me would be:

1. They're trying to keep your kids from catching up to or surpassing their own kids.

2. They're just jerks.

In an ideal world, your child will go to a different club next year at a higher level with more supportive parents who share information. The "do your own research" idea is garbage -- soooo many parents think they've "done their own research," and they've been misled by a couple of people. Or they think their own experience applies to everyone else. (I read an entire Kindle mini-book on that subject last night -- it was pretty good in terms of sharing the author's experience, but there was little attempt to account for anyone ELSE's experience.)

Share information, folks. There are so many coaches out there spreading a lot of crap. The more parents talk, the less these coaches can con you.

I agree with this They view your child as a threat. If your child was not as good, they would want your child to get the extra training to make the team better. Bottom line: seek out information through other ways.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see any child as a “threat”. Who the hell are you people? What world do you live in?

I’m guessing you are all at Clubs that put a heavy emphasis on team placement vs development. Clubs where people are stepping on one another for some perceived glory of an A team spot.

It’s what I tell my kids, your competition isn’t some other kid in Loudoun or McLean or Arlington. If it is, you are limiting yourself. There are kids all over this country a million times better than anyone in your Club, or the local DA. We won’t even start on a Internationally.

My kids want to be the best they can be. They aren’t comparing themselves to anyone in the Club. They don’t care so much what the team is doing. For instance, if the team won but they didn’t play well that day-they are upset.

If it helps you to think people aren’t charting your kid’s development course for you because they are jealous or see your kid as a threat, you have a really inflated view of your child’s talent.

My kids do their own thing to achieve their own goals which aren’t to be on some A team in this area.

[Anonymous]

They definitely think the kid should get more training, just not with them. AND i get it, a personality can easily ruin a training session, seen it firsthand in a small group sessions.

maybe dont worry about it for now and just get some work in wherever you can, maybe the parents may eventually come around as skills and personalities change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's could be that they don't like you or your child, but without meeting you and without even asking what sport you're talking about, I'm guessing it's competitiveness, ie, wanting to make sure their child has an extra advantage. While many parents will be forthcoming, there's minority who feel that they have to hid whatever they're doing or else their child will lose their advantage over the competition for team spots, playing time, etc.playing

The crazy thing is that one of the parents apparently said they don't share because I am being competitive. They think I am stressful and would rather not deal with it.

Well then you have your answer.

You come off as the sports equivalent of a stage mom.

[Anonymous]

RantingSoccerDad wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would assume that means your child is not as good a player as their child and the presence of your child at their extra training session would bring down the overall quality.

I'm going to suggest it could just as easily be the opposite, and the defensive reactions in this thread lend credence to my hypothesis.

These parents may view your kid as competition. If their own DCs can go off to this secretive private training, maybe they can stay ahead of your kid and anyone else who tries out.

The idea that your kid is going to "drag down" an extra training session seems ridiculous. Why would your kid even be at the SAME extra training session? Do private trainers just do one session each week, no matter how many kids are interested?

So the most likely scenarios to me would be:

1. They're trying to keep your kids from catching up to or surpassing their own kids.

2. They're just jerks.

In an ideal world, your child will go to a different club next year at a higher level with more supportive parents who share information. The "do your own research" idea is garbage -- soooo many parents think they've "done their own research," and they've been misled by a couple of people. Or they think their own experience applies to everyone else. (I read an entire Kindle mini-book on that subject last night -- it was pretty good in terms of sharing the author's experience, but there was little attempt to account for anyone ELSE's experience.)

Share information, folks. There are so many coaches out there spreading a lot of crap. The more parents talk, the less these coaches can con you.

But OP already said that someone gave her an answer.

She is one of those crazy competitive parents who make everything stressful, so the other mom does not want to deal with her on their off time from the team.

That is pretty cut and dry and has nothing to do with whether or not OPs kid is good or dragging down the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your kid well-behaved? Does he/she listen to coaches and take it seriously? Is he always boasting or negative to his teammates? Your kid, not you, could also be a factor.

Except the parent said the problem was OP.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a social relationship with these parents otherwise, or are you just asking them for information? If the former, I'd be happy to share whatever about my child's training and coaching, no matter how good or bad a player another child was. If the latter, even if the child was great, I'd feel annoyed at the parent asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see any child as a “threat”. Who the hell are you people? What world do you live in?

I’m guessing you are all at Clubs that put a heavy emphasis on team placement vs development. Clubs where people are stepping on one another for some perceived glory of an A team spot.

It’s what I tell my kids, your competition isn’t some other kid in Loudoun or McLean or Arlington. If it is, you are limiting yourself. There are kids all over this country a million times better than anyone in your Club, or the local DA. We won’t even start on a Internationally.

My kids want to be the best they can be. They aren’t comparing themselves to anyone in the Club. They don’t care so much what the team is doing. For instance, if the team won but they didn’t play well that day-they are upset.

If it helps you to think people aren’t charting your kid’s development course for you because they are jealous or see your kid as a threat, you have a really inflated view of your child’s talent.

My kids do their own thing to achieve their own goals which aren’t to be on some A team in this area.

+100

If it were a friend or a parent I had a good relationship I definitely share information, but to just anyone on a team--no. Why should I? I agree with the sentiment expressed above.

Too many parents are misguided and so their kids are as well. They don't see the big picture which is much bigger than their local Club and its 6 teams. If you want your kid to have perfect first touch, understand the field and have good ball skill---you are going to have to focus on that outside of the Club setting. Clubs around here develop teams beginning at age 7/8. They don't develop individuals. The kid is useless once he has to rely on his own skill and tryout elsewhere without the networking his parents have established.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see any child as a “threat”. Who the hell are you people? What world do you live in?

I’m guessing you are all at Clubs that put a heavy emphasis on team placement vs development. Clubs where people are stepping on one another for some perceived glory of an A team spot.

It’s what I tell my kids, your competition isn’t some other kid in Loudoun or McLean or Arlington. If it is, you are limiting yourself. There are kids all over this country a million times better than anyone in your Club, or the local DA. We won’t even start on a Internationally.

My kids want to be the best they can be. They aren’t comparing themselves to anyone in the Club. They don’t care so much what the team is doing. For instance, if the team won but they didn’t play well that day-they are upset.

If it helps you to think people aren’t charting your kid’s development course for you because they are jealous or see your kid as a threat, you have a really inflated view of your child’s talent.

My kids do their own thing to achieve their own goals which aren’t to be on some A team in this area.

+100

If it were a friend or a parent I had a good relationship I definitely share information, but to just anyone on a team--no. Why should I? I agree with the sentiment expressed above.

Too many parents are misguided and so their kids are as well. They don't see the big picture which is much bigger than their local Club and its 6 teams. If you want your kid to have perfect first touch, understand the field and have good ball skill---you are going to have to focus on that outside of the Club setting. Clubs around here develop teams beginning at age 7/8. They don't develop individuals. The kid is useless once he has to rely on his own skill and tryout elsewhere without the networking his parents have established.

You are your own competition. The best don't compare themselves to others. They seek perfection in themselves. They are their own worst critic. Worrying about everyone else around your and team placement in your early years only limits your development. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see any child as a “threat”. Who the hell are you people? What world do you live in?

I’m guessing you are all at Clubs that put a heavy emphasis on team placement vs development. Clubs where people are stepping on one another for some perceived glory of an A team spot.

It’s what I tell my kids, your competition isn’t some other kid in Loudoun or McLean or Arlington. If it is, you are limiting yourself. There are kids all over this country a million times better than anyone in your Club, or the local DA. We won’t even start on a Internationally.

My kids want to be the best they can be. They aren’t comparing themselves to anyone in the Club. They don’t care so much what the team is doing. For instance, if the team won but they didn’t play well that day-they are upset.

If it helps you to think people aren’t charting your kid’s development course for you because they are jealous or see your kid as a threat, you have a really inflated view of your child’s talent.

My kids do their own thing to achieve their own goals which aren’t to be on some A team in this area.

+100

If it were a friend or a parent I had a good relationship I definitely share information, but to just anyone on a team--no. Why should I? I agree with the sentiment expressed above.

Too many parents are misguided and so their kids are as well. They don't see the big picture which is much bigger than their local Club and its 6 teams. If you want your kid to have perfect first touch, understand the field and have good ball skill---you are going to have to focus on that outside of the Club setting. Clubs around here develop teams beginning at age 7/8. They don't develop individuals. The kid is useless once he has to rely on his own skill and tryout elsewhere without the networking his parents have established.

What? If they are not being well taught to develop at practice, find a different coach. There is no perfect place but it is very possible to find a youth club coach that will teach your child solid soccer skills and understanding the game. Kid has to be interested in learning how to play soccer well.

[Anonymous]

This does seem kind of weird, but maybe something in the way you are asking is making them think you are being a tiger parent? Sometimes I don't respond well to tiger parenting. Plus if their kid will be competing for limited slots and they know your kid is good too, they may not want to risk their kid losing a spot to your kid.

That said, I've always been quick to let others know what we are doing in terms of activities. I'll tell other parents about tryouts and training opportunities, especially if they are on our team and their kid getting better will benefit our team. Plus sitting on a soccer field sideline in the dark and cold is more fun when you know other parents there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see any child as a “threat”. Who the hell are you people? What world do you live in?

I’m guessing you are all at Clubs that put a heavy emphasis on team placement vs development. Clubs where people are stepping on one another for some perceived glory of an A team spot.

It’s what I tell my kids, your competition isn’t some other kid in Loudoun or McLean or Arlington. If it is, you are limiting yourself. There are kids all over this country a million times better than anyone in your Club, or the local DA. We won’t even start on a Internationally.

My kids want to be the best they can be. They aren’t comparing themselves to anyone in the Club. They don’t care so much what the team is doing. For instance, if the team won but they didn’t play well that day-they are upset.

If it helps you to think people aren’t charting your kid’s development course for you because they are jealous or see your kid as a threat, you have a really inflated view of your child’s talent.

My kids do their own thing to achieve their own goals which aren’t to be on some A team in this area.

If you don't see anyone as a "threat," why are you being weird about sharing information??