Husband flipped out on me this morning

[Anonymous]

DH flipped out this morning when I mentioned my friend knows he has his citizenship test/ ceremony this morning. He yelled something like- IT'S NOT A SPECIAL DAY. IT'S A NORMAL DAY. YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ANYONE. Now he's texting me that he passed the test and they're having the ceremony. And BTW, he got his citizenship through marriage to me. I've mentioned the my friends where he works. Is this really a big deal? They ask so I tell them.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is weird. It sounds like he was stressed about the test? I would ignore his messages since it's not a special day.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a private person who does not like his life being shared. While it may not be a big deal for you, it sounds like it is for you.

Second- why does it matter if he got his citizenship through you? It's irrelevant to wether or not you share his info. What does his job matter? That was confusing to me.

[Anonymous]

It just means he was sensitive about passing and took his nerves out on you. Unless there is more to the story you probably just caught him at a stressed moment.

For me, my citizenship test and ceremony were not a big deal and I didn't want any special fanfare or acknowledgement because I'm not someone who likes extra attention in general.

But for my mom? Man she dressed up in a 4th of July-esque costume and ran around telling the world she became American. I'm surprised she didn't rent a plane with a banner to fly over her building.

People are different. So listen to how he feels about it and respect how he wants the information treated. It doesn't matter if you think it's a big deal or not, it matters what he thinks.

[Anonymous]

He was worried he would not pass the test, and if you told a bunch of people, then a bunch of people would be following up to see if he passed the test. And you'd have to tell them no, and it would be embarrassing.

Duh, OP. You were making it more stressful for him. Cut him some slack, forget it, and go celebrate. Now that he's passed it, it IS a special day; don't get pissy on top of it and ruin it for him.

[Anonymous]

As someone who also went through it (citizenship) I didn't tell anyone or want anyone to know until it was over with. So, I don't think it's weird, you should respect his feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a private person who does not like his life being shared. While it may not be a big deal for you, it sounds like it is for you.

Second- why does it matter if he got his citizenship through you? It's irrelevant to wether or not you share his info. What does his job matter? That was confusing to me.

About a week ago he met one of my friends and she asked him how he liked his company. I am assuming he may be upset about that. That's why I mentioned that. Sorry I didn't explain it well! I do think the fact that he got his citizenship through me matters here. He yelled at me and it was very hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was worried he would not pass the test, and if you told a bunch of people, then a bunch of people would be following up to see if he passed the test. And you'd have to tell them no, and it would be embarrassing.

Duh, OP. You were making it more stressful for him. Cut him some slack, forget it, and go celebrate. Now that he's passed it, it IS a special day; don't get pissy on top of it and ruin it for him.

+1

[Anonymous]

Where do you live that the citizenship test and ceremony take place the same day? I work for USCIS and that is typically unheard of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live that the citizenship test and ceremony take place the same day? I work for USCIS and that is typically unheard of.

NP. Happened to both my parents in the D.C. area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was worried he would not pass the test, and if you told a bunch of people, then a bunch of people would be following up to see if he passed the test. And you'd have to tell them no, and it would be embarrassing.

Duh, OP. You were making it more stressful for him. Cut him some slack, forget it, and go celebrate. Now that he's passed it, it IS a special day; don't get pissy on top of it and ruin it for him.

OP here. My husband was a straight A student all throughout school. It never occurred to me he would fail the test! I only mentioned it to one of my close friends. My husband rarely ever meets my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

About a week ago he met one of my friends and she asked him how he liked his company. I am assuming he may be upset about that. That's why I mentioned that. Sorry I didn't explain it well! I do think the fact that he got his citizenship through me matters here. He yelled at me and it was very hurtful.

I think it's a little weird that you seem to feel like you gifted him citizenship and he is being ungrateful about it. Seems like the issue here is not what went on this morning but rather your possible feelings about being used vs. true love or whatever.

There is more under the surface here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a private person who does not like his life being shared. While it may not be a big deal for you, it sounds like it is for you.

Second- why does it matter if he got his citizenship through you? It's irrelevant to wether or not you share his info. What does his job matter? That was confusing to me.

About a week ago he met one of my friends and she asked him how he liked his company. I am assuming he may be upset about that. That's why I mentioned that. Sorry I didn't explain it well! I do think the fact that he got his citizenship through me matters here. He yelled at me and it was very hurtful.

JFC. The man is getting his citizenship today, nervous about it, you are telling people and heightening his anxiety. Then he passes his test, and look at this post from you. "he got his citizenship through me/that matters here" and "it was very hurtful." OP, it's all about YOU, isn't it? YOU YOU YOU. Ugh. Do your marriage a favor and just make today happy for him, please?

Signed, happily married 20 years and there's a reason why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a private person who does not like his life being shared. While it may not be a big deal for you, it sounds like it is for you.

Second- why does it matter if he got his citizenship through you? It's irrelevant to wether or not you share his info. What does his job matter? That was confusing to me.

About a week ago he met one of my friends and she asked him how he liked his company. I am assuming he may be upset about that. That's why I mentioned that. Sorry I didn't explain it well! I do think the fact that he got his citizenship through me matters here. He yelled at me and it was very hurtful.

I still don't think so, but we have different opinions on that. To me it sounds like you are holding it (and will!) over his head. He should not have yelled at you.

Also, as someone who took the test it was NBD and I didn't broadcast it to the world. I loved PP whose mom dressed up to celebrate it- I love people like that. It really makes me smile.

[Anonymous]

Why are you asking us if it's a big deal? Your husband told you not to tell anyone, so respect his wishes.