Anyone else's DH not like to visit his parents without you

[Anonymous]

IL live about 3 hours away and are retired but farm land still (not a ton). THey have asked DH a few times to go back and help with a new roof or clearing trees etc. His 2 brothers go (without their wives) but DH refuses unless I say i will go too. I work 2 weekends a month so sometimes I just can't but then he refuses to go at all. It is just weird.
I would visit (and have) my parents without him, when he has traveled or had other plans (my parents live 5 hours away). I just don't get why a grown man refuses to go to his parents house without his wife.

*He has not been abused that I know of, his family gets along but its not like they talk all of the time, he gets along with them fine when we do visit, he loves outdoor stuff like they are requesting him to help with.

[Anonymous]

Does he go other places or to other events without you?

[Anonymous]

What does he say when you ask him?

[Anonymous]

Mine won't visit his parents without me, but I don't have the excuse of working weekends. He wouldn't visit his parents on paternity leave even though I visited mine alone on maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

If they're calling him to help with manual labor and he's using you as an excuse not to go, I don't think it is necessarily a sign he doesn't want to "visit," more that he doesn't want to spend a weekend putting up a new roof or digging a well or something.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go see my parents without my wife. I don't enjoy being with them, and my mother's passive aggressive behavior drives me nuts. As between me being there without the steadying influence of my wife, who knows how I feel, can help me keep my tongue, and generally makes me feel better about everything, and not seeing them at all, it's far better for everyone involved to not see them. It makes me a sad sometimes, but there it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go see my parents without my wife. I don't enjoy being with them, and my mother's passive aggressive behavior drives me nuts. As between me being there without the steadying influence of my wife, who knows how I feel, can help me keep my tongue, and generally makes me feel better about everything, and not seeing them at all, it's far better for everyone involved to not see them. It makes me a sad sometimes, but there it is.

+1 my husband will not, and for similar reasons to this. He doesn't enjoy their company and only goes when he feels like he "should"

[Anonymous]

My husband strongly prefers that I join him when he visits his parents. They live out West, so these are not day or weekend trips. He loves his parents but the family history and current atmosphere with siblings can be stressful for him. I think my DH finds me to be a drama free steadying influence as the PP does above. I’m almost also a human comfort animal of sorts on the plane. He doesn’t love flying

[Anonymous]

No, my husband is a pretty independent guy. This would bug me, to be honest. Of course, his parents are normal and they have a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you ask him?

+1000 Are you saying you've never asked him to explain why he is incapable of visiting his parents alone?

[Anonymous]

OP here, it is not just when they ask for help. He refused to go one weekend when his aunt and uncle were back from CA because I wasn't able to make it.
i suggest he go up there the weekends I work (because his mom doesn't think we visit enough) but he refuses.
He did go to a funeral once by himself but came back that night.
He and I visit once ever 3 months or so, depends on schedules and work but I am typically more busy than he is.
I have no issue visiting mine by myself and didn't know if this was a 'male' thing or a 'my DH thing' especially since his to brothers seem to have no issue visiting. He gets along with them fine (though one more than the other)

[Anonymous]

OP again,
When i ask he just says he doesn't like visiting without me. Hasn't been an 'issue' enough for me to badger him more. Just curious of other DH were like this or not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again,
When i ask he just says he doesn't like visiting without me. Hasn't been an 'issue' enough for me to badger him more. Just curious of other DH were like this or not

As a DH I might take this position if I thought my DW was not as willing to spend time with my parents as I am with hers. How many times per year do you see his parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again,
When i ask he just says he doesn't like visiting without me. Hasn't been an 'issue' enough for me to badger him more. Just curious of other DH were like this or not

As a DH I might take this position if I thought my DW was not as willing to spend time with my parents as I am with hers. How many times per year do you see his parents?

I don't see why that matters? OP works weekends and doesn't have as much free time for visiting them as he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again,
When i ask he just says he doesn't like visiting without me. Hasn't been an 'issue' enough for me to badger him more. Just curious of other DH were like this or not

Press him to explain.

I take it you don’t have kids? You might want him to be willing to take the kids to visit without you in the future—and to take trips related to elder care when things get to that point.

I would want to know the reasoning.