Why is it anti gay to say that gay women have a higher divorce rate than gay men?

[Anonymous]

Someone at work slammed me for this. I read somewhere that the biggest risk of divorce is having a woman in the marriage since women file for divorce at a much lower threshold than men do. Then I gave the example that the divorce rate among gay men is much lower than for gay women. A gay woman at work got mad (she is not getting divorced). I refuse to apologize. I was just quoting stats.

[Anonymous]

Why did it come up? I'd be pissed too if a coworker was like, "hey, your [current arrangement] has a really high chance of failing!"

[Anonymous]

* citation needed

Also, are you on the spectrum, OP, because your total lack of social awareness (I was just quoting statistics) is troubling.

[Anonymous]

I’d be offended that you referred to me as a “gay woman.”

Lesbian who’s been married to my wife for over 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Why was necessary for you share something you “read” about divorce rates? How was that relevant to the work you do?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a socially inept comment. I'm a divorced lesbian, I wouldn't tell a evangelical high school grad who was recently married that studies show that she's part of group that's also more likely to get divorced because 1. it's not good conversation 2) and the fact that she may feel that some of her identities are looked down upon is going to make her even less likely to want to hear that from me.

[Anonymous]

Did you also discuss the divorce stats for heterosexual marriages? Or were you just focused on gay marriage? It's likely the singling out that made it an issue. Because, of course, all straight marriages have a woman, too. Definitely tone deaf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you also discuss the divorce stats for heterosexual marriages? Or were you just focused on gay marriage? It's likely the singling out that made it an issue. Because, of course, all straight marriages have a woman, too. Definitely tone deaf.

Yes, I discussed the divorce rates for heterosexuals. I was simply emphasizing that it is usually a woman who files.
My job allows for time (like at lunch) to discuss anything. There were other people involved in the conversation. I was not telling her that she has a high chance of divorce, I was stating a fact. I also emphasized other divorce risks like early marriage and so on.
Maybe her relationship is on the rocks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a socially inept comment. I'm a divorced lesbian, I wouldn't tell a evangelical high school grad who was recently married that studies show that she's part of group that's also more likely to get divorced because 1. it's not good conversation 2) and the fact that she may feel that some of her identities are looked down upon is going to make her even less likely to want to hear that from me.

I did not tell this woman that she is part of any group. I simply listed the things that are risks for divorce.
Other people chimed in and everyone was surprised to see that adultery was not the main reason.

[Anonymous]

Where did you find these “facts”?

[Anonymous]

Some people take everything personally. I wouldn't think too much of it.

[Anonymous]

So what exactly did this co-worker say to you that was accusing you of being “anti-gay?” What were her specific words? We know she was mad, but what did specifically accuse you of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be offended that you referred to me as a “gay woman.”

Lesbian who’s been married to my wife for over 25 years.

Eh... lesbian here. I use both.

"Gay woman" is about 1000x better than "queer woman."

[Anonymous]

As a "gay woman" who has been married to my wife for 15y, I would want to know where you got that stat from. Just saying, lesbian relationships are more likely to divorce because heterosexual woman are the ones to file for divorce in heterosexual marriage is a pretty long leap in rationale. It doesn't sound like statistical data, but irrational 'logic.'

I am not sure I would call you 'anti gay' as much as ignorant. If you are going to spout info as facts about my marriage, please check your sources and makes sure they are accurate/from a factual source.

[Anonymous]

The data should be easy to come by, since there's a court record for divorce filings.

That said, people don't like it when someone quotes statistics that while true, make a group look bad. For example, if you say that [insert race here] has a higher chance of X or a lower chance of Y, people will call you racist, even if the statistics show this to be true.