Tell me about your divorce timeline

[Anonymous]

When did you decide to divorce? Talk to your partner about it? Talk to an attorney? Agree on a separation agreement? Move out? Finalize?

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I told my husband I wanted a divorce months before I moved out. We wanted to get the kids used to it, at tax time we split our return (he stayed at home with our youngest, so we only had one income and qualified for a return at that time), and I used my part to pay for the lawyer, because the divorce was so simple that we didn't need to pay more than $500. The day we decided to separate until one year later was considered our separation period, and then the divorce was finalized. We went together to the lawyer's office to read over the divorce and make any changes, if needed. We did not go through the courts for child support. He and I have always been best friends, we just didn't work well married (no fighting or anything, just more like two roommates who had sex). We're still best friends, and my husband now is also one of his best friends. Our kids have benefited from the way we did this, because they have never had to hear fighting, no custody battle, no animosity, nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband I wanted a divorce months before I moved out. We wanted to get the kids used to it, at tax time we split our return (he stayed at home with our youngest, so we only had one income and qualified for a return at that time), and I used my part to pay for the lawyer, because the divorce was so simple that we didn't need to pay more than $500. The day we decided to separate until one year later was considered our separation period, and then the divorce was finalized. We went together to the lawyer's office to read over the divorce and make any changes, if needed. We did not go through the courts for child support. He and I have always been best friends, we just didn't work well married (no fighting or anything, just more like two roommates who had sex). We're still best friends, and my husband now is also one of his best friends. Our kids have benefited from the way we did this, because they have never had to hear fighting, no custody battle, no animosity, nothing.

Thank you! What is your child custody arrangement? Did you see a therapist (individually or as a couple) during this time?

Also - what state? I'm in Maryland, and it seems that someone needs to move out for the separation period to begin.

[Anonymous]

Had the discussion. I moved into spare room that night. Talked to an attorney and met with him about a week later. I found my own apartment a month later and moved all the way out. We agreed on almost everything and didn’t have kids so it was finalized 6 months after.

[Anonymous]

It’s too long, painful and traumatic to post about in one paragraph, but I’m 3 years into it and still not divorced. My experience was the exact opposite of PPs, a lot of stalling on his end, manipulation. There was abuse, cheating, hiding money - and I had limited resources to hire a lawyer. Initially I tried to take the approaches above, but he was faking, stalling, not paying support and I was stupid to not file immediately. My reasoning was fear of heightening what was already a traumatic situation and a desire to mediate but I should have filed to have a date forcing a decision on the calendar. I’ll come back to update. But even if you don’t have an attorney yet, or don’t know if you can afford one - file.

[Anonymous]

Filed for divorce, told husband, split cash accounts, agreed on expenses, a month or so later served him (asked his friend who was visiting us). Split other accounts. Went to custody mediation, got the simplest agreement. 6-9 months in agreed on selling the house. Put house on the market. Wrote a separation agreement. Requested a date in court. Sold the house two weeks before the court date. Moved out. Amended agreement. Went to court and got divorce in 5 min. Sent QDRO to HR. No attorneys. Ex was spending lots of time at his girlfriend during the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Filed for divorce, told husband, split cash accounts, agreed on expenses, a month or so later served him (asked his friend who was visiting us). Split other accounts. Went to custody mediation, got the simplest agreement. 6-9 months in agreed on selling the house. Put house on the market. Wrote a separation agreement. Requested a date in court. Sold the house two weeks before the court date. Moved out. Amended agreement. Went to court and got divorce in 5 min. Sent QDRO to HR. No attorneys. Ex was spending lots of time at his girlfriend during the process.

In what state did you divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Filed for divorce, told husband, split cash accounts, agreed on expenses, a month or so later served him (asked his friend who was visiting us). Split other accounts. Went to custody mediation, got the simplest agreement. 6-9 months in agreed on selling the house. Put house on the market. Wrote a separation agreement. Requested a date in court. Sold the house two weeks before the court date. Moved out. Amended agreement. Went to court and got divorce in 5 min. Sent QDRO to HR. No attorneys. Ex was spending lots of time at his girlfriend during the process.

In what state did you divorce?

California. Courts have all the help you need to get the right forms.

[Anonymous]

Year 1 - happy marriage
Year 2 - major issues
Year 3 - therapy and financial counselors
Year 4 - separation (6 months)
- separation agreement (2 months)
- divorce proceedings

other details: this is in DC, no kids, no attorneys

[Anonymous]

When did you decide to divorce? November (none of this is this year/last year - it's several years ago)
Talk to your partner about it? that day
Talk to an attorney? after he and I sorted out how we wanted to split things, deal with kids, financial support, money, etc.
Agree on a separation agreement? it took about a week from when we agreed we needed to break up. Then once we had it all on paper we decided to sit on it for a week to make sure we were comfortable with everything before getting lawyers involved
Move out? December
Finalize? early Spring of the following year.

[Anonymous]

I started going to therapy in like January. Told him I wanted to separate in July. Moved out immediately. Had custody plan nailed down by end of August though it honestly wasn’t contentious. Court date set for early February, also not contentious.

[Anonymous]

He told me he wanted to separate in February and moved out about a week later. We agreed he’d keep paying 1/2 the mortgage and 1/2 daycare.
In June he finally decided to tell me he was done (he hadn’t agreed to do counseling or anything and I found out later he’d been cheating on me before he left).
We started mediation in October (we both met with lawyers around that time). We did not have a contentious process at all, but it took multiple sessions, interrupted by the holidays, and then the lawyers reviewed everything and we had to negotiate some minir things. He filed in May and the divorce was granted in July.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He told me he wanted to separate in February and moved out about a week later. We agreed he’d keep paying 1/2 the mortgage and 1/2 daycare.
In June he finally decided to tell me he was done (he hadn’t agreed to do counseling or anything and I found out later he’d been cheating on me before he left).
We started mediation in October (we both met with lawyers around that time). We did not have a contentious process at all, but it took multiple sessions, interrupted by the holidays, and then the lawyers reviewed everything and we had to negotiate some minir things. He filed in May and the divorce was granted in July.

What state? MD has a year-long separation requirement before filing ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He told me he wanted to separate in February and moved out about a week later. We agreed he’d keep paying 1/2 the mortgage and 1/2 daycare.
In June he finally decided to tell me he was done (he hadn’t agreed to do counseling or anything and I found out later he’d been cheating on me before he left).
We started mediation in October (we both met with lawyers around that time). We did not have a contentious process at all, but it took multiple sessions, interrupted by the holidays, and then the lawyers reviewed everything and we had to negotiate some minir things. He filed in May and the divorce was granted in July.

What state? MD has a year-long separation requirement before filing ...

California here: we were not in any rush, once we agreed on everything, the year long separation would have been easy. My friend just filed papers after being separated for 7 years, it didn't bother him, amicable divorce, same people. My neighbor, on the other hand, keeps going back to court, never enough drama, lawyers are making a fortune there.

[Anonymous]

^sane people, not same people