I need to leave my husband but don't know how

[Anonymous]

DH loves me but not enough for it to work out. We've gone through female friend after female friend of his lying about, writing letters to, and creating strange relationships with (not emotional affairs but still betrayals and awkward). I generally find out about them when the girl, thinking that I've approved, starts putting her arm around DH (once even sat in his lap at a housewarming!). DH doesn't love them, at least not more than he loves me, but can't give them up -- at least not "as friends.". But, he'll have them sleep over or encourage me to be friends with them, or have them borrow my clothes -- all before I find out. And then I find out. It's sick. He's sick.

We've gone to therapy with multiple therapists -- many have told me to leave him after the first session. One, after only 15 minutes, said "he will never stop lying. You need to leave."

I can't. I've been to therapy but I have hope in him. That one day he'll see how much he hurts me and how much I love him and, even if not for me, for our two girls, he'll start to treat me better. It's disgusting.

Anyway, it's been 10 years of this crap. It's affecting my job, as I come in late to work crying, and am often trying to figure it out. I realized tonight that I want to kill him, and we'll likely spend the rest of my life in jail. I don't even want to begin with how it's affecting the kids. I almost killed him tonight -- almost.

I am a strong, ivy-league grad with a fantastic job.

[Anonymous]

I almost lost everything tonight.

[Anonymous]

this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Yeah right. I almost killed my husband tonight. I am not a troll. I was yelling at him so loud in Columbia heights that the cops came.

[Anonymous]

Where are you now? Where is he? Best thing in the moment is physical separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you now? Where is he? Best thing in the moment is physical separation.

Ummm, that's interesting. He's walking the dog and I'm on my phone in our room with a sick daughter.

I guess we just wanted to be apart without knowing that was best.

[Anonymous]

Should I lock our door to keep him out for tonight at least?

I am very upset but the cops scared the shit out of me, so I don't think I'd kill him tonight.

[Anonymous]

Should add that we live in a tiny townhouse so there isn't a lot of room. We just bought it so we can't sell but he could move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should I lock our door to keep him out for tonight at least?

I am very upset but the cops scared the shit out of me, so I don't think I'd kill him tonight.

I don’t know if you’re pulling our chain, but the best thing to is sleep in a separate bedroom. If you honestly still feel you might do him harm, think about your child and what might happen to her if she no longer has no father and her mother is in prison.

[Anonymous]

What's the problem? Either gather all your stuff and your kids stuff and leave for somewhere safe away from that situation, or gather all his stuff, put it out and change the locks. You said you have a fantastic job, what's the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should I lock our door to keep him out for tonight at least?

I am very upset but the cops scared the shit out of me, so I don't think I'd kill him tonight.

I don’t know if you’re pulling our chain, but the best thing to is sleep in a separate bedroom. If you honestly still feel you might do him harm, think about your child and what might happen to her if she no longer has no father and her mother is in prison.

Sorry, duh. I'm not thinking clearly. It's hard to explain but I've been in this situation for so long that it's my normal. I'm used to him coming home and me asking "why?" "Why again?" "Why don't you love me more?" "What did I do to deserve it?". And crying when he doesn't have an answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the problem? Either gather all your stuff and your kids stuff and leave for somewhere safe away from that situation, or gather all his stuff, put it out and change the locks. You said you have a fantastic job, what's the issue?

Yes, stable and good and 9-5 and I don't want to lose it. I could get a renter, maybe another single mom and make ends meet but not enough to do it solo.

I don't see how I can lock him out of the house tonight but I can lock the bedroom door. I just think locking him out with our dog in the middle of the night sounds insane but I'm but thinking right so maybe not.

I hope he leaves without a fight. The cops had to have scared him too. He comes from a filthy rich family so I'm sure he's never had cops called in him in his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should I lock our door to keep him out for tonight at least?

I am very upset but the cops scared the shit out of me, so I don't think I'd kill him tonight.

I don’t know if you’re pulling our chain, but the best thing to is sleep in a separate bedroom. If you honestly still feel you might do him harm, think about your child and what might happen to her if she no longer has no father and her mother is in prison.

Sorry, duh. I'm not thinking clearly. It's hard to explain but I've been in this situation for so long that it's my normal. I'm used to him coming home and me asking "why?" "Why again?" "Why don't you love me more?" "What did I do to deserve it?". And crying when he doesn't have an answer.

It may be true that he is a crappy husband, but you need counseling to get to a better place. For now, if you don’t have a guest bedroom, sleep in your daughter’s room. I honestly don’t know if this is ideal advice, but anything to ease the tension and keep you all safe.

When DH and I fight, he frequently sleeps in the guest bedroom to get some space.

[Anonymous]

It's his house too. You can't lock him out legally.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I agree that I need counseling.

Maybe I don't need to leave him. I need to stop expecting something different from him. He's a good dad, but he has an addiction, and it's hurting me because I never thought I'd be married to a guy like this -- that I'm constantly covering up for. I need help because I'm turning into a person who I hate. It hurts so bad.