My husband won’t take me out

[Anonymous]

We have young kids. We aren’t rich & don’t have family nearby so child care is a luxury. My husband contributes equally to the family, so both are tired. But I would still like to go on a date every once in awhile. He doesn’t seem to make it a priority. When I ask him, he seems puzzled about why we would do that. Tonight my mother was in town so we had planned to go out for a drink when the kids went to bed. But no, without telling me he laid down & I found him snoring in bed. That hurt my feelings. What should I do? Last time we went out together was over Christmas. I have offered to come by his work for lunch dates even.

[Anonymous]

Ask him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask him out.

I do. Like tonight & for all intents & purposes he stood me up. I ask him out & he looks at me like “why?”

[Anonymous]

Are you SAH or are kids in daycare. If daycare both take a day, half day or a few hours off of work for a date. You plan the first one and have him plan the next. Try to do it once a month.

If SAH find another family you can trade childcare with for date nights.

Also plan at home dates when you can't get a sitter. Dress up, order from a restaurant put on your favorite music and dance after the kids are asleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him out.

I do. Like tonight & for all intents & purposes he stood me up. I ask him out & he looks at me like “why?”

Tell him why it's important to you. I'm usually exhausted and fall asleep after kids are asleep so you may need to try for earlier.

[Anonymous]

Don't just mention it, plan it. Maybe do three on a regular rotation (one date night every three weeks or something) and then say 'you need to plan date night #4 - pick a restaurant, tell me what clothing choice is appropriate, and confirm with the sitter'.

[Anonymous]

I’d go out without him once in a while. It sucks that he won’t go out with you. My DH is the same way. I’ll go out alone or with friends because I need to get out sometimes, with or without him. With would be nice, but I’m not going to feel trapped so i can sit at home and be a lump in front of the tv with him or so I can be quiet and not wake him when he falls asleep at 9. At least not every night.

After I started doing that more, he started joining me a little more. I’ll just tell him that I want to try a new restaurant next week- does he want to join me or should I invite a friend, or that I want to see an exhibit at a museum-should I plan to go while he’s traveling for work or would he like me to wait until he gets back so we can go together. It seems to have a similar effect to the 180 thing people talk about here sometimes.

[Anonymous]

How’s your sex life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How’s your sex life?

This. He may feel like he puts in the effort to take you out, and then you come home and go to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's exhausted and doesn't realize how important this is to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he's exhausted and doesn't realize how important this is to you.

Well played.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d go out without him once in a while. It sucks that he won’t go out with you. My DH is the same way. I’ll go out alone or with friends because I need to get out sometimes, with or without him. With would be nice, but I’m not going to feel trapped so i can sit at home and be a lump in front of the tv with him or so I can be quiet and not wake him when he falls asleep at 9. At least not every night.

After I started doing that more, he started joining me a little more. I’ll just tell him that I want to try a new restaurant next week- does he want to join me or should I invite a friend, or that I want to see an exhibit at a museum-should I plan to go while he’s traveling for work or would he like me to wait until he gets back so we can go together. It seems to have a similar effect to the 180 thing people talk about here sometimes.

+1 get out there. Either he’ll chase or someone else will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d go out without him once in a while. It sucks that he won’t go out with you. My DH is the same way. I’ll go out alone or with friends because I need to get out sometimes, with or without him. With would be nice, but I’m not going to feel trapped so i can sit at home and be a lump in front of the tv with him or so I can be quiet and not wake him when he falls asleep at 9. At least not every night.

After I started doing that more, he started joining me a little more. I’ll just tell him that I want to try a new restaurant next week- does he want to join me or should I invite a friend, or that I want to see an exhibit at a museum-should I plan to go while he’s traveling for work or would he like me to wait until he gets back so we can go together. It seems to have a similar effect to the 180 thing people talk about here sometimes.

This. Don’t wait, just do things. He may join you, he may not. Anything is better than waiting around

[Anonymous]

No woman is "entitled" to have dates with her husband any time she wants. If he does not want to go out with you, no doubt something about you is turning him off. Are you selfish when going out? Maybe you end dates prematurely before he's had his fun? Or what about your appearance: any weight gain or hair loss?

I would advise that you try to "woo" him like you did earlier in the relationship to entice him into dating you. Frequent BJs and do extra chores around the house. Give him some "me" time at the end of the day, so he will have more energy to date you.

Be very patient with him. Sometimes this kind of thing can take a decade or three before his desire to date you resumes. Just keep putting in maximum effort on your side, especially the sex, and he will come around.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is having an affair.