New STA parent seeking advice, suggestions, or just plain "I wish I had known X" info

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these posts seem a little to like Lord of the Flies. If DS isn't really a pretty boy, but also isn't an oblivious school grind, will he be forever stuck lower in some pecking order? Doesn't sound great for self esteem.

I find some of those same posts quite offputting as well, but also not very descriptive. For one thing, "Lord of the Flies" generally means no adults and unbridled, unrestrained cruelty. St. Albans has a warm and caring faculty and the school does not sanction nastiness/cruelty. I think the high school experience generally has gotten even more complicated for kids with social media, but as a general matter the Upper School has proved to be a live and let live place where lots of different kids find their own niche. If you meet St. Albans kids/recent grads they also generally seem to have very good self-confidence/self-esteem. One example: it appears that something like a quarter of the rising senior class usually ends up running for class office and giving a speech to the rest of the grade. The kids really like the different speeches and the class officers definitely don't all fit a "pretty boy, uber jock" mold.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry too much about your son fitting in to the "popular" crowd. They seem to be important to their own crowd, but many boys live perfectly happy high school lives without them (especially if your son isn't interested in drinking and hookups.) These boys are really, really busy and spend lots of time with other guys (and NCS girls) who share their interests. Popularity seems really important in middle school, not so much in US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry too much about your son fitting in to the "popular" crowd. They seem to be important to their own crowd, but many boys live perfectly happy high school lives without them (especially if your son isn't interested in drinking and hookups.) These boys are really, really busy and spend lots of time with other guys (and NCS girls) who share their interests. Popularity seems really important in middle school, not so much in US.

parent of more than one STA grad here -- PP's statement is very true. There's a real live-and-let-live culture.

[Anonymous]

Is it true STA seniors did poorly across the board for ED this year?

[Anonymous]

Define poorly.... it is all relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any impressions of 2021? My son, god willing, will be a member of that class next year as an entering 9th grader.

The 2021 class seems to be made up of a nice group of kids. The parents as a whole are also not of the insufferable variety that we have encountered with another son's class.

One person's perspective. Here is mine. There is a core group of pretty boy, jocks and popular boys. They are friendly enough. But if you are not athletic, do not expect to break into the inner circle. Things like parties and dances are just starting up for this grade. So the tension below the calm surface is about to erupt in spades.

2021 = nice group of kids? Tell that to the two members who engaged in fisticuffs the other day.

[Anonymous]

Fisticuffs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fisticuffs?

Are you looking for a definition, or for more details.

If the former, Google it. If the latter, sorry, no.

[Anonymous]

A fistfight? Quelle horreur!

[Anonymous]

I heard this rumor too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son is in lower school and we are seeing this to, To the prior poster, would you share what grade (or range of grades?)? I wonder whether it is his grade in particular (certain grades do tend to be more cliquey); or maybe it is something that happens in a certain grade and then changes over time?

Lower school

Is someone willing to say which Form(s) aren't friendly? We are applying and I'd really like to know. We are leaving a K-8 with a similar issue and I'm very concerned about this issue.

If your son is applying for 9th, I wouldnt worry about it. 9th is a game changer - the entire class dynamics shift tremendously by half way through that year with the influx of boys and the additon of dormers and frankly, the slight calming of pubescent hormones.

If your son is applying for 7th (leaving his K-8 early), I would say do it regardless of that class (2023) - a class I only know a little bit about but all good. Boys who start in 7th have an advantage academically - time to adjust and its a big adjustment - over those who come in 9th. I say this as the mom of a current STA student who came from a local K-8.

Even though you say all good about 2023, is there something about that class that is on point with the PP's post?

Not in that class but have been on sports teams with many of them and have heard the grade has changed for the worse. Some kids this year feel very excluded socially, as apparently the grade has changed and become a very cliquey grade, with one or two of the boys trying to dictate the social groups by socially bullying other boys and deciding who gets to be in a group or not. Add in a few cliquey moms to the mix makes it worse. School has been informed but has not taken action against the boy(s) in question.

Over time? Seems obvious as social skill building, not cute. More schools should make such efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard this rumor too.

Not merely rumor. There is a video. Not as riveting as last year's cat burglar video, but just as troublesome.

[Anonymous]

So there was a fight between two boys at an all-boys school. So what? That's just how boys resolve things sometimes. Now they'll have to deal with the consequences of their behavior, which is part of learning to be a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son is in lower school and we are seeing this to, To the prior poster, would you share what grade (or range of grades?)? I wonder whether it is his grade in particular (certain grades do tend to be more cliquey); or maybe it is something that happens in a certain grade and then changes over time?

Lower school

Is someone willing to say which Form(s) aren't friendly? We are applying and I'd really like to know. We are leaving a K-8 with a similar issue and I'm very concerned about this issue.

If your son is applying for 9th, I wouldnt worry about it. 9th is a game changer - the entire class dynamics shift tremendously by half way through that year with the influx of boys and the additon of dormers and frankly, the slight calming of pubescent hormones.

If your son is applying for 7th (leaving his K-8 early), I would say do it regardless of that class (2023) - a class I only know a little bit about but all good. Boys who start in 7th have an advantage academically - time to adjust and its a big adjustment - over those who come in 9th. I say this as the mom of a current STA student who came from a local K-8.

Even though you say all good about 2023, is there something about that class that is on point with the PP's post?

Not in that class but have been on sports teams with many of them and have heard the grade has changed for the worse. Some kids this year feel very excluded socially, as apparently the grade has changed and become a very cliquey grade, with one or two of the boys trying to dictate the social groups by socially bullying other boys and deciding who gets to be in a group or not. Add in a few cliquey moms to the mix makes it worse. School has been informed but has not taken action against the boy(s) in question.

Over time? Seems obvious as social skill building, not cute. More schools should make such efforts.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son is in lower school and we are seeing this to, To the prior poster, would you share what grade (or range of grades?)? I wonder whether it is his grade in particular (certain grades do tend to be more cliquey); or maybe it is something that happens in a certain grade and then changes over time?

Lower school

Is someone willing to say which Form(s) aren't friendly? We are applying and I'd really like to know. We are leaving a K-8 with a similar issue and I'm very concerned about this issue.

If your son is applying for 9th, I wouldnt worry about it. 9th is a game changer - the entire class dynamics shift tremendously by half way through that year with the influx of boys and the additon of dormers and frankly, the slight calming of pubescent hormones.

If your son is applying for 7th (leaving his K-8 early), I would say do it regardless of that class (2023) - a class I only know a little bit about but all good. Boys who start in 7th have an advantage academically - time to adjust and its a big adjustment - over those who come in 9th. I say this as the mom of a current STA student who came from a local K-8.

Even though you say all good about 2023, is there something about that class that is on point with the PP's post?

Not in that class but have been on sports teams with many of them and have heard the grade has changed for the worse. Some kids this year feel very excluded socially, as apparently the grade has changed and become a very cliquey grade, with one or two of the boys trying to dictate the social groups by socially bullying other boys and deciding who gets to be in a group or not. Add in a few cliquey moms to the mix makes it worse. School has been informed but has not taken action against the boy(s) in question.

2023 is a pretty nice class. Many are friends with different groups. The main complaints involve the same one or two boys that are engaging in social bullying stuff but I think that may change, as it sounds like it is becoming a pattern with them so eventually someone will speak up and tell the school so they can tell the parents.