New STA parent seeking advice, suggestions, or just plain "I wish I had known X" info

[Anonymous]

Phew! Scored an 8! So happy I am not insufferable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any impressions of 2021? My son, god willing, will be a member of that class next year as an entering 9th grader.

The 2021 class seems to be made up of a nice group of kids. The parents as a whole are also not of the insufferable variety that we have encountered with another son's class.

One person's perspective. Here is mine. There is a core group of pretty boy, jocks and popular boys. They are friendly enough. But if you are not athletic, do not expect to break into the inner circle. Things like parties and dances are just starting up for this grade. So the tension below the calm surface is about to erupt in spades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any impressions of 2021? My son, god willing, will be a member of that class next year as an entering 9th grader.

The 2021 class seems to be made up of a nice group of kids. The parents as a whole are also not of the insufferable variety that we have encountered with another son's class.

One person's perspective. Here is mine. There is a core group of pretty boy, jocks and popular boys. They are friendly enough. But if you are not athletic, do not expect to break into the inner circle. Things like parties and dances are just starting up for this grade. So the tension below the calm surface is about to erupt in spades.

Here is the problem with that class, and it applies to the other classes of boys (I've had 3) I've seen. You will always have the "pretty boy" jocks who by virtue of those qualities become big fish in the small Cathedral pond. You will have a small group of the brainy/nerdy boys who are perfectly content to fly below the radar. Then you have everyone else, who aspire to be noticed, but do not fit into the "pretty boy" jock mold and so exist in a state of wanting. It's really like your high school experience, but with such small classes it's much harder to find a niche or subgroup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any impressions of 2021? My son, god willing, will be a member of that class next year as an entering 9th grader.

The 2021 class seems to be made up of a nice group of kids. The parents as a whole are also not of the insufferable variety that we have encountered with another son's class.

One person's perspective. Here is mine. There is a core group of pretty boy, jocks and popular boys. They are friendly enough. But if you are not athletic, do not expect to break into the inner circle. Things like parties and dances are just starting up for this grade. So the tension below the calm surface is about to erupt in spades.

Here is the problem with that class, and it applies to the other classes of boys (I've had 3) I've seen. You will always have the "pretty boy" jocks who by virtue of those qualities become big fish in the small Cathedral pond. You will have a small group of the brainy/nerdy boys who are perfectly content to fly below the radar. Then you have everyone else, who aspire to be noticed, but do not fit into the "pretty boy" jock mold and so exist in a state of wanting. It's really like your high school experience, but with such small classes it's much harder to find a niche or subgroup.

With such a small school, don't parents even want to try to make things better than their high school experience? Why do parents just accept things that maybe could be better and nicer. I say this as someone that was in the popular group always and does not have a son in this particular grade. Why not aim high and think we could make things better and nicer? I know of one grade in high school that has done just that and has succeeded in creating a pretty nice grade and community feel among the boys and I think in large part it is because several of the parents really tried to set the tone for that class from an early start. I admire them for doing that, as that is not the case unfortunately always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any impressions of 2021? My son, god willing, will be a member of that class next year as an entering 9th grader.

The 2021 class seems to be made up of a nice group of kids. The parents as a whole are also not of the insufferable variety that we have encountered with another son's class.

One person's perspective. Here is mine. There is a core group of pretty boy, jocks and popular boys. They are friendly enough. But if you are not athletic, do not expect to break into the inner circle. Things like parties and dances are just starting up for this grade. So the tension below the calm surface is about to erupt in spades.

Here's another perspective. The classes are small. Even in upper school, there will be fewer than 90 boys in a graduating class, in my son's class, substantially fewer than 90. If only the "pretty boy, jocks and popular" boys hung out together, you'd be talking a group of no more than 10 in each class. That gets boring fast. Because of the small numbers, and more to the point, because of the sense of brotherhood that STA instills, high school cliques like the ones you may have experienced simply do not exist as firm lines of demarcation between the boys. Within the class, and really within the school, the lax bros for instance embrace the less athletic mathletes. It is as advertised, a "brotherhood" for life. That alone leaves me comfortable in the fact that we are spending a boatload of money for this opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is funny. Can't believe people at STA actually voted for Trump. So glad we didn't go that route! Either no one at Sidwell did or they keep quiet about it.

Oh, I promise you parents at Sidwell did. Me, for one! And I haven't been particularly quiet about it, either.

Ewww. Talk about the wrong values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any impressions of 2021? My son, god willing, will be a member of that class next year as an entering 9th grader.

The 2021 class seems to be made up of a nice group of kids. The parents as a whole are also not of the insufferable variety that we have encountered with another son's class.

One person's perspective. Here is mine. There is a core group of pretty boy, jocks and popular boys. They are friendly enough. But if you are not athletic, do not expect to break into the inner circle. Things like parties and dances are just starting up for this grade. So the tension below the calm surface is about to erupt in spades.

Here's another perspective. The classes are small. Even in upper school, there will be fewer than 90 boys in a graduating class, in my son's class, substantially fewer than 90. If only the "pretty boy, jocks and popular" boys hung out together, you'd be talking a group of no more than 10 in each class. That gets boring fast. Because of the small numbers, and more to the point, because of the sense of brotherhood that STA instills, high school cliques like the ones you may have experienced simply do not exist as firm lines of demarcation between the boys. Within the class, and really within the school, the lax bros for instance embrace the less athletic mathletes. It is as advertised, a "brotherhood" for life. That alone leaves me comfortable in the fact that we are spending a boatload of money for this opportunity.

I find the truth somewhere in the middle. There's a lot of interaction and relationships that cross over various activities, and the family-style lunch with assigned seatings helps with breaking up the sort of school-day cliques that are featured in Breakfast Club type movies or many of our own memories. But it's still high school. It's easier to be "popular" if one is a handsome athlete. But that's not the only path to being respected and liked, by any means. Good place overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any impressions of 2021? My son, god willing, will be a member of that class next year as an entering 9th grader.

The 2021 class seems to be made up of a nice group of kids. The parents as a whole are also not of the insufferable variety that we have encountered with another son's class.

One person's perspective. Here is mine. There is a core group of pretty boy, jocks and popular boys. They are friendly enough. But if you are not athletic, do not expect to break into the inner circle. Things like parties and dances are just starting up for this grade. So the tension below the calm surface is about to erupt in spades.

Here's another perspective. The classes are small. Even in upper school, there will be fewer than 90 boys in a graduating class, in my son's class, substantially fewer than 90. If only the "pretty boy, jocks and popular" boys hung out together, you'd be talking a group of no more than 10 in each class. That gets boring fast. Because of the small numbers, and more to the point, because of the sense of brotherhood that STA instills, high school cliques like the ones you may have experienced simply do not exist as firm lines of demarcation between the boys. Within the class, and really within the school, the lax bros for instance embrace the less athletic mathletes. It is as advertised, a "brotherhood" for life. That alone leaves me comfortable in the fact that we are spending a boatload of money for this opportunity.

I find the truth somewhere in the middle. There's a lot of interaction and relationships that cross over various activities, and the family-style lunch with assigned seatings helps with breaking up the sort of school-day cliques that are featured in Breakfast Club type movies or many of our own memories. But it's still high school. It's easier to be "popular" if one is a handsome athlete. But that's not the only path to being respected and liked, by any means. Good place overall.

The family style lunch - with rotating assigned tables - seems cute and charming when you first hear about it. Over time you see it as a brilliant and carefully designed way to break down barriers and build cohesion among the boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son is in lower school and we are seeing this to, To the prior poster, would you share what grade (or range of grades?)? I wonder whether it is his grade in particular (certain grades do tend to be more cliquey); or maybe it is something that happens in a certain grade and then changes over time?

Lower school

Is someone willing to say which Form(s) aren't friendly? We are applying and I'd really like to know. We are leaving a K-8 with a similar issue and I'm very concerned about this issue.

If your son is applying for 9th, I wouldnt worry about it. 9th is a game changer - the entire class dynamics shift tremendously by half way through that year with the influx of boys and the additon of dormers and frankly, the slight calming of pubescent hormones.

If your son is applying for 7th (leaving his K-8 early), I would say do it regardless of that class (2023) - a class I only know a little bit about but all good. Boys who start in 7th have an advantage academically - time to adjust and its a big adjustment - over those who come in 9th. I say this as the mom of a current STA student who came from a local K-8.

Even though you say all good about 2023, is there something about that class that is on point with the PP's post?

Not in that class but have been on sports teams with many of them and have heard the grade has changed for the worse. Some kids this year feel very excluded socially, as apparently the grade has changed and become a very cliquey grade, with one or two of the boys trying to dictate the social groups by socially bullying other boys and deciding who gets to be in a group or not. Add in a few cliquey moms to the mix makes it worse. School has been informed but has not taken action against the boy(s) in question.

[Anonymous]

All this kumbaya brotherhood sentiment is bs. The place is Lord of the Flies. So many boys are suffering in quiet desperation.

[Anonymous]

The over the top bullies, and their victims, tend to leave, voluntary or otherwise, before graduation. What you are left with is a great bunch of boys, toughened up, and ready for the real world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The over the top bullies, and their victims, tend to leave, voluntary or otherwise, before graduation. What you are left with is a great bunch of boys, toughened up, and ready for the real world.

This does not sound good saying that their victims leave. I don't think STA wants that. Also, social bullies can be worse than physical bullies and they should leave instead of forcing their victims to leave. Schools need to pull aside kids that are social bullying others and tell them they won't be invited back next year if it continues. This is such an easy thing to do and has proven effective in other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The over the top bullies, and their victims, tend to leave, voluntary or otherwise, before graduation. What you are left with is a great bunch of boys, toughened up, and ready for the real world.

Creepy sounding and inaccurate, in my experience (over 10 years -- yikes). There's very little attrition compared to many privates. Neither the school nor the boys are perfect but it is a caring, responsive faculty and the overall experience is highly positive for most. Nevertheless, adolescence can be a lonely and difficult time and some boys I'm sure leave feeling they might have been happier somewhere else (bigger, or public, or co-ed). I do think it's a mistake to generalize too broadly, and the idea of getting worthwhile "intel' on a particular grade is fraught with problems. Tour, talk to other families, listen to your child's impressions of if he thinks he'd like it. But even with that, nothing is too wholly predictable.

[Anonymous]

+1...especially the part about "listening" to your child's view. We did and never looked back and certainly never regretted it. As parents, our objective was what was best for the child not our ability to say we have a son at STA at the holiday cocktail party.

[Anonymous]

Some of these posts seem a little to like Lord of the Flies. If DS isn't really a pretty boy, but also isn't an oblivious school grind, will he be forever stuck lower in some pecking order? Doesn't sound great for self esteem.