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Schools and Education General Discussion
WWYD. African American student, academically gifted, socially awkward, thinking of schools.
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Anonymous
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DC will be entering K next year. Very gifted, talking at 9 months reading well now. BUT DC is awkward and easily influenced. Gets into trouble by following the wrong kids.
Here is my situation: The public school that we are zoned for has African American students performing well below the White and Asian students. There is a private school that is under consideration where the African American students do as well as the other students, but is is almost out of our budget. I am told by my neighbors, who are White and Asian, that the public school is very good, and they are very happy there. I have not spoken to any African American parents, b/c I don't know any of them. I see my DC doing everything to fit into all social situations. (I would love to change that personal characteristic, but it is what it is). What worries me is if the need to fit in involves doing poorly in school, we could have a bad situation. Constructive advice appreciated. |
Anonymous
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I would try the public school for one year and supplement the curriculum with other lessons on weekends and in the evenings. I would try to save money during that year for private school next year so that I could transfer him if things got really bad.
You are essentially trying to shelter him from himself and that will be tough. He will have to deal with this personality trait and sooner may be better than later. I have heard, for example, that the pressure to use drugs is much greater at fancy private schools. If your son is highly susceptible to peer pressure problems will probably find him no matter where he is. |
Anonymous
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I personally have not made any school choice decisions for my two AA boys on the differential racial breakdown of test results. I have used the test results to identify "high" performing schools. We are fortunate to live in a fine public school district. We briefly considered private school in DC area when we had relocated to the area 3 and 1/2 years ago. We actually turned down 2 fine offers in favor of our neighborhood public school. We have not looked back. I was fortunate to get my social and cultural grounding at home from my family and network. This was a huge advantage in elite private or public school settings when, in my day, you could count the number of AA on one hand. Just because aggregate statistics paint the bleak racial picture you describe doesn't mean your child must acquiesce. There is nothing wrong with being the intellectual and academic outlier, however, you must advocate aggressively on your child's behalf to whittle away at the entrenched preconceived notions and expectations of teachers in the school system...private and public. This is a full time job!!
One of the concerns I have about attending fancy private schools is a disease some young children get quite early in life --- the entitlement syndrome. Some folk expect that since they attended such and such school, "the best in class", when they get out into the real world things should come easy. They are lulled into a false sense of security from many years in this private school cocoon where all they heard was the self-promoting monotone of being smart and going to the best school in DC. And some grow to believe the hype and throttle their fire and drive. For many, private school ultimately ruins them; they can't function and perform in the big pond. And when their legacy drinking buddy peers step into fine universities and cushy jobs it comes as a huge blow. In the case of an academically gifted but socially awkward child public or private school settings may offer no panacea regardless of the racial make-up and differential mean test scores (particularly if we are talking about profoundly gifted intellect defined as 99.9 percentile on established IQ tests). I advise you get early and continual external source documentation of his intellect and talent because this will go a long way in advocating for challenging subject appropriate classes (public or private school). This documentation will depend on your child's age (e.g., IQ test, Explore test via Talent search, SCAT exam via Talent search program). This is critical because some school systems are not adept at making proper diagnoses and some young children (AA and other minority males in particular) are quickly and conveniently labeled behaviour problems. I cannot overemphasize the latter observation. Getting external data independent of the school is more important than worrying about the number of AA in his class/school and their test scores. Testing in the 99.9 percentile across the board on externally validated above grade level instruments goes a long, long way towards silencing bureaucratic naysayers and those with preconceived notions embedded in their DNA regarding expectations for AA. I have first hand experience with my 8-year-old son now in 3rd grade. The solution required constant vigilance of his teachers (most teachers are surprised to see caring and involved AA parents), outside exams to refute preconceived notions and finally appropriate subject acceleration by the school. I no longer get annoying weekly emails and calls from his teachers and the headmaster. He now has his recess time back. On the other hand, if you suspect your child may have academic difficulties in school and may not thrive in a diverse big pond then it may be advisable to find a private school with small classes and more individual attention to nurture intellectual talent, build confidence and catch up. Starting with a private school does not necessarily mean that a public option may not be better down the road (and vice versa). No one size fits all, all the time. At the end of the day, I believe a child's cultural, ethnic and moral grounding should come from home and the family. If such exists this will probably serve as the best moral compass for the child. I do not believe you can rely on school (public or private) or classmates (AA or otherwise) for this grounding. |
Anonymous
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Wow. What a thorough and thoughtful answer, PP. Especially for 4:06am!
Not the OP, but would you mind elaborating on something (without compromising your privacy). You say "I no longer get annoying weekly emails and calls from his teachers and the headmaster. He now has his recess time back." I take that to mean your son was getting specific negative disciplinary feedback. Can you elide further on this? |
Anonymous
Yea, I am curious too. |
Anonymous
Also not the OP, I also was wowed by PP's reply. The hair's on the back of my neck went up after reading: "I no longer get annoying weekly emails and calls from his teachers and the headmaster. He now has his recess time back." A family friend is at a private school where he's been placed on "watch." He's tested in the profoundly gifted range and in the classroom is considered academically superior by his teachers. However, he has been labeled a disciplinary problem. He can only continue at the school if he's placed on meds (doseage administered each morning by the school) and receives extensive at-school and private counseling. I'm shocked that his parents haven't removed him from this school. |
Anonymous
This is all well and good in THEORY. But I know if I were raised with a bunch of kids who were trouble, no matter what my parents did, some of my friends behavior would rub off on me. |
Anonymous
| My kid lost recess time a lot, too. Unfortunately it is a common punishment. Always backfired in our case. |
Anonymous
I thought the same thing. Right down to the wow. It's nice to see someone take the time to give such a thorough response. And I agree with everything in it as well. Hopefully it's helpful to the OP. |
Anonymous
Can you tell me if African American kids get this punishment more? |
Anonymous
| OP, where do you live? My kids are in a not particularly expensive private that's quite good. The student population is heavily AA and high performing. |
Anonymous
What school are they in? |
Anonymous
| To 10:36 - Nope. My kid isn't AA. There didn't seem to be any unfairness going on in that direction. Just making the point that it is a common punishment for boys these days. |
Anonymous
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On the recess bit as punsishment for boys, we switched our DS schools. child never very ill behaved but with First school by end of the year,he and the other boys still had recess - but no sports allowed after being too rough or not well behaved at recess. switched schools that understood boys - more recess and very active sports at recess and pe. huge difference - can see impact throughout day and at home. even more willing to do the homework. truly amazing.
my neighbor had interesting comment - where she grew up, it was understood that boys need recess and time to run it out. if you were "misbehaved", you couldn't have "free play" at recess but needed to run it off in a few laps first! removing the outside activity, was seen to escalate issues, not help it! |
Anonymous
agree with making them run it off. |