WWYD. African American student, academically gifted, socially awkward, thinking of schools.

[Anonymous]

To go along with the previous post, I also think that as AA parents, we have to also make sure we are present at the school and that the teachers and administrators know we care and are aware of what's going on with our children and the school. One of the stereotypes I hear about AA parents, esp. those with lower economic hardships is that they aren't around much to get a handle on their children's education (whether on not that is purposely, they don't care or can't because of odd working hours.) We have to be vigilant about going to PTA meetings, parent conferences, field trips, unannounced visits to the classroom, etc. as well as preparing our kids for the learning process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one AA parent who believes that we have to go out of our way to make sure that our kids over perform early on. That should help break the stereotyping that teachers can have, and might lead to positive reinforcement that can go a very long way.
I made sure that both of my dc's were reading before starting school (one is very average academically). I worked tirelessly making sure that they had good understanding of math concepts before starting school. An extra push can't hurt.

I hate to push for academic pressure at such an early age, but I totally agree with this post. I fully intend to do everything I can to make sure that my DD is reading before she enters kindergarten. I was able to read at that age, and it proved to be a tremendous boost to my self esteem, and as the pp mentions, I think it also helped make me stand out to my teachers as one of the smart kids. For AA kids, especially before the teachers have had an opportunity to really meet the parents, I think that being able to read and maybe do some math before they enter school is a priceless advantage.

[Anonymous]

I agree. You have to let the teachers and administration know early that you are an involved parent with high expectations for your kid. I've found that once they understand that, teachers will work with you. My husband went to MCPS back in the '70's, and his mother had to raise holy hell to make sure that he was placed in the more challenging classes; one teacher had the nerve to tell her that she should be perfectly satisfied with her son's "C" in a class. Needless to say, after a semester or two, they knew better than to hold my husband to the same low expectations. Sad that she had to resort to it, but that's how it was. The low expectations for AA boys in public schools is one of the reasons we eventually switched to private.

[Anonymous]

You know, I think that we as AA parents can be a bit naive about what others are doing with their kids. I am amazed at the poor quality preschools that many of our kids get. Huge differences in standards. Also, when I look at what a friend of mine does with her kids. She is white, educated, upper middle class. From two, she was quizzing her dd's (nicely, so they did not mind). She has a whole room set up with TONS of academic material. I could not believe how much stuff was in that house. I have seen that in other families, and I think, if we are going to really compete, we have to do more.

[Anonymous]

I'm not naive. We have a similar setup at home. Plus tutors, enrichment classes, etc. My parents did it for us, and we're doing it for our kids. I've told them that they may not get the latest toys and clothes, but they'll get the best education we can give them.

[Anonymous]

I remember getting into my share of trouble with some underperforming classmates. When we later moved to a more affluent area, I noticed that everyone could read so much better than I did. I struggled for years. Finally, I caught up. The threat is real. It takes skill to remove your child from a bad crowd. There is a risk of insulting whole families. Frankly, I am embarrassed by the academic performance of fellow AA's children, even though I understand the sad history behind it all.
Right now, the bar is set too low. I know a family with two VERY smart daughters in PGCS. They don't read nearly as well as my dd, who was waaay behind them developmentally at a younger age. The parents are happy with their dds progress, and I feel sorry for them. When they hit college, they will see what they have missed out on from an academic perspective. I think in the end they will be fine. They are nice and happy, but ther will be some hurdles and stresses later.

I think that the school systems like MCPS go out of their way to integrate. Funny shaped school boundaries. I am not sure what that does in the long run. Seems to me that the underperforming group ( regardless of race) does not bond with the whole class. The set up causes embarrassment and resentment. The stereotypes are then imbedded even more. My ideal would be to integrate along the ame socioeconomic levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, this is the big issue. If I can find an environment, public or private, where nearly all of the AA families take education seriously, REGARDLESS of their child's IQ, I would be happy.

Without already being in the school system I'm meeting other AA families that take education seriously via college alumni. I've found other AA females that I know from college that are in this area are just as serious about education as I am. If you can connect with any AA families that homeschool their children chances are they are extremely serious about it. It doesn't help you find a school but maybe it could help with activities and a peer group for your son. Charter/magnet schools is another option. My grandmother didn't go to college and didn't have a lot of money but was passionate about education. Her passion translated into making sure her children got the best education they could at the science magnet schools in New York city. Chances are if the parent has taken the time to find out about the magnet or charter and apply they are trying to find the best education option for their children and potentially is not in a situation to just write a check for private school. If you were involved in something like Mocha Moms there may be other moms of the same mindset as you. Another option is to seek out other parents at your child's preschool that you have things in common with and find out where they are sending their children. I do know what you mean though - I haven't met that many AA families in my area. It seems like I have connected at work with other people that take education very seriously but unfortunately they aren't in the same county as where I live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't say if private school is the answer but I think you want to find other AA families with a similar academic bent as yourself and boys around your son's age. If he has the success of having friends that have similar goals and share the same background if faced with a situation when someone is saying something is wrong with him for example because he does well in school, he at least can question maybe the problem is with that person since he has other friends that are like him. As for peer pressure - my mom didn't take any crap - we were way more worried about dealing with her than fitting in. Yes, we wanted to fit in - but it couldn't be something that would get us in trouble at home.

OP here, this is the big issue. If I can find an environment, public or private, where nearly all of the AA families take education seriously, REGARDLESS of their child's IQ, I would be happy.

I have not met any AA families at private school who do not take education seriously. More serious than many advantaged legacy type families. Same for AA families in pricey areas that feed to public schools.