MIL's love to own kid vs grandkid could be totatlly different?

[Anonymous]

MIL was not that loving & caring to DH when he was growing up, and it also comes with some beating & stuffs. And, I find it amazing that now in her 60s, she CAN BE that caring & loving to the grandkid (BIL's daughter, unfortunately not towards to our grandson though) and being an awesome grandma. Both I & DH find it shocking that MIL can do that far helping out to take care of BIL's daughter since she was born day 1; but at the same time, I feel a bit bitterness for our little boy. Well, DH tells me that don't compare, don't look at it because he says his older brother is always the favorite in the family, so he is not surprised his mom will do that. But he tells me that he does not care much about his mom's love & care to our son if there are any or she offers because his childhood memory is not that great. It is true that a woman can treat a son not that great, but treat grandkid with full of love because of ages?

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with generational differences. Your MIL, for whatever reason, preferred your BIL to your DH. And that has extended to the grandchildren. Who knows why MIL doesn't like your DH - maybe there's some dark family secret behind it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, it sounds like it's not just a matter of different generations but of ongoing differences in her treatment of her own children, carried down to the next generation. Unfortunately, it seems that some people can be loving to some children and not others, and to some grandchildren and not others. Your husband sounds wise not to waste any more time wishing for what might have been.

[Anonymous]

People are complicated. They can be wonderful to some and terrible to others.

[Anonymous]

Is your DH a disappointment to your MIL? Is your child not as cute, smart and easy going as BILs? Does she not like you very much?

The problem could be that you, your DH, your child are not as deserving of this particular person's love. You cannot force people to like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH a disappointment to your MIL? Is your child not as cute, smart and easy going as BILs? Does she not like you very much?

The problem could be that you, your DH, your child are not as deserving of this particular person's love. You cannot force people to like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH a disappointment to your MIL? Is your child not as cute, smart and easy going as BILs? Does she not like you very much?

The problem could be that you, your DH, your child are not as deserving of this particular person's love. You cannot force people to like you.

You are crazy lol. All children are cute. And unless MIL is administering IQ tests I doubt she would know which child is matter.

OP I understand this just be frustrating to you but seriously would you really want someone who administered “some beatings” to any child (and your own husband at that!) to be close with your child? I wouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

*smarter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL was not that loving & caring to DH when he was growing up, and it also comes with some beating & stuffs. And, I find it amazing that now in her 60s, she CAN BE that caring & loving to the grandkid (BIL's daughter, unfortunately not towards to our grandson though) and being an awesome grandma. Both I & DH find it shocking that MIL can do that far helping out to take care of BIL's daughter since she was born day 1; but at the same time, I feel a bit bitterness for our little boy. Well, DH tells me that don't compare, don't look at it because he says his older brother is always the favorite in the family, so he is not surprised his mom will do that. But he tells me that he does not care much about his mom's love & care to our son if there are any or she offers because his childhood memory is not that great. It is true that a woman can treat a son not that great, but treat grandkid with full of love because of ages?

GET OVER IT.

You are holding on to bitterness for the difference in how your MIL treated your DH and now is caring toward your son?

You realize your actively taking on other people's baggage. this is your dh's deal not about you.

The past is the past. Wasting time focusing on it won't change a damn thing.

Would you rather her be awful now?

What a colossal waste of energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH a disappointment to your MIL? Is your child not as cute, smart and easy going as BILs? Does she not like you very much?

The problem could be that you, your DH, your child are not as deserving of this particular person's love. You cannot force people to like you.

Well hello, Mr President.

[Anonymous]

I have a family member who loves little girls but really dislikes little boys. She didn't do a great job with her son and has very little relationship with her grandson. But, aspires to be a wonderful grandmother to her female grandchildren. She shows more live to the "richer" female grandkids than the "poorer."

It's very weird and, no, she's not a feminist-- she's a hard core conservative. Hard to tell OP, there may be a variety of reasons why she favors one child over the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH a disappointment to your MIL? Is your child not as cute, smart and easy going as BILs? Does she not like you very much?

The problem could be that you, your DH, your child are not as deserving of this particular person's love. You cannot force people to like you.

What kind of nutjob are you?

[Anonymous]

My paternal grandparents were like this. Totally indifferent to my father, and in turn totally indifferent to us, his children, while totally obsessed with my father's sibling and sibling's offspring.

They didn't remember our birthdays growing up and really just didn't care whether they saw us at all, while spending a ton of time babysitting and nurturing our cousins. My father was fairly numb to it because that was his reality from birth, but it always infuriated my mom. Luckily for us, maternal grandparents were extremely loving and caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL was not that loving & caring to DH when he was growing up, and it also comes with some beating & stuffs. And, I find it amazing that now in her 60s, she CAN BE that caring & loving to the grandkid (BIL's daughter, unfortunately not towards to our grandson though) and being an awesome grandma. Both I & DH find it shocking that MIL can do that far helping out to take care of BIL's daughter since she was born day 1; but at the same time, I feel a bit bitterness for our little boy. Well, DH tells me that don't compare, don't look at it because he says his older brother is always the favorite in the family, so he is not surprised his mom will do that. But he tells me that he does not care much about his mom's love & care to our son if there are any or she offers because his childhood memory is not that great. It is true that a woman can treat a son not that great, but treat grandkid with full of love because of ages?

GET OVER IT.

You are holding on to bitterness for the difference in how your MIL treated your DH and now is caring toward your son?

You realize your actively taking on other people's baggage. this is your dh's deal not about you.

The past is the past. Wasting time focusing on it won't change a damn thing.

Would you rather her be awful now?

What a colossal waste of energy.

Did you read the post? The MIL treated the DH terribly and now also treats OPs child poorly. That is absolutely the OPs business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL was not that loving & caring to DH when he was growing up, and it also comes with some beating & stuffs. And, I find it amazing that now in her 60s, she CAN BE that caring & loving to the grandkid (BIL's daughter, unfortunately not towards to our grandson though) and being an awesome grandma. Both I & DH find it shocking that MIL can do that far helping out to take care of BIL's daughter since she was born day 1; but at the same time, I feel a bit bitterness for our little boy. Well, DH tells me that don't compare, don't look at it because he says his older brother is always the favorite in the family, so he is not surprised his mom will do that. But he tells me that he does not care much about his mom's love & care to our son if there are any or she offers because his childhood memory is not that great. It is true that a woman can treat a son not that great, but treat grandkid with full of love because of ages?

GET OVER IT.

You are holding on to bitterness for the difference in how your MIL treated your DH and now is caring toward your son?

You realize your actively taking on other people's baggage. this is your dh's deal not about you.

The past is the past. Wasting time focusing on it won't change a damn thing.

Would you rather her be awful now?

What a colossal waste of energy.

Did you read the post? The MIL treated the DH terribly and now also treats OPs child poorly. That is absolutely the OPs business.

NP here. While I agree it's op's business in that sense, I agree with pp that she should let it go. Some people are damaged goods. MIL appears to be one of those people. OP should protect the kids as best she can from the craziness, but she has no power to change her MIL. This is where the "accept things as they are" part of the serenity prayer comes into play.