Do I try to reconnect with an old friend
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Anonymous
| The backstory is that one of my best friends ghosted me six years ago, right around the time my husband and I got engaged. After a few months of her avoiding me, we were going to get together for drinks but then cancelled via email saying she didn't want to and that the reason she ghosted me was b/c she saw us going in different directions or having different priorities (I forget the exact wording). I didn't know how to respond b/c this came out of left field. It's been six years and I've thought about reaching out to her, esp when I saw she was getting married but didn't b/c I didn't want to intrude, esp if it would be hurtful or stressful for her to hear from me. I want to reach out to say hi, that she doesn't need to respond but I've been thinking about her and am sorry our friendship ended and hope she's well. I'm not expecting her to come back and be like, I missed you too, let's be BFF's again. Thoughts? How have others navigated this? |
Anonymous
| How many years were you friends? |
Anonymous
| She doesn't like your husband/spouse |
Anonymous
She dumped you and hasn't reached out. I think that speaks pretty loudly about how much she'd like to hear from you. I would just leave her be. |
Anonymous
6-7 years. We went on trips together, talked about growing old together, drinking our wine in our rockers. I was going to ask her to be in my wedding. |
Anonymous
I disagree. She may have been feeling jealous and now is too ashamed of her childishness to reach out. I think you reaching out to her once would be fine. I'm assuming there was no big blowup, per your OP. She is always free not to respond. |
Anonymous
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Probably something like this. You should ask your DH if she ever had queue cards
https://www.buzzfeed.com/matwhitehead/gross-actually?utm_term=.jbKRE3NpL#.uy44AmV0L |
Anonymous
| I thought about doing this with a friend, and in the end decided not to. I wasn't sure what outcome I hoped for, so I couldn’t really manage my expectations around it. |
Anonymous
| Why would you even want someone who abandoned you so cavalierly in your life? I had a former friend do that to me; I don’t miss that bitch at all. |
Anonymous
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Text her at 2am and say, "Hey girl out getting twisted was thinking about you - love ya!"
It'll open the door and she can respond or not. If her response isn't amicable you can explain it away as a drunk-text. |
Anonymous
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I would write her a handwritten letter. No email, no text, no call. Keep it short and sweet. Just mail the letter. Or a few sentences on a blank note card you pick up fro the store. Wish her well, let her know you're happy for her news, but wish her the best. Don't share anything about what is going on with you. Then, mail it - and let it go once and for all. Let the chips fall where they may.
If she wants to connect, it needs to be on her. A letter is a genuine last resort, shows true effort and care, and opens the door for a reconnection if she's interested. You're not opening the door. Just opening the gate, so she can approach the porch and knock on her own accord. |
Anonymous
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The real question is why you still want to be friends. She told you she was ready to move on, then she moved on, and here we are, 6 years later, and you still can't let it go. What's up with that?
Look, it would be great if everyone we feel close to stayed a close friend forever. But, they don't. That's life. People change and move on. Someone once told me that there are three kinds of friends: reason, season, and lifetime. Most of our friends are friends for a reason (e.g., work friends that you never see again once you get a new job) or season friends (e.g., college buddies or mom friends who lose touch once that life stage passes). Lifetime friends, the people who really will be with you from cradle to grave, are extremely rare. Most people have only one or two in this last category - if they have any at all. It sounds to me like this person was a "season" friend that you are trying to turn into a lifetime friend. She's just not. Let it go. |
Anonymous
| How to you know she is engaged ? Are you looking at her Facebook page? Honestly, I would let it go because once someone ghosets you like this, they will do it again. |
Anonymous
I’ve gotta agree. She wasn’t a good friend. |
Anonymous
I agree. She was clear why she dumped you. Why invite that back into your life? |