Best friend not acknowledging my birthday

[Anonymous]

So I'm typically of the camp of birthdays are for kids and no one needs to celebrate an adult's birthday, but my birthday is coming up and I want to have a specific spa service that I've been debating about for years. I am in my late thirties. I asked my BFF, who is the person I would prefer to go with, and she said no, that she is booked that weekend and can't do it. No offer to go another time or do something else. I hate to say it but this is really bothering me! I am always there to support her when she asks me to go to events with her and I have taken her out for pregnancies, birthdays, etc. My DH of course says to let it go and not overthink it, but I am wondering if I should doubt the fact that she is one of my closest friends. This is bothering me more than I think it should. What would other people do?

[Anonymous]

OMG OP. Get a life. Other people have bigger things to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for that helpful and insightful response PP.

[Anonymous]

You're rethinking a friendship because your friend already has plans for the weekend? Either there's more to this story or you are a nightmare person.

[Anonymous]

I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and try again. “I’d love to do this spa treatment with you. Is there another date that works?” Maybe she thinks you expect her to treat you and she can’t afford it. Or maybe she’s not into the spa thing. In that case, what about “Let’s go out for drinks/dinner. What night is good for you?” See how she responds. Some people are good at birthdays and some just aren’t.

10:11, not sure what your problem is, but take it down a notch.

[Anonymous]

What the hell kind of spa service is something you think about for years and why would you want to make it a group activity?

I would have neither the time, money nor interest to accompany someone to such an ordeal.

[Anonymous]

You need help.

[Anonymous]

How does she normally celebrate your birthday?

Some people are just not into birthdays. And some people are takers. I am a giver and had to let some of my friends go when I realized how one-sided the relationship was.

[Anonymous]

She probably didnt suggest another date because she figured you were going for YOUR birthday regardless so she didnt want to put off your activity. Thats what I would do. I would never ask my friend to celebrate HER birthday another time because I was busy.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want you as my BFF OP.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she thought you were going on that date regardless of her and she couldn't make that date. Make sure she is actually interested in this spa service and if so, ask her when is convenient for her to go.

Your husband is right; don't overthink it.

[Anonymous]

Also, she may have $ issues OP. Spa is not cheap unless you flat out say you are treating her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably didnt suggest another date because she figured you were going for YOUR birthday regardless so she didnt want to put off your activity. Thats what I would do. I would never ask my friend to celebrate HER birthday another time because I was busy.

This is what I would assume as well. In fact, I've had similar scenarios when I've had to miss things like this (or my friends have) and I'd never ask them to reschedule. My friends or I typically follow up with some variant of "that's too bad, how about drinks on Tuesday instead?" if rescheduling is an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'm typically of the camp of birthdays are for kids and no one needs to celebrate an adult's birthday, but my birthday is coming up and I want to have a specific spa service that I've been debating about for years. I am in my late thirties. I asked my BFF, who is the person I would prefer to go with, and she said no, that she is booked that weekend and can't do it. No offer to go another time or do something else. I hate to say it but this is really bothering me! I am always there to support her when she asks me to go to events with her and I have taken her out for pregnancies, birthdays, etc. My DH of course says to let it go and not overthink it, but I am wondering if I should doubt the fact that she is one of my closest friends. This is bothering me more than I think it should. What would other people do?

She needs to dump you as a friend. You're a friggin nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so is this really your best friend? Is there more to this story? She can't do this one thing with you and you're ready to dump her?! If this were my best friend, I'd be like "Boo you whore! What about next week?" (this is a Mean Girls quote)