Best friend not acknowledging my birthday

[Anonymous]

If you want me to attend something thats multiple hours long on a Saturday or Sunday I truly need like 6-8 weeks in advance notice. I have 2 kids and a husband that works everyother weekend. We have multiple activities on our own right plus all the random birthday parties that fill up the calendar. I am kind of lost that your confused or hurt on why she's busy. Shes busy! We all are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'm typically of the camp of birthdays are for kids and no one needs to celebrate an adult's birthday, but my birthday is coming up and I want to have a specific spa service that I've been debating about for years. I am in my late thirties. I asked my BFF, who is the person I would prefer to go with, and she said no, that she is booked that weekend and can't do it. No offer to go another time or do something else. I hate to say it but this is really bothering me! I am always there to support her when she asks me to go to events with her and I have taken her out for pregnancies, birthdays, etc. My DH of course says to let it go and not overthink it, but I am wondering if I should doubt the fact that she is one of my closest friends. This is bothering me more than I think it should. What would other people do?[/quote]

I would stop and wonder why in my late thirties I'm limited to one person in the whole world to celebrate my birthday with.
Why have I failed to make other friends, why don't I have any significant others or at least steady partners to do something with, why don't I have any close family members to fraternize with...what is going on in my life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'm typically of the camp of birthdays are for kids and no one needs to celebrate an adult's birthday, but my birthday is coming up and I want to have a specific spa service that I've been debating about for years. I am in my late thirties. I asked my BFF, who is the person I would prefer to go with, and she said no, that she is booked that weekend and can't do it. No offer to go another time or do something else. I hate to say it but this is really bothering me! I am always there to support her when she asks me to go to events with her and I have taken her out for pregnancies, birthdays, etc. My DH of course says to let it go and not overthink it, but I am wondering if I should doubt the fact that she is one of my closest friends. This is bothering me more than I think it should. What would other people do?[/quote]

I would stop and wonder why in my late thirties I'm limited to one person in the whole world to celebrate my birthday with.
Why have I failed to make other friends, why don't I have any significant others or at least steady partners to do something with, why don't I have any close family members to fraternize with...what is going on in my life?

I have two other close girlfriends, one cannot afford it and one has no interest in spa stuff. I have a DH of 7 years. I have multiple other friends and couple friends. This is the person I would consider my best friend above everyone else other than my husband.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she doesn't want to spend hundreds of dollars on your birthday. You really need to let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I am a very loyal friend and would (and have!) done many things for my inner circle and will keep many of their very sensitive secrets until my dying day. They can text me in the middle of the night and I would be there to bury the body with them. I would expect the same from my closest 3 girlfriends.

You're very annoying. Clearly all you want to hear is your friend sucks. Couldn't possibly be you.

[Anonymous]

Happy birthday! Turning 10 is a big milestone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She loves spas and I know that money is not an issue. We have been together before and never treat each other. I'm sure that money is not an issue, but instead it is prioritizing time.

Thank you for the insight, PP, about feeling that is was the date that was specific and not offering to treat otherwise.

Thanks to others for pointing out that some people give more and some take more. I am feeling like I do all the giving. Whenever we do something together it is something she wants to do. She is not available when its something I'm planning or initiating.

You need to grow a pair and set boundaries in your life, and not for YOUR sake, but for the friends/relationships you have in your life. You're a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'm typically of the camp of birthdays are for kids and no one needs to celebrate an adult's birthday, but my birthday is coming up and I want to have a specific spa service that I've been debating about for years. I am in my late thirties. I asked my BFF, who is the person I would prefer to go with, and she said no, that she is booked that weekend and can't do it. No offer to go another time or do something else. I hate to say it but this is really bothering me! I am always there to support her when she asks me to go to events with her and I have taken her out for pregnancies, birthdays, etc. My DH of course says to let it go and not overthink it, but I am wondering if I should doubt the fact that she is one of my closest friends. This is bothering me more than I think it should. What would other people do?

YOU offer to reschedule and go from there.

Maybe YOU should pay for the event since YOU have the idea.

YOU are not 12 years old, YOU are in your "late thirties".

[Anonymous]

You should tell her that a trip for two to the spa is your DH's birthday present to you and that you'd love to take her with you if you can find a day that works for you both or if she really doesn't have an interest, then get drinks and dinner on the calendar. Even though you think money may not be an issue, your approach to this is a bit odd. Don't overthink this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should tell her that a trip for two to the spa is your DH's birthday present to you and that you'd love to take her with you if you can find a day that works for you both or if she really doesn't have an interest, then get drinks and dinner on the calendar. Even though you think money may not be an issue, your approach to this is a bit odd. Don't overthink this!

+1

It wasn’t clear from the invitation if you were treating or not. Often when you have a dinner/drinks whatever around someone’s birthday you end up offering to treat when otherwise you might split the cost. I would feel odd going to a spa treatment my friend initiated for her birthday and not either treating or having some alternate gift (like already took her to dinner for her birthday). The second thing is it did sound like this is the plan and you were going regardless, not that you wanted to go with someone and wanted the gift or their time to join you.

Have to agree with other folks that it can be tough to find a block of time free of kids activities on the weekend - and when I do I normally want to rest or do something social that is low cost and within 2 hours like coffee, eat out with friends, or a rare movie.

[Anonymous]

OP, that’s not a friend not acknowledging your birthday. You asked her to join you for a spa service and she said no. I think a lot of people (me included) just that into spa stuff. Why do you need someone to do it with you?

[Anonymous]

I would have also had other plans. I hate spas. Happy 50th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy birthday! Turning 10 is a big milestone.

I almost spit coffee out of my nose. Nicely done.

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is that you are normally the one to give and readjust your life to accommodate friends. They all accept that you will always be that person. They expect to always be on the receiving end of this arrangement and have no interest in taking on the role of giver. I would absolutely rethink this relationship and your overall desire to put others first. If your friend cannot be flexible on your Bday then you are going to have to realize that they just aren’t that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She loves spas and I know that money is not an issue. We have been together before and never treat each other. I'm sure that money is not an issue, but instead it is prioritizing time.

Thank you for the insight, PP, about feeling that is was the date that was specific and not offering to treat otherwise.

Thanks to others for pointing out that some people give more and some take more. I am feeling like I do all the giving. Whenever we do something together it is something she wants to do. She is not available when its something I'm planning or initiating.

rethink this friendship OP. People change.