Would you do IVF for a third child?

[Anonymous]

I feel so selfish writing that question but I don't know why since plenty of people without fertility problems have 3+ kids.

I currently have two kids, one from IVF and one naturally. I have severe DOR. I always wanted three children. I'm not sure if I can stomach/convince my husband to pay out of pocket for IVF (first IVF was covered by insurance). I used to be enthusiastic and open to adoption but even that is very costly and there is less pressure to decide on that now since it's not dependent on my ovaries.

1. Did anyone do IUI for siblings (after doing IVF for first) since it's cheaper and technically "less is on the line" emotionally? Were you successful?
2. Did anyone do IVF (not just FET) for a 2nd or 3rd child?

If I was trying for a first child and reading this I would be extremely annoyed, so I apologize in advance if this seems like a stupid or insensitive problem to ask about.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Have you set a cost maximum if it doesn't work? Will you regret it if you don't try? You can't go back.

I was not in your shoes. I had one child natural, one child IVF, one child FET (frozen from the previous IVF cycle) and I'm now pregnant with another ( also FET frozen from that previous IVF). So I only had to go through the egg retrieval once. And that helps with cost. But it's still very emotional doing FETs. It is still a big decision and commitment. I miscarried one and one embryo didn't stick. I too struggled with "is it ridiculous to go for another baby since it's such a big deal and expensive?" And then I thought well if I didn't have fertility problems then I would have had 4 kids. That is what I wanted. And fortunately we had enough money to cover it. I'd happily make trade offs of IVF vs nice vacations etc... There are probably many things in your life that suck up a lot of money that you could change and reprioritize and it wouldn't make that much of a difference on your life.

you can't feel guilty about having a third child by IVF if that is what you want and you can afford it. Just like someone shouldn't feel guilty if they have 3 kids naturally. You can't compare. It is nice of you to be sensitive to people with infertility issues. I feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

this topic pops up on occasion - i know there was a woman here recently who did IVF for the third.

personally i didn't want to do ivf for #3 but that is because IVF didn't work for #2 (she was conceived through IUI). i concluded that that procedure, for whatever reason, doesn't work for me/it would take too many attempts for it to work. i was also out of insurance coverage for ivfs. i've always had excellent FSH but my AMH was low and i was a poor responder.

i did several out of pocket IUIs for #3 and eventually got pregnant naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Have you set a cost maximum if it doesn't work? Will you regret it if you don't try? You can't go back.

I was not in your shoes. I had one child natural, one child IVF, one child FET (frozen from the previous IVF cycle) and I'm now pregnant with another ( also FET frozen from that previous IVF). So I only had to go through the egg retrieval once. And that helps with cost. But it's still very emotional doing FETs. It is still a big decision and commitment. I miscarried one and one embryo didn't stick. I too struggled with "is it ridiculous to go for another baby since it's such a big deal and expensive?" And then I thought well if I didn't have fertility problems then I would have had 4 kids. That is what I wanted. And fortunately we had enough money to cover it. I'd happily make trade offs of IVF vs nice vacations etc... There are probably many things in your life that suck up a lot of money that you could change and reprioritize and it wouldn't make that much of a difference on your life.

you can't feel guilty about having a third child by IVF if that is what you want and you can afford it. Just like someone shouldn't feel guilty if they have 3 kids naturally. You can't compare. It is nice of you to be sensitive to people with infertility issues. I feel the same way.

Thanks so much for this response. I'm 34. Have not set a cost maximum since my husband doesn't want to talk about it quite yet (our other two kids are still quite young... ) I will definitely regret it if we don't try. May I ask how many frozen you had in total?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this topic pops up on occasion - i know there was a woman here recently who did IVF for the third.

personally i didn't want to do ivf for #3 but that is because IVF didn't work for #2 (she was conceived through IUI). i concluded that that procedure, for whatever reason, doesn't work for me/it would take too many attempts for it to work. i was also out of insurance coverage for ivfs. i've always had excellent FSH but my AMH was low and i was a poor responder.

i did several out of pocket IUIs for #3 and eventually got pregnant naturally.

thanks... are IUIs as taxing physically or emotionally as IVF? IVF has better success but the cost also is way higher so it feels like so much more is at stake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this topic pops up on occasion - i know there was a woman here recently who did IVF for the third.

personally i didn't want to do ivf for #3 but that is because IVF didn't work for #2 (she was conceived through IUI). i concluded that that procedure, for whatever reason, doesn't work for me/it would take too many attempts for it to work. i was also out of insurance coverage for ivfs. i've always had excellent FSH but my AMH was low and i was a poor responder.

i did several out of pocket IUIs for #3 and eventually got pregnant naturally.

thanks... are IUIs as taxing physically or emotionally as IVF? IVF has better success but the cost also is way higher so it feels like so much more is at stake

my first IUI was almost as big in my head as my first IVF... i remember it so well and it felt like a major intervention. however, i did so many (over the span of 6-7 years) that after 4 or 5 it really became a non-issue. in fact, it took pressure off my sex life and we could still have sex for fun while knowing that we have not missed the cycle etc - i found it easier when these two things were entirely separate. we just got into that routine, you know, as a couple, like we would have those monthly appointments and not expect too much of them. the cost was non-trivial overall but each cycle was manageable and you could skip it if you didn't feel doing it that month.

however, again - i was a poor responder and this made sense for me. i was never going to get 10 embryos, freeze stuff for later etc. i had like 2-4 eggs during my IVFs and i would get 2 "nice-looking" follicles on my IUI. so not that much worse, and i had no issues with sperm, tubes, scarring, endo, i ovulated very regularly etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this topic pops up on occasion - i know there was a woman here recently who did IVF for the third.

personally i didn't want to do ivf for #3 but that is because IVF didn't work for #2 (she was conceived through IUI). i concluded that that procedure, for whatever reason, doesn't work for me/it would take too many attempts for it to work. i was also out of insurance coverage for ivfs. i've always had excellent FSH but my AMH was low and i was a poor responder.

i did several out of pocket IUIs for #3 and eventually got pregnant naturally.

thanks... are IUIs as taxing physically or emotionally as IVF? IVF has better success but the cost also is way higher so it feels like so much more is at stake

my first IUI was almost as big in my head as my first IVF... i remember it so well and it felt like a major intervention. however, i did so many (over the span of 6-7 years) that after 4 or 5 it really became a non-issue. in fact, it took pressure off my sex life and we could still have sex for fun while knowing that we have not missed the cycle etc - i found it easier when these two things were entirely separate. we just got into that routine, you know, as a couple, like we would have those monthly appointments and not expect too much of them. the cost was non-trivial overall but each cycle was manageable and you could skip it if you didn't feel doing it that month.

however, again - i was a poor responder and this made sense for me. i was never going to get 10 embryos, freeze stuff for later etc. i had like 2-4 eggs during my IVFs and i would get 2 "nice-looking" follicles on my IUI. so not that much worse, and i had no issues with sperm, tubes, scarring, endo, i ovulated very regularly etc etc.

you sound just like me. my FSH is fine but my AMH is pretty abysmal for my age (like sub .3) and my IVF only got 3 mature eggs (thankfully one of them was my daughter).... wait, so did you get your 3rd child via IUI?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this topic pops up on occasion - i know there was a woman here recently who did IVF for the third.

personally i didn't want to do ivf for #3 but that is because IVF didn't work for #2 (she was conceived through IUI). i concluded that that procedure, for whatever reason, doesn't work for me/it would take too many attempts for it to work. i was also out of insurance coverage for ivfs. i've always had excellent FSH but my AMH was low and i was a poor responder.

i did several out of pocket IUIs for #3 and eventually got pregnant naturally.

thanks... are IUIs as taxing physically or emotionally as IVF? IVF has better success but the cost also is way higher so it feels like so much more is at stake

my first IUI was almost as big in my head as my first IVF... i remember it so well and it felt like a major intervention. however, i did so many (over the span of 6-7 years) that after 4 or 5 it really became a non-issue. in fact, it took pressure off my sex life and we could still have sex for fun while knowing that we have not missed the cycle etc - i found it easier when these two things were entirely separate. we just got into that routine, you know, as a couple, like we would have those monthly appointments and not expect too much of them. the cost was non-trivial overall but each cycle was manageable and you could skip it if you didn't feel doing it that month.

however, again - i was a poor responder and this made sense for me. i was never going to get 10 embryos, freeze stuff for later etc. i had like 2-4 eggs during my IVFs and i would get 2 "nice-looking" follicles on my IUI. so not that much worse, and i had no issues with sperm, tubes, scarring, endo, i ovulated very regularly etc etc.

you sound just like me. my FSH is fine but my AMH is pretty abysmal for my age (like sub .3) and my IVF only got 3 mature eggs (thankfully one of them was my daughter).... wait, so did you get your 3rd child via IUI?!

i don't know!! we did IUI that cycle but also had sex twice in that window after the IUI. it was an unmedicated cycle and i scheduled IUI too early (i thought!) - so IUI was like on wednesday and then the ovulation predictor said i was going to ovulate on saturday. they say that washed sperm can't live more than like a day so i think it was probably the sex on friday that did it. but i am not actually sure. and i am not sure they know how long washed sperm lives. a few months before that i got a chemical through IUI.

[Anonymous]

I would not (it would be OOP), but I know people who did and it was the right choice for them.

Conceived DC1 naturally after infertility-related surgery.

Tried naturally for 18 months for DC2 and would have done (and paid for) IVF for a second. That was the plan - just did one IUI because we were too late to start IVF that cycle. It worked.

I want a third, but I can’t go through that again. We’ll try naturally for a set amount of time and openly accept the results either way.

[Anonymous]

funny thing is if IVF was covered by insurance I'd do it in a heartbeat. I found the process pretty easy overall and no side effects.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would do it. If you want a child, it doesn't seem to matter what you have to go through to get it. At least that was my experience.

[Anonymous]

I have DOR, too, though did not become aware of it until TTC#2. In a cruel twist, I never decided I wanted 3 kids until I had my first. Then I loved being a parent so much, that it clicked and I knew for sure I wanted 3. Well, now I am in the midst of my first IVF cycle (3 failed IUIs). I don't even know if I'll get a 2nd out of the process (I am responding poorly so far) but if I do, I do expect I will at least attempt a 3rd with IVF. Unless my numbers really bottom out by then (totally possible) and there's no chance of success. BUT, that said, I have partial insurance coverage. If I did not, I'm not sure we could afford or justify IVF for a 3rd. I totally get it though. I'd probably go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this topic pops up on occasion - i know there was a woman here recently who did IVF for the third.

personally i didn't want to do ivf for #3 but that is because IVF didn't work for #2 (she was conceived through IUI). i concluded that that procedure, for whatever reason, doesn't work for me/it would take too many attempts for it to work. i was also out of insurance coverage for ivfs. i've always had excellent FSH but my AMH was low and i was a poor responder.

i did several out of pocket IUIs for #3 and eventually got pregnant naturally.

thanks... are IUIs as taxing physically or emotionally as IVF? IVF has better success but the cost also is way higher so it feels like so much more is at stake

my first IUI was almost as big in my head as my first IVF... i remember it so well and it felt like a major intervention. however, i did so many (over the span of 6-7 years) that after 4 or 5 it really became a non-issue. in fact, it took pressure off my sex life and we could still have sex for fun while knowing that we have not missed the cycle etc - i found it easier when these two things were entirely separate. we just got into that routine, you know, as a couple, like we would have those monthly appointments and not expect too much of them. the cost was non-trivial overall but each cycle was manageable and you could skip it if you didn't feel doing it that month.

however, again - i was a poor responder and this made sense for me. i was never going to get 10 embryos, freeze stuff for later etc. i had like 2-4 eggs during my IVFs and i would get 2 "nice-looking" follicles on my IUI. so not that much worse, and i had no issues with sperm, tubes, scarring, endo, i ovulated very regularly etc etc.

you sound just like me. my FSH is fine but my AMH is pretty abysmal for my age (like sub .3) and my IVF only got 3 mature eggs (thankfully one of them was my daughter).... wait, so did you get your 3rd child via IUI?!

Thank you for sharing this. I needed it today. I am about to trigger for a retrieval with only 2 mature follicles, so I need a little hope (however far-fetched).

[Anonymous]

I didn't.
I really wanted another baby but couldn't justify paying the money (with no way of knowing if it would work) while I had living children who would benefit from the college savings, etc. Plus I kept waiting to pregnant naturally because you hear of so many women who get pregnant naturally after IVF. After 5 years (at age 43) and no natural pregnancy I stopped trying and actually had a hysterectomy. I had been having heavy cycles and the emotional toll of always trying to get pregnant (or wondering if I had a chance any month we didn't use contraception) was making me crazy. I needed to move on and 100% just enjoy the kids I had. Now its a year later and I've moved on and feel great about the decision.

[Anonymous]

Not exactly your situation: i did IVF for #2, and FETs for 3 and 4.

we had to do a bunch of FETs for 3 and 4, and it was very emotionally and physically taxing. IVF is even harder, but if you really want the kid, you might regret not trying.