Men, women and chores

[Anonymous]

DH and I had an interesting conversation last night about a self help book I was reading. He stated that women care more about the house and chores more than men, so that's why they tend to do all the chores. I stated that men think women are going to do the chores, therefore all men need to do is wait around until women do them. They will never get bad enough to fall to most men's very low threshold where he would do it himself. To prove my point he actually thought bed sheets should be done quarterly and stated that a toilet could be cleaned monthly (DH isn't messy, so him saying this surprised me). He thought that we should just do more cleaning before we have guests, whereas I keep the house no more than 30 min from guest ready at all times because I find that easier to maintain.

To be fair, my DH does at least 50% of the household duties and works much harder at home than I do (he's finishing our basement, laying floors, and he cooks nightly), but he has never once in 12 years done any cleaning or laundry. I actually love our division of chores and we both think the other works harder than we do, which is key in my opinion, so this is about relationships in general, not mine specifically.

So maybe men's standards are too low and women's too high? Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I had an interesting conversation last night about a self help book I was reading. He stated that women care more about the house and chores more than men, so that's why they tend to do all the chores. I stated that men think women are going to do the chores, therefore all men need to do is wait around until women do them. They will never get bad enough to fall to most men's very low threshold where he would do it himself. To prove my point he actually thought bed sheets should be done quarterly and stated that a toilet could be cleaned monthly (DH isn't messy, so him saying this surprised me). He thought that we should just do more cleaning before we have guests, whereas I keep the house no more than 30 min from guest ready at all times because I find that easier to maintain.

To be fair, my DH does at least 50% of the household duties and works much harder at home than I do (he's finishing our basement, laying floors, and he cooks nightly), but he has never once in 12 years done any cleaning or laundry. I actually love our division of chores and we both think the other works harder than we do, which is key in my opinion, so this is about relationships in general, not mine specifically.

So maybe men's standards are too low and women's too high? Anyone else?

He doesn't know how often things need to be cleaned because he doesn't clean them. That's not a different standard, it's just basic ignorance. He hasn't slept in bed linens that haven't been washed in 2 1/2 months because you wash them more often. He's just blindly guessing that it would be fine and not disgusting. That would be like me saying "you only need a 2x4 to support a roof, anything more than that is just way too high of standards." Me not knowing how to build a house doesn't make architects fussy, it makes me ignorant on the topic.

[Anonymous]

Best essay ever written on the topic, complete with come-backs: http://www.feministezine.com/feminist/modern/The-Politics-of-Housework.html

Unfortunately, it's still under copyright, and it's hard to find a well-formatted version. The text is all here, though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I had an interesting conversation last night about a self help book I was reading. He stated that women care more about the house and chores more than men, so that's why they tend to do all the chores. I stated that men think women are going to do the chores, therefore all men need to do is wait around until women do them. They will never get bad enough to fall to most men's very low threshold where he would do it himself. To prove my point he actually thought bed sheets should be done quarterly and stated that a toilet could be cleaned monthly (DH isn't messy, so him saying this surprised me). He thought that we should just do more cleaning before we have guests, whereas I keep the house no more than 30 min from guest ready at all times because I find that easier to maintain.

To be fair, my DH does at least 50% of the household duties and works much harder at home than I do (he's finishing our basement, laying floors, and he cooks nightly), but he has never once in 12 years done any cleaning or laundry. I actually love our division of chores and we both think the other works harder than we do, which is key in my opinion, so this is about relationships in general, not mine specifically.

So maybe men's standards are too low and women's too high? Anyone else?

He doesn't know how often things need to be cleaned because he doesn't clean them. That's not a different standard, it's just basic ignorance. He hasn't slept in bed linens that haven't been washed in 2 1/2 months because you wash them more often. He's just blindly guessing that it would be fine and not disgusting. That would be like me saying "you only need a 2x4 to support a roof, anything more than that is just way too high of standards." Me not knowing how to build a house doesn't make architects fussy, it makes me ignorant on the topic.

Agree with this. A person that never does a task and hasn't actually experienced that task not being done doesn't have any clue how often that task should be done.

[Anonymous]

No. Some men are just lazy gross sh*tbirds and dummy wives enable them. If you’re tired of doing your husbands laundry and you’re both working outside the home, stop doing it. This isn’t rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I had an interesting conversation last night about a self help book I was reading. He stated that women care more about the house and chores more than men, so that's why they tend to do all the chores. I stated that men think women are going to do the chores, therefore all men need to do is wait around until women do them. They will never get bad enough to fall to most men's very low threshold where he would do it himself. To prove my point he actually thought bed sheets should be done quarterly and stated that a toilet could be cleaned monthly (DH isn't messy, so him saying this surprised me). He thought that we should just do more cleaning before we have guests, whereas I keep the house no more than 30 min from guest ready at all times because I find that easier to maintain.

To be fair, my DH does at least 50% of the household duties and works much harder at home than I do (he's finishing our basement, laying floors, and he cooks nightly), but he has never once in 12 years done any cleaning or laundry. I actually love our division of chores and we both think the other works harder than we do, which is key in my opinion, so this is about relationships in general, not mine specifically.

So maybe men's standards are too low and women's too high? Anyone else?

Why do women always complain about everything? Why don't you finish your basement, lay floors, and cook and make him do cleaning and laundry? Would that make you happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I had an interesting conversation last night about a self help book I was reading. He stated that women care more about the house and chores more than men, so that's why they tend to do all the chores. I stated that men think women are going to do the chores, therefore all men need to do is wait around until women do them. They will never get bad enough to fall to most men's very low threshold where he would do it himself. To prove my point he actually thought bed sheets should be done quarterly and stated that a toilet could be cleaned monthly (DH isn't messy, so him saying this surprised me). He thought that we should just do more cleaning before we have guests, whereas I keep the house no more than 30 min from guest ready at all times because I find that easier to maintain.

To be fair, my DH does at least 50% of the household duties and works much harder at home than I do (he's finishing our basement, laying floors, and he cooks nightly), but he has never once in 12 years done any cleaning or laundry. I actually love our division of chores and we both think the other works harder than we do, which is key in my opinion, so this is about relationships in general, not mine specifically.

So maybe men's standards are too low and women's too high? Anyone else?

Why do women always complain about everything? Why don't you finish your basement, lay floors, and cook and make him do cleaning and laundry? Would that make you happy?

OP here. I'm not complaining AT ALL. Like I said, I love our division. I actually like laundry and cleaning. And I am laying those floors too actually.

[Anonymous]

Don't make it a man vs woman thing. Whatever works for you and your spouse, go with it.

[Anonymous]

Women care about lots of things, self-appointed todo list entries. Women in the past have written on this site about not having time for husbands because being too busy buying stamps or baking cupcakes for a classroom birthday party. One woman wrote to prisoners for her church, one thinks another man would want to marry her for her thank you note writing skills.

My own wife made a specific point of announcing "I don't wash windows." Uh, ok, I never thought about that. She did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't make it a man vs woman thing. Whatever works for you and your spouse, go with it.

I agree with this. Yes, most of my female friends are the ones who care more what the house looks like and how things are put away. However, I have some female friends who have husbands who care more, therefore those husbands tend to do more of the housework. I think it's good when whoever cares more is the one who does it. My husband and I also think the other does more than 50%, so it works well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I had an interesting conversation last night about a self help book I was reading. He stated that women care more about the house and chores more than men, so that's why they tend to do all the chores. I stated that men think women are going to do the chores, therefore all men need to do is wait around until women do them. They will never get bad enough to fall to most men's very low threshold where he would do it himself. To prove my point he actually thought bed sheets should be done quarterly and stated that a toilet could be cleaned monthly (DH isn't messy, so him saying this surprised me). He thought that we should just do more cleaning before we have guests, whereas I keep the house no more than 30 min from guest ready at all times because I find that easier to maintain.

To be fair, my DH does at least 50% of the household duties and works much harder at home than I do (he's finishing our basement, laying floors, and he cooks nightly), but he has never once in 12 years done any cleaning or laundry. I actually love our division of chores and we both think the other works harder than we do, which is key in my opinion, so this is about relationships in general, not mine specifically.

So maybe men's standards are too low and women's too high? Anyone else?

Your standards are really high. You must be cleaning up any areas downstairs where the kids play all the time.

[Anonymous]

Kind of an aside, but my wife is way more likely to clean the house before guests come for a party. I'm way more likely to clean it after they leave. She wants it to look good while they're here. I want the house to be usable after they've messed it up.

I figure my way is better because her cleaning only lasts a few hours. Mine lasts days or weeks! But, she's correct that guests will judge the woman more harshly than the man for a house they find insufficiently clean. Even so, I don't really care what they think.

[Anonymous]

In college, I only washed my sheets once a semester. I'm a little cleaner now, but don't kid yourself that men would clean that much more often if only their wives stopped doing it for them.

Don't judge me for my lifestyle choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Some men are just lazy gross sh*tbirds and dummy wives enable them. If you’re tired of doing your husbands laundry and you’re both working outside the home, stop doing it. This isn’t rocket science.

Holy smokes, you pitiful and extremely bitter. Seek help ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Men who do housework and child care are described as wimps or bitches by other men. They see it as emasculating. Hire someone or stay home and recognize that this is REAL work with real value. Stop putting down women who do.