Is it ever possible to just start over a marriage?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
If you've had some rough patches, it is ever possible to go back to the way things used to be? Or are things just doomed going forward?
I'm not talking cheating, but lots of fighting, angry words, possible separation, etc. |
Anonymous
| In my experience as someone who's been through really rough patches, we didn't go back to the way things used to be. And it's not necessarily better than before, but I'm much clearer about what I want from my marriage and my needs are being met. I think this is also true for my DH. We were forced to talk about really difficult issues & for us to choose to be together and to try hard to be good partners is significant. My DH and I are close but things won't be the same as before. I actually feel like we have a new relationship, a new marriage, one which I don't take for granted -- which may, actually, be for the best. |
Anonymous
|
It is possible, but you both have to come out of it with new commitments to openness and honesty. If any aspect of communication (verbal, nonverbal or physical-i.e. sex) is compromised in the future then it won’t work. It will be harder to maintain trust going forward.
We rebooted our relationship after almost divorcing and I was happy as a lark, but DW started withholding info, keeping secrets and not participating physically within our marriage (seeks it elsewhere) and it has quickly fallen apart again. I would still honor our vows and try yet again (I still love her like crazy) if she realized her mistakes and sought help but I don’t see that happening outside of a miracle. I gather that OP cheated, thinking the grass was greener? That’s how it reads. |
Anonymous
No, just a lot of communication failures and loss of connection between the two of us. I'm crazy about my DH and want like hell for things to work, despite me being unhappy in our marriage, and with him, unfortunately. When things are good, they're very good. When they're bad, it's a nightmare and it's hard to reestablish connections between us. |
Anonymous
| I think we did what you're talking about. I almost feel like I'm on my second marriage just with the same person. We had to totally hit bottom though, and then both completely commit to building the marriage we wanted and completely let go and forgive each other for the past. |
Anonymous
|
Well, we didn't go back to how things were, but we had a big Come to Jesus talk and agreed that we would do things that made us uncomfortable for the betterment of our relationship.
We were both not raising issues that bothered us, and one of us was being passive-aggressive. It took us over half a year to get better but it's SO much better now. |
Anonymous
| We have been trying this and just can't seem to figure out how. We just discussed one of the issues last night, which is our sex life. DH says that I don't do things that indicate she is interested - one example he gave was I will go into the bathroom to change my clothes, like I am hiding, and he interprets that as I'm not interested. I basically say that our marital issues have made me so insecure in his feelings for me, I'm scared of rejection at this point. DH says that he doesn't feel that emotional connection all the time because of the lack of physical connection, so how can make me feel secure? We have tried to "force" the situation - on this and other issues - and it usually ends badly. I just can't figure out how to get off this hamster wheel with this issue, and some others we face. |
Anonymous
| My view is you can never go back. Too much water under the bridge. But you can keep moving to a better, different place. Either on your own or with help of counseling. |
Anonymous
| Yes I am not proud to admit it but for various reasons at times I have played mind games on my DH that drive him absolutely nuts for me again. After a while of enjoying his adoration again I start to feel better and put behind the past. |
Anonymous
| You can't go backward, only forward. You can, however, get to a new and better place if both parties are willing to work on it. You can find something deeper and more profound than you ever thought possible if you try hard enough. I'm a firm believer in this (unless there is physical cheating, then I'm gone without looking back, but that's just me). |
Anonymous
Well, I wasn't expecting that kind of response, but do tell. . . |
Anonymous
Yes, please go on |
Anonymous
In essence just make him “wonder”. It’s underhanded and fake and probably immature but effective. Don’t overdo it, but there’s a time and a place. |
Anonymous
But wonder about what? |
Anonymous
Geez are you dense? Wonder why you are looking so hot and what the f*ck you’re up to or COULD be up to. Head to the “my husband keeps getting hotter” thread for a clue. |