All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?

[Anonymous]

I have three nieces and nephews that I love dearly, but I moved away from them about a decade ago, when they were still young.

They are now all teenagers and all three identify as 'gender non-conforming' and if I didn't know that they still use the pronouns that conform to their birth-gender, I would assume they were transgender (to give you an idea of how they dress, style their hair, etc).

How common is this for it to occur among all three children in one family? Other members of our family think that their parents (very liberal and pro LGBT) must be pushing or at least heavily encouraging this behavior for all of their children to identify this way in their teen years.

I don't really have anyone else to ask and was just wondering if this could, in fact, occur randomly or if it is likely something encouraged at home.

[Anonymous]

Best thing you can do is get to know your nieces and nephews and be there for them. If they’re being coerced, maybe they’ll open up. Either way, you’ll get a better understanding for who they are and why they’ve chosen to be that way.

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty obvious the parents are encouraging this nonconforming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty obvious the parents are encouraging this nonconforming.

It could also be a function of their peer group. I would only hope that they are exploring this in non-permanent ways, like hair and clothing choices rather than hormones and/or surgery.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by non gender conforming? Like they don't dress in stereotypically feminine or masculine ways? For example, the boys wear make up and the girls don't? In that case, it's great that the parents let them express themselves in their appearance without shaming them for being unconventional.

Or all three are transgender and want to transition to the opposite sex? That's statistically unlikely.

[Anonymous]

My niece has 2 kids both of whom seem to be some combination of gender nonconforming/lesbian/bi. I don’t know if it’s nature or nurture.

[Anonymous]

It's a combination of this being a bit of a fad right now, along with parents overindulging their children, in general.

Kids are rewarded for being "different" now. In the past kids were punished for being different. In my opinion, one is as bad as the other. Ideally, kids should neither be punished nor rewarded for being different. Be yourself, but don't impose on others and expect everyone to accommodate you.

[Anonymous]

As long as there is no surgery, it's FINE.

You might think they're crazy, that they've given in to fads, that they're too subservient to the current trends, etc.
I would completely agree with you.

But don't say a word. Teens experiment, and this is the fashionable experiment on right now. Parents clearly want to be their kids' friends.

So, shrug and say "eh". Don't worry. In 20 years, they will all be married to the opposite sex and have bio kids.

[Anonymous]

If they are in the 12 - 16 age group, I would wait it out. Gender and sexual orientation experimentation usually end by late teens and change very little after age 21.

[Anonymous]

Not a trans issue but my DW is Gay and so is her sister. They have somewhat conservative old school parents. So it can happen that siblings have the same sexual orientation.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh I do not think it's crazy at all.

They are "gender non-conforming." That is not transgender. YOU would assume they were transgender, but THEY choose to dress in a way that does not conform to gender stereotypes. That has to do with history and society and philosophy...

I was a Women's and Gender Studies major at an Ivy and there were several professors who were "gender non-conforming." Some of them even wanted to be called "they" instead of "she" or "he," which I personally find ridiculous, but if these kids are still using he/she pronouns, they are really not that out there in the scheme of things.

This is a political statement, not a trans issue.

[Anonymous]

A friend has 2 daughters, one is female-to-male trans and the other is lesbian. Their father is an uninvolved type (divorced from my friend).

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to add from a random google search:

Tell Me More About Being Gender Non-Conforming:
Gender non-conforming refers to people who do not adhere to society's rules about dress and activities for people that are based on their biological sex and gender assignment.
A gender non-conforming person may choose to present as neither clearly male, nor clearly female, but rather as a gender-free individual.

I, personally, am a 35 year old woman who conforms to all gender stereotypes: long blonde hair, I wear makeup, I'm quite feminine. But I certainly appreciate that there are gender non-conforming people in the world to remind others that having a vagina does not mean I must wear makeup, and having a penis does not mean I can't. Those are just societal rules we can choose to conform to, or not.

[Anonymous]

Did no one here go through a non conformist phase?

[Anonymous]

Just because something is statistically unlikely does not mean that it does not occur.

OP has given absolutely no reason to suspect that the parents have a hand in this. Many of the judgemental replies towards the parents show how ignorant and prejudiced the pps are.

It is probably just a conincidence that these three landed in this family.

I would imagine it would take a really ridiculous/impossible amount of brainwashing and effort to get not one but three children to decide to go to such great lengths to make life difficult for themselves.