Sometimes I Hate Being Married

[Anonymous]

I've been married for 3 years to an overall great guy. But to be really honest; I kind of hate being married a lot of the time. I was single for awhile and really loved having my own space and time to do things. And I am an introvert, and often really just want to be left alone to eat, workout and relax.

I'm not doing a great job of communicating to my husband that I really need my alone time. I think he feels very hurt that I don't always want to be around him and chatting. Sometimes I just want to be left alone.

What are some tips for how to best communicate that I need downtime?

[Anonymous]

Just say it. How long did you date before getting married? I’m surprised that he wouldn’t know you’re introverted.

Is he clingy? Another option is to encourage him to get his own hobbies and activities and friends so that he should not always looking to you for entertainment, etc.

My spouse and I both have introverted tendencies so we do our own things in separate parts of the house when we need alone time.

[Anonymous]

We dated for 2 years before getting engaged, and we lived together for about 6 of those months.

I think part of the problem is that we moved into a house but not everything is set up so we very much feel like we're on top of each other.

He does have some hobbies but since it's been cold out he's less inclined to do them. Maybe things will get better in the spring.

[Anonymous]

Just sometimes? You're good.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people crave alone time. I certainly do. But overall Prefer to be with my spouse than not.

Do you want kids? Think hard--the demands on your time, space, attention and body are quite overwhelming when they are young.

[Anonymous]

I’m like this OP but my DH knew this and respected my me time. Now I have a 4 and 1 year old. This is tough. There is no down time. I am utterly exhausted and touched out. I love my kids so much but hardly have anything left for DH at the end of the day. Hoping it gets better as kids get older.

[Anonymous]

Didn't your dh figure this (introvert, everyone needs space, etc) while you were dating? It's part of your personality so wouldn't they be a noticeable trait?

Try "honey, I'm going to sit in the den and veg out quietly. I'm feeling a bit exhausted from work, hanging out with Jim and Laura last night, and that long conversation we had about your boss this morning.
You know how I am.
I'll be feeling myself again in a bit, just need some space, you know? Oh, let's go cook that chicken pot pie for dinner tonight".

[Anonymous]

Work on getting your house in order so you have more space to do your own thing!

[Anonymous]

Does he belong to a gym? That's usually my alone time when dh is working out (then I tell him to stop by the grocery store to pick up X and Y on his way home) to (literally) buy myself more alone time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We dated for 2 years before getting engaged, and we lived together for about 6 of those months.

I think part of the problem is that we moved into a house but not everything is set up so we very much feel like we're on top of each other.

He does have some hobbies but since it's been cold out he's less inclined to do them. Maybe things will get better in the spring.

You need to tell him how you feel -- though please don't say "sometimes I hate being married." Like some PPs above, I kind of wondered how he could not know this about you before you got married, but now you're married, so communicate like spouses ought to, and tell him kindly how you feel.

It's cold and it sounds like his hobbies are outdoor-related - right? So talk to him. Tell him, hey, I feel like we're on top of each other here -- and you know I like some down time.

Then don't just talk, act. Make it a project for the two of you to blitz the setup of your stuff and get the house in order. Make it fun, put on music you both like, end with a nice meal out when certain tasks are accomplished, etc. Talk to him about each of you having more space. If the house has room, can there be a place that's yours and a place that's his?

[Anonymous]

Give him a bj and then tell him to go away for a few hours. He won't mind.

[Anonymous]

So you basically duped your husband. Does he know you hate being married to him "most of the time"? You should divorce him and go be a lonely hag. You don't deserve this good man!

[Anonymous]

When I need my alone time, I turn on some heavy metal and go for a nice drive. It's therapy. My husband totally understands my need to recharge.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t have kids, I would not. Then you will really hate it. There is no alone time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have kids, I would not. Then you will really hate it. There is no alone time.

This. I would get frustrated at the lack of alone time. But then I had a kid, amd as another pp said, I am touched out.