Plea for help

[Anonymous]

I'm 31 he's 46. We have a young baby together and we live together, renting a place. I'm a breadwinner ( I make most of the money) His financial situation got really bad, to the point that he's telling me he's broke as a joke. His been telling me that for the past 6 months at least. We agreed to pay bills together, he skipped 2 months, and every month I have to ask him every day about the money he's responsible for. He barely ever buys groceries, almost never buys diapers.
I tried to talk and offered help finding a stable job. He refused. He said I have to have some faith in him, that his situation is going to get better. I've heard that story for at least 6 months. It's not better. He didn't buy me a Christmas present, which is whatever. He didn't buy a baby first Christmas present. I made him go to the store and get him a teddy bear. He bought the cheapest one.
I'm getting very frustrated with the lack of sleep and having to work long hours. He spends lots of time at home, browsing utube videos. He does dishes, laundry and takes out the trash. That's awesome, but not enough to keep me happy.
I easily get irritated with him, I nitpick on him. He gets really mad at me. Today he was shouting at me so hard, the baby got scared of him. He is a very strong man, often times easily angered at minor things. To be honest, I'm so confused. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to keep on waiting till he starts making money and help me support our household. Or should I just end it right now before it got out of hand. He's not attracted to me anymore, we never get physical from his initiative.
He doesn't help much with the baby, I have to repeatedly ask him for help.
Despite of all, he always finds money to buy beer, hang out with friends, and keep up with his hobby- fixing a car his been fixing for the past 8 years.
I'm really looking lost at this point. Feeling nauseous as I'm writing this.

[Anonymous]

Cut him loose before your child has conscious memories of the dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Why would you ever date, move in with, or have a baby with someone like this? Sorry, that’s all I’ve got. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, but I think he's just taking advantage of you.

[Anonymous]

Who's watching the baby during the day? If it's him you just need to chalk this up to him being a SAHD. No sympathy here.

[Anonymous]

Who cares for your baby all day?

[Anonymous]

I'm really sorry, but I think you feel nauseous because you know what you have to do. See an attorney privately. Start to collect all financial documents, bills, etc. Set up a separate account and credit cards for yourself if you don't already have them. Don't direct deposit your paycheck i to a joint account. Who is caring for the baby while you work? Set up daycare. More options for daycare open at 18 months. Insist that the baby be in daycare, because it is educational even though the real reason is that you need a reliable caretaker.

It's sad to confront the collapse of the marriage. It takes courage. But, being a single mom to one child isn't as hard as being a mom to a toddler and an adult child.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry, but I think you know the right answer in your heart.

Your partner doesn't show any signs that he's going to change. Your fears about his anger and physical size are warning signs.

Please get out before things get worse.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My mom watches him during the day. He barely helps. I'm not comfortable leaving a kid with him for more than an hour, plus baby is not attached to him.
He seemed like a good guy while we lived separately, he was very supportive of everything I was doing. Now all I here is that "I'm crazy, I'm talking trash, I'm having attitude problem, I need to chill" in response to my comments to turn off the lights bc of high electric bills, me getting mad when he's using my car and getting tickets I don't know about until they double and show up in the mail, me getting upset when I find Viagra pills in his bag, and he tells me they are for me.

[Anonymous]

There is literally not one flattering thing about him in your description. He just seems completely useless and has an attitude to go with it.

[Anonymous]

He has viagra pills, but not having sex with you. The baby is with your Mom all day and he’s unemployed. Oh honey, he’s sleeping around. Don’t bother asking him about it. He’ll just lie. If you need proof, come home around noon unexpectedly one day.

And he calls you names...he’s emotionally abusive and using you for your money.

You know what you have to do. He won’t change. This is your life for the next 50 years unless you leave him.

[Anonymous]

This cannot be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This cannot be real.

Or OP is the stupidest woman on the planet. WTH?!?

[Anonymous]

He's 15 yrs older and broke? Girl run.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t understand what incentive you have to stay in this current situation.

Seems like a nobrainer to me, end the relationship, move out of the rental, put him on child support (I understand that he’s not making any money, but when you stop subsidizing his lifestyle he will have to get a job to support himself and it will be helpful for you to have already established a precedent.