Naive SIL - Say Something?
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Anonymous
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I have a friendly relationship with my brother's wife, but we are not friends. I'm not close to my brother, either, for a few reasons, mainly our age difference. We're a no-drama, stay out of each other's business kind of family. However, we do see each other frequently. My relationship with SIL and Bro would probably be nonexistent were it not for their children and my parents. I'm giving this background to provide context for whether I should say something about SIL getting sucked into a scam.
SIL is extremely naive and believes everything that's said to her if it's something she wants to hear. If a sleazy guy at a bar tells her she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, she believes it. If a friend tells her she looks 10 years younger than her age, she believes it. She has no concept of manipulation and flattery. I've heard her tell these stories and I've witnessed it myself. One time, she told a story at the dinner table about a teenage cashier giving her a free drink because he had a crush on her. She's 40. My mom, thinking SIL was being lighthearted and funny, followed up with a quip about a similar situation, the joke being that my mom is in her 60s. SIL looked offended and changed the subject. This story was an actual brag, not a jokey fun anecdote in the way my mom took it. She made a Facebook post about how someone mistook her for a 22 year old. She was deadly serious that this was an awesome genuine compliment. This wouldn't be that big of a deal, except SIL is on the verge of getting sucked into a modeling scam. Textbook scam - approach, schmooze, flatter, and then charge thousands for photos for her "modeling portfolio". Anyone with even a glancing familiarity with the modeling and fashion industry would know that this isn't how it works and that SIL, pretty though she may be, is never going to be a model. She's deadly serious about pursuing this and spending the cash. Would you say something? |
Anonymous
| Does your brother know? If anything he should be the one putting a stop to this. If you say anything you will just ruin your relationship with her |
Anonymous
| Can they afford it or will it really hurt them financially? Maybe find some stories online about people who have been scammed similarly and send them to your brother? |
Anonymous
| You already know there is nothing you can do. She wants to believe she is super beautiful and blah blah blah. if you say something, she will be angry at you, will accuse you to be jealous or similar stuff and will do it anyway. |
Anonymous
+1 Totally If there are some reviews of the "agency" she's using, maybe you could share those, but otherwise, I'd stay out of it. |
Anonymous
| How did you find out about the modeling thing? |
Anonymous
Agree |
Anonymous
I wouldn't describe her as naive. I would describe her as very, very vain. I would address your concerns with your brother, maybe send him a few articles or reviews of the agency, explaining why this is a scam. Let him handle it. It's not your money. |
Anonymous
Came here to write that. |
Anonymous
| Who would you say something to? Your SIL isn't naïve. She latches on to statements that reinforce her opinion of herself (or, at least those were the examples you gave). There's no point in saying anything to her or your brother. He already knows what she's like. |
Anonymous
| Just let her go for it OP |
Anonymous
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You can't fix stupid, OP. It's not vanity or being naive. But you knew that and were trying to be nice. I would tell her that these things are often scams, and to be careful. I would tell your brother the same thing. And then you sit back and let them make whatever decision they want, since it's nothing life-threatening and you don't want to come off as a Debbie Downer. And when she gets into trouble, as one day she will, you do NOT say: "I told you so". That's the hardest part... |
Anonymous
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I agree with your assessment, OP, that this scenario makes it sounds like she is being gullible again and falling for a scam. I think, though, that if you try to discourage her then she will tune you out. What I would do is act excited for her and happy; however, I would also point out that she should take care to make good financial and physical safety choices because you know SHE won't fall for it but there have been known to be scams runners in that industry.
I will say though that there seems to be a dearth of models in the older age ranges, especially for runway and ad work, in this area. I am 53 and I have been approached many times in stores by store execs or sales people who have asked me to participate in a runway show. Then as part of that conversation they asked me what agency I was with or told me about different agencies I should hook up with. The first couple of times it happened it was weird but now I just go with it. It is flattering in a way so I can see how your SIL gets taken in by it. The odd part is that it is always in high end stores. I think that this is because they tend to be the only types of stores that do runway shows anymore in their shows. Anyway, for some people, the more you try to dissuade them the more resistant and determined they become. Sounds like that might describe your SIL. So I would act happy for her but encourage her to make wise choices about her financial and physical safety. |
Anonymous
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Say something privately and once. Maybe just point out how common these scams are and how important due diligence is.
I would say something to my brother once, in private, since you are clearly concerned. Not sure why you had to write a book to describe the situation. That suggests that the relationship is more complex than distant. |
Anonymous
| There is an adult woman in my family who I'm pretty sure is about to buy in to her 3rd or 4th MLM scheme. I said something once but she had obviously drank the koolaid. I keep my mouth shut now and say a lot of "uh-huh" "hmmmmm". And I obviously don't buy. |