Is “informing someone of a mistake” criticizing?

[Anonymous]

Scenario: Person A is very particular and must have things done perfectly. Person B is tired of criticism from Person A. A glass is broken in the kitchen (beither person A nor B is responsible). Person A asks Person B to clean it. Person B says why bother since it will not be done to your satisfaction and you will end up redoing it anyways. Person A suggests Person B clear the big pieces and then Person A will vacuum as a compromise. Person B agrees and clears the big pieces. While vacuuming, Person A holds up a piece of glass and says “this is the second piece like this I have picked up, FYI”.

Person B says, “see, i knew you would criticize”

Person A gets angry and says informing of a mistake is not criticizing and Person B has set an impossible standard of what constitutes criticizing.

Who is right?

[Anonymous]

There might be times that informing someone of a mistake is not criticism, but in your example, person A is being an ass.

[Anonymous]

I can't live with anyone like person A.

[Anonymous]

It depends on which one is the woman. She will always be right.

[Anonymous]

This relationship sounds soul sucking and exhausting. Cleaning up a broken glass should not require a negotiation, a compromise, two adults, or a review / critique of the activity.

Person B needs to get out before their spirit is crushed and they shrivel up inside. Person A is also the kind of person that causes mental health problems in the kids.

[Anonymous]

Of course it’s criticizing. This is why I have given up on most household tasks. They will never be done to my DH’s standards, so I refuse to engage.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Person A would argue that it is not fair for Person A to have to do everything themselves because Person B can not do it well enough and Person B needs to get better.

Person B’s defense would be that they do things adequately and Person A sets crazy standards.

[Anonymous]

Jeeze. Would person B have left glass on the floor had person A not stepped in and vacuumed?

Yes? Well, then, Person B really does need to step it up.
No? Person A needs to chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Person A would argue that it is not fair for Person A to have to do everything themselves because Person B can not do it well enough and Person B needs to get better.

Person B’s defense would be that they do things adequately and Person A sets crazy standards.

I have a good friend who is much like person A. Her mom and sister have diagnosed OCD disorders, and she grew up in a compulsively clean and tidy home. At some point she did recognize that her standards were becoming destructive in her marriage and in other relationships, and she has worked really hard to let go of some things, and not voice all of her feelings. And her husband has also worked to create a generally clean and organized house. If person a and b can both have self-awareness and work toward compromise (maybe with a therapist or other expert, they can get to a better place).

[Anonymous]

Person A is being an ass, and I am the one that does most stuff in our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeeze. Would person B have left glass on the floor had person A not stepped in and vacuumed?

Yes? Well, then, Person B really does need to step it up.
No? Person A needs to chill.

Person B would have removed glass and vaccumed if they had been home alone when it happened. There is potential that Person B would have missed a piece of glass that flew far away or under the fridge.

Person A would have removed everything from the kitchen to sweep and vaccum and then used a flashlight to examine the crevices and make sure no glass was missed.

[Anonymous]

I can believe Person A is too particular, but Person B is overcorrecting if he/she thinks leaving shards of glass big enough to hold in hand is acceptable. Getting every last barely visible piece of glass is a pain, but a pretty good idea. If I were Person A, I might go a little insane with a partner who thinks leaving some glass is fine, and in turn overcorrect as a result. Maybe you two are doing it to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeeze. Would person B have left glass on the floor had person A not stepped in and vacuumed?

Yes? Well, then, Person B really does need to step it up.
No? Person A needs to chill.

Person B would have removed glass and vaccumed if they had been home alone when it happened. There is potential that Person B would have missed a piece of glass that flew far away or under the fridge.

Person A would have removed everything from the kitchen to sweep and vaccum and then used a flashlight to examine the crevices and make sure no glass was missed.

Person B knows Person A is overly particular, took the task of picking up the big pieces, and then purposely left big pieces? Was Person B baiting Person A? That doesn't seem healthy.

[Anonymous]

Dad, is that you? Mom is tired of cleaning up after you and tired of your passive-agressive attitude to household participation. Mom is also tired of having more work because you did a crappy job on your household chores. She wouldn't have had to deal with an ant infestation if you could sweep properly.

Also, your grown kids don't like cleaning your messes any more than Mom did. A grown man should be able to clear his own plate from the table and help clean up after dinner without being asked. This is why when we see you it is mostly inviting you for dinner out rather than inviting you to spend the weekend at the house like we do with Mom. (Yeah, you got divorced because after we left the house, Mom wised up and realized that she was taking care of one man-child who would never grow up. So she left the nest instead.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Person A would argue that it is not fair for Person A to have to do everything themselves because Person B can not do it well enough and Person B needs to get better.

Person B’s defense would be that they do things adequately and Person A sets crazy standards.

Yes, who made Person A the arbiter of all things? They can take their standards and shove them up their ass.