Was I wrong here? Not knowing where the relationship is going / committing one month in.
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Anonymous
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I have been dating a guy for one month. We are both 25 and only see each other on the weekends (he lives two hours away). We have had a great time together in the five weekends that we have spent together. I usually see him for less than 36 hours each weekend, due to work and travel time.
He asked a few nights ago where I saw our relationship going - do I see us together long term? Can I imagine a future with him (married)? I was honest and said that it is very early on, and that we do not really know each other well yet, so we will need to invest in more time together and we can figure it out. He was upset and said that he was falling in love with me, and that since I do not feel the same way, that he needed to end things with me. So he dumped me and walked out. I have not heard from him since. Is this on me for not committing after 5 weekends together? Or was he rushing things? On the weekends we also spend time with mutual friends, so it is not like we are glued to each other's sides. I really liked him, but I felt like I was still learning about him. Any input here? Thanks! |
Anonymous
| Wow he's crazy, bullet dodged! |
Anonymous
| No one was wrong. You just weren't on the same page. |
Anonymous
Yep. When I met DH I knew VERY quickly. Definitely by 5 weekends in. And neither of us was looking to settle down. |
Anonymous
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He needed to respect your pacing of the relationship and you need to respect his. You both had different pacings and he wasn't willing to wait for you.
His loss, you did nothing wrong by being honest, but neither did he. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like needed a reason to break up with you. (OK, I don't know if that's true, but that's the first thought that came to mind.) |
Anonymous
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"it is very early on, and that we do not really know each other well yet, so we will need to invest in more time together and we can figure it out" For some people this means what it sounds like. For others it's a way of saying "I'm not really that interested but I am enjoying your company for now and want to string you along" |
Anonymous
Yes. Glad you went with your instincts on this one, OP. |
Anonymous
| You are not wrong. He sounds like he's extremely emotionally fragile. |
Anonymous
I never say this. But this. Seriously. Do not get back together with him. |
Anonymous
+2 Lose his number |
Anonymous
| you answered him honestly if he can't accept that it's on him. From the sounds of it you have only spent about 180 hours together maybe some email/chat/phone time. I'd walk away and call it a life lesson. |
Anonymous
we do not really know each other well yet Not at all. 5 weeks? In a year you still don't know. Or was he rushing things? He sure is and there is something wrong with that guy. You have to wonder if he spring this on all his previous partners after just a short time together.\ Is this on me for not committing after 5 weekends together? Absolutely not. Even if you liked him a lot, and saw no red flags, that's not nearly enough time, especially when you haven't even seen him that much in that time. He sounds very needy and desperate and him breaking up with you over it is a really passive aggressive, dick move. He probably assumes you will come running back, begging for another chance. |
Anonymous
| Have you slept together or no? Can't give advice without knowing. And if not, have you been passionate, in some way way, with him? If you haven't, he's worried he's in the friend zone. And he's right to be worried. Let him go. Don't keep him just because he provides you with needed attention. |
Anonymous
| My now DH initiated a conversation like this early on and I gave a similar response. He waited patiently until I was ready to commit about a month later. This dude sounds a little unstable. |