I don't think I can be friends with new cheap friend

[Anonymous]

It is so hard making new friends as adults. I met a new friend and she is always itemizing checks when friends go out. Everyone wants to split the bill and she always insists on itemizing. What she doesn't realize is that people often get stuck paying for shared appetizers. Last time I ordered and paid for two appetizers. Today our friend got stuck paying for 3 appetizers. Every time I hang out with her, I think about her itemizing.

Is this normal to do?

I don't have any other friends who behave this way whether they are rich or poor. If I know my friend is struggling, I simply pick up the entire check.

[Anonymous]

She can use her voice and say she wants a separate check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can use her voice and say she wants a separate check.

I'm PP. And then don't share with her.

[Anonymous]

Is she eating the appetizers?

[Anonymous]

I dont understand. If she agreed to order and split the appetizers then when you’re itemizing you say “your 1/3 of the nachos is $5.”

If she didn’t agree to the appetizers then you just pay for them.

If you are ordering appetizers “to share” without discussing whether she wants them, then that is probaly exactly what she’s trying to avoid by itemizing. She is on a budget doesn’t want to pay for a bunch of appetizers or bottles of wine she can’t afford and didn’t order. That’s not cheap, it’s very reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she eating the appetizers?

Or ordering all these items?

[Anonymous]

That's such a small, small, foible on her part, OP. To not make friends with someone just for that makes you quite intolerant and small-minded.

It could be social awkwardness on her part, but what if she's kind and intelligent?

Anyway. I can see you are determined that this is a deal-breaker.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to itemize (while splitting the appetizers appropriately, e.g. not charging vegetarians for chicken skewers). I have friends who prefer it and friends who don't (some we split, some alternate, some always pay).
Does she eat the appetizers?

[Anonymous]

I also don’t understand what you mean by people get stuck for shared apps. The people ordering it should pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand. If she agreed to order and split the appetizers then when you’re itemizing you say “your 1/3 of the nachos is $5.”

If she didn’t agree to the appetizers then you just pay for them.

If you are ordering appetizers “to share” without discussing whether she wants them, then that is probaly exactly what she’s trying to avoid by itemizing. She is on a budget doesn’t want to pay for a bunch of appetizers or bottles of wine she can’t afford and didn’t order. That’s not cheap, it’s very reasonable.

Not OP. I have a friend who is always sharing the price of the appetizers that she can't eat (she is vegan). Annoys her from.time to time.

[Anonymous]

A friend who nickels and dimes me over $10-$15 appetizers isn't really much of a friend. We always order for the table and fight over the check. Americans can sometimes be sort of cold about this type of thing. The independent mindset is great for somethings but sometimes it seems there's not a sense of true togetherness and affection for friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend who nickels and dimes me over $10-$15 appetizers isn't really much of a friend. We always order for the table and fight over the check. Americans can sometimes be sort of cold about this type of thing. The independent mindset is great for somethings but sometimes it seems there's not a sense of true togetherness and affection for friends and family.

You are not on a budget, but many peoplle are. It's not togetherness, it's a financial reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand. If she agreed to order and split the appetizers then when you’re itemizing you say “your 1/3 of the nachos is $5.”

If she didn’t agree to the appetizers then you just pay for them.

If you are ordering appetizers “to share” without discussing whether she wants them, then that is probaly exactly what she’s trying to avoid by itemizing. She is on a budget doesn’t want to pay for a bunch of appetizers or bottles of wine she can’t afford and didn’t order. That’s not cheap, it’s very reasonable.

Not OP. I have a friend who is always sharing the price of the appetizers that she can't eat (she is vegan). Annoys her from.time to time.

OP here. I am not a big drinker. I'm usually the loser when splitting checks evenly because of alcohol. DH and I host often in our home. We spend a lot of money entertaining and don't keep tabs on who treated when. And the restaurants we are going to are not expensive. We are talking a delta of $10. This new friend eats out often and likes fine dining so it isn't like she can't afford to eat out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend who nickels and dimes me over $10-$15 appetizers isn't really much of a friend. We always order for the table and fight over the check. Americans can sometimes be sort of cold about this type of thing. The independent mindset is great for somethings but sometimes it seems there's not a sense of true togetherness and affection for friends and family.

You are not on a budget, but many peoplle are. It's not togetherness, it's a financial reality.

Everyone is on a budget, that's life. I would rather share what I have with those I care about. It's always reciprocal and I feel as if I can count on my friends for anything. But we are all free to make our own decisions, I'm simply explaining mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand. If she agreed to order and split the appetizers then when you’re itemizing you say “your 1/3 of the nachos is $5.”

If she didn’t agree to the appetizers then you just pay for them.

If you are ordering appetizers “to share” without discussing whether she wants them, then that is probaly exactly what she’s trying to avoid by itemizing. She is on a budget doesn’t want to pay for a bunch of appetizers or bottles of wine she can’t afford and didn’t order. That’s not cheap, it’s very reasonable.

Not OP. I have a friend who is always sharing the price of the appetizers that she can't eat (she is vegan). Annoys her from.time to time.

OP here. I am not a big drinker. I'm usually the loser when splitting checks evenly because of alcohol. DH and I host often in our home. We spend a lot of money entertaining and don't keep tabs on who treated when. And the restaurants we are going to are not expensive. We are talking a delta of $10. This new friend eats out often and likes fine dining so it isn't like she can't afford to eat out.

Then it doesn't matter, does it? I'd rather itemize myself.