I don't think I can be friends with new cheap friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend who nickels and dimes me over $10-$15 appetizers isn't really much of a friend. We always order for the table and fight over the check. Americans can sometimes be sort of cold about this type of thing. The independent mindset is great for somethings but sometimes it seems there's not a sense of true togetherness and affection for friends and family.

You are not on a budget, but many peoplle are. It's not togetherness, it's a financial reality.

Everyone is on a budget, that's life. I would rather share what I have with those I care about. It's always reciprocal and I feel as if I can count on my friends for anything. But we are all free to make our own decisions, I'm simply explaining mine.

Either all of your friends eat and drink similar amount or some of you are not on the budget. Not only you need to order less because some of us don't eat, but also pay less because "we are together". Our checks are so one-sided most of the time that I would never want to share, it would not be right. We are all capable of counting and estimating the bill share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand. If she agreed to order and split the appetizers then when you’re itemizing you say “your 1/3 of the nachos is $5.”

If she didn’t agree to the appetizers then you just pay for them.

If you are ordering appetizers “to share” without discussing whether she wants them, then that is probaly exactly what she’s trying to avoid by itemizing. She is on a budget doesn’t want to pay for a bunch of appetizers or bottles of wine she can’t afford and didn’t order. That’s not cheap, it’s very reasonable.

Not OP. I have a friend who is always sharing the price of the appetizers that she can't eat (she is vegan). Annoys her from.time to time.

OP here. I am not a big drinker. I'm usually the loser when splitting checks evenly because of alcohol. DH and I host often in our home. We spend a lot of money entertaining and don't keep tabs on who treated when. And the restaurants we are going to are not expensive. We are talking a delta of $10. This new friend eats out often and likes fine dining so it isn't like she can't afford to eat out.

If she agreed to ordering appetizers then add $10 to her share when she itemizes, problem solved. If you are one of those people who loves ordering appetizers before making dinner decisions then pay for them. My dinner goes into to go box if I order appetizers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend who nickels and dimes me over $10-$15 appetizers isn't really much of a friend. We always order for the table and fight over the check. Americans can sometimes be sort of cold about this type of thing. The independent mindset is great for somethings but sometimes it seems there's not a sense of true togetherness and affection for friends and family.

You are not on a budget, but many peoplle are. It's not togetherness, it's a financial reality.

This. Some people here, who are fortunate to be wealthy, are really ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of how much money she has, if she doesn't want to pay for things she didn't eat, she doesn't have to. I don't drink, don't eat appetizers, and usually just get a salad or a couple sides. It wouldn't "even out" in the long run because I always have the smallest bill. If someone expected me to help pay for their drinks and food, I wouldn't keep them as a friend for very long.

An acquaintance of mine always insists on ordering a bunch of appetizers nobody else wants, people feel obligated to have a bite or two to be polite, he eats the remaining 75% of them, then expects to split the cost evenly among everyone.

[Anonymous]

Your friend is basically George Costanza.

[Anonymous]

You are a pain, OP. I wouldn't want a friend like you who feels you have to share the bill if you don't want to.

I'm not cheap but I only want to pay for what I'm having.
I don't drink alcohol, I usually eat an appetizer and desert, no drink. Why would I split the bill ? Just imagine doing this all year with all of your friends and family ... all the money that's wasted. I'd rather spend it on something else.

Just respect what people want to do and you'll feel better, they don't owe you anything.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely hate it when one or two people decide to order bottles of wine or appetizers “for the table” and then expect everyone to share the cost. It’s obnoxious. If you want it, order it, and then pay for it. Let everyone else do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend who nickels and dimes me over $10-$15 appetizers isn't really much of a friend. We always order for the table and fight over the check. Americans can sometimes be sort of cold about this type of thing. The independent mindset is great for somethings but sometimes it seems there's not a sense of true togetherness and affection for friends and family.

A friend who orders food I don’t want and expects me to help pay for it is not much of a friend, in my opinion. Order what you want, and pay for what you order. It always astounds me that people who expect others to subsidize their food are the ones calling others cheap. YOU are cheap if you don’t pay for exactly what you order.

[Anonymous]

I am blessed with really awesome friends, or perhaps a really forgetful mind. I can't believe you are stressing over this.

[Anonymous]

My DH’s friends never want to itemize. They’re the same ones that roll to meals/outings with two kids and sometimes au pair in tow. We are a childfree couple. Sometimes we can even it out by ordering more drinks than we had planned to, just so we don’t feel like we’re getting taken advantage of, but other times that’s just not possible.

It’s gotten so bad that i’ve had to think of alternative ways to handle it - bring cash and say we’re paying for our share in cash and they can pay the rest, etc. I asked to itemize once but DH’s friend made a fuss about it. I’m slowly ghosting this couple, but I don’t want to drop them completely because it’s one of DH’s longtime friends.

I don’t think they think we’re cheap. If anything, I think they think we’re rolling in cash because we don’t have kids. Come to think about it, I may start dropping hints about all my law school loans the next time we see them.

[Anonymous]

She needs to take ownership and ask a server for a separate check when she eats with other people. Itemizing down to the nickel on a group check is uncool especially when they never factor in tax and tip. (Or add a single dollar on to the total of the food items to 'factor that in').

I'm a lucky to have good friends who not only split the check, but always try to claim more of their share "because the fish was more expensive" or "I had a glass of wine".

[Anonymous]

^^by the way, I did have one couple friend that itemized to the point of annoying the rest of the group. She didn’t want to pay for any shared apps or bottles of wine, etc. The problem was that her husband would still partake in all of that, and she never wanted to figure out her share (plus what he owed out of the shared stuff).

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I hate splitting evenly because I don't order drinks. Places won't always let you do a separate check. I'm never trying to be cheap, just fair.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes don't like to split checks evenly because I have friends who will order the most expensive thing, plus appetizers plus soup plus a whole bunch of drinks and then say, "we had about the same thing, let's split it." No we did not.

But I'm good about throwing in for shared appetizers if I actually ate them. If I didn't order them, didn't ask for them and didn't even taste them, I'm not paying for them. that said, if the difference between splitting and itemizing is just a few bucks, I'll just split.

[Anonymous]

I have a large group of friends i go with and they're always ordering 3-4 appetizers for the table. I don't want these, nor do most of the other women. It's kind of unfair that we all get stuck splitting these.