Having a bad night with the disrespectful teen

[Anonymous]

Hi all -

I'm having a bad night dealing with my disrespectful teen. I grounded him for yelling at me after I told one his friends to stop flying a drone through a group of small kids and close to people's faces. My son just couldn't understand why that would be wrong. I got oh my god over and over and door slamming. I then took his phone and iPad away. Also no playing with friends tomorrow. I later saw on our security cam he was mocking me as soon as I walked inside. Sighs...I'm nearly in tears here. I tried to explain to him again later why he was grounded. All he thinks is this is about his friend which isn't the case, it's about his attitude and disrespect towards me. I'm just sad... parenting is so damn hard sometimes.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Unless he has a low IQ, he knows very well why you're upset if you've explained it. He just won't admit it, because he doesn't want to apologize, doesn't want to lose face, and he's ashamed of himself (a little).

Make him write an essay on why drone flying in that area was dangerous. No privileges until he does.

[Anonymous]

Make him watch the footage. I was a disrespectful teen but having to actually play back some of the garbage I pulled would give me white hot shame.

[Anonymous]

The response I got from grounding him was, "So, I don't care." Oh, yes, I played back to the video to him. Again...."so"

[Anonymous]

How close was it and was it dangerous?

[Anonymous]

I think you over- reacted. He was probably embarrassed in front of his friend. I would’ve talked to him about it later explained you were concerned about safety but you also understand that likely embarrassed him. I would state that he can be mad at you but he can’t be disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Grounding him, taking away iPad , phone etc is pretty extreme and you’re not really getting to the root of the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you over- reacted. He was probably embarrassed in front of his friend. I would’ve talked to him about it later explained you were concerned about safety but you also understand that likely embarrassed him. I would state that he can be mad at you but he can’t be disrespectful.

You embarrassed him in front of his friends. In teenage boy world, that is pretty much the worst thing you could have done.

[Anonymous]

Stories like yours are the exact reasons why a ton of women are childfree. It is hilarious to read the threads of DCUMers who worry about their 3, 4, 5-year-olds when the teenage years are the craziest. It's not the 1950s anymore when parents can expect their children to respect them just because they're parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you over- reacted. He was probably embarrassed in front of his friend. I would’ve talked to him about it later explained you were concerned about safety but you also understand that likely embarrassed him. I would state that he can be mad at you but he can’t be disrespectful.

You embarrassed him in front of his friends. In teenage boy world, that is pretty much the worst thing you could have done.

NP. Jesus, who cares? Parents do not have to conform their behavior/parenting techniques to the extremely oversensitive emotional vagaries of teenagers. Flying a drone close to strangers' faces is not acceptable behavior. His supposed inability to understand that is either utter nonsense or he is an antisocial imbecile. He is behaving childishly and could have avoided a loss of face - if this is really such a concern - by not being such a baby about the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

I think you were pushing too far. Taking away the drone or sending the friend home or sending yours inside - each ONE of those would have been enough. I like to let my kid vent, because my parents never allowed me to express anger in any way. Couldn't yell, couldn't talk back (even when they were wrong), couldn't stamp my feet going up to my room, couldn't slam my door closed.

So I stop the immediate behavior that's a problem, she vents, I let her, and when we've all calmed down, THEN we talk. But I wait for HER to calm down too.

[Anonymous]

I think you should have let him cool down instead of grounding him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The response I got from grounding him was, "So, I don't care." Oh, yes, I played back to the video to him. Again...."so"

It helps to rememeber this is completely normal behavior. Just like it's normal for two year olds to have throw down tantrums or for babies to wake up in the middle of the night. There still need to be consequences, but just like you're feelings aren't hurt by the four year old saying "mean mommy", you need to not take this personally.
Just give him a consequence and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The response I got from grounding him was, "So, I don't care." Oh, yes, I played back to the video to him. Again...."so"

"Oh, you don't care about me taking away your X? Great. You lose your Y as well."
and if I get attitude about that, it would go to Z, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The response I got from grounding him was, "So, I don't care." Oh, yes, I played back to the video to him. Again...."so"

"Oh, you don't care about me taking away your X? Great. You lose your Y as well."
and if I get attitude about that, it would go to Z, etc.

No to this. It’s just a stupid power struggle. When your teen says,”I don’t care that you took X,” just walk away. Do not take the bait and engage. Do not give the “attitude” an audience. You’ve taken X away. No need to keep escalating because your teen “doesn’t care.” I just respond with a flat “Okay,” and walk away.
Now if my teen escalated to name calling or being outright disrespectful, then there’s a consequence for that behavior. But “I don’t care” is not worth escalating.

—mom of a 16 year old ds & 13 year old dd