Do You Consider this Harrassment?
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Anonymous
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There is an older gentleman at my office who seems to fancy me. He is married, maybe late 50s, early 60s. He never says things to me regarding my looks but he says things that make me feel VERY uncomfortable - about wanting to seduce me, how we should spend more time together, how much he likes me. These are not literal sexual comments but the innuendo is there.
HR knows, other staff know, I have complained about him hovering around me and not leaving when I ask him to. No one seems to care. He continues this behavior and it is bothersome. I don't egg him on or leave any room for him to think what he is doing is welcomed. I like my job, I need my job, but this has become a daily issue, he does this to me numerous times to a day to the point I have become almost hostile with him. What would you do in this situation? He has not been reprimanded and the higher ups mostly laugh when I complain. |
Anonymous
| Yes |
Anonymous
What do I do? I forgot he has offered massages, has said highly inappropriate things to me just not outright sexual. |
Anonymous
| What is his position in relation to yours? Is he a superior or in your chain of command? Have you actually told him in a direct, firm voice to stop the line of discussion? In a perfect world, the company would do something, but since they don't, you need to say no, preferably with witnesses. |
Anonymous
| Keep a notebook where you write down every instance that makes you uncomfortable. After a month, bring it to HR and lay it out for them. Theoretically that should spur them into action. |
Anonymous
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God, we used to have one of these around the office - although he was quite a bit older. He was widely considered harmless, and incompetent, but a nice old guy. he invariably had one or two young women singled out for special attention. It never removed verged on anything physical but it was inappropriate and uncomfortable. They finally threatened him with some sort of forced retirement when he picked out one of the new support staff, who was barely 21 and kinda freaked. Not sure if he really improved after that but he definitely stopped harassing the young staff person and was otherwise at least less overt.
Generally: 1 - Document, document, document. Keep notes for yourself. email them to yourself, memorializing every inappropriate comment and saving every email. 2 - Have a formal conversation with him where you are not nice or accommodating, nor overtly mean, and tell him in no uncertain terms to stop - that it is uncomfortable, unprofessional and inappropriate. Don't smile when he responds with a joke. Follow up with an email. 3 - If it continues, take all of your documentation to HR, and lay it out. If they don't at least reprimand him then, they're idiots and failing to protect the interests of the company. they have to know that you would have a reasonably strong claim. |
Anonymous
| PP has very good advice. I also recommend continuing to notify HR, in writing, that this is ongoing. |
Anonymous
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Hell yes, that’s harassment. Perhaps your HR department needs to read this:
http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/money/a12845576/what-sexual-harassment-looks-like-examples/ |
Anonymous
This is harassment. I would make sure it is documented. I had a similar incident happen to me when I was in the military. |
Anonymous
He's a director, I'm not under him but he is someone I work for occasionally. Yes, I have told him no and to go away pretty much several times a day and in front of people. Our hr is 2 people who do benefits and hiring. Neither are actual career hr people. I send emails and messages to hr, partners, and my personal email detailing what is said. |
Anonymous
| Reportedly, a former newsperson allegedly settled a sexual harassment suit for $32 million. Just saying. |
Anonymous
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Yes, it is harrassment. Since it seems to be accepted by the establishment, you have poor options.
While you have legal recourses, none of them leave you well off. Any action like an EEOC violation complaint will make you the bad guy and persona non grata and while they may not take direct action, you will find that your options for advancement or even staying comfortably in your job will become strained and limited. Not fair, but likely. What I find much more effective is to essentially tell him very vaguely but clearly how much you consider him undesirable. Talk about how much he reminds you of your grandfather who chases anything in a skirt even though no one takes him seriously. Tell him that you're surprised that at his age he can still show interest in women; that you didn't think he could have it in him. Tell him that you don't even know what the AARP crowd finds interesting and that you aren't interested in bingo at the senior center. Find anything discouraging about aging and use that in response to his overtures. Check out this clip from Supernatural. Fast forward to 2:45. It's hysterical: [youtube] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8tnjHamtW0[/youtube] |
Anonymous
| Document document document (for at least a week or 2 depending on the frequency) and then file an EEO complaint. |
Anonymous
Him: I would love to relax you with a massage. You: Oh no! I wouldn't want you go to get a cramp or anything. Maybe you should sit down before you wear yourself out. Getting your heart rate up isn't very smart at your age. |
Anonymous
Sorry. Fixing the youtube link.
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