Pulling DS from a higher-level team

[Anonymous]

My DS has loved soccer since he was small. He would play (still does play) outside for hours on his own. He is constantly walking around the house with a soccer ball attached to his foot. He watches both US and European soccer all the time.

He's not one of the fastest or biggest kids. He was always on one of the lower teams when he was younger. But we were fortunate with his coaches, and in his younger years his third- and fourth-team coaches were young and dynamic coaches who really helped DS and his teammates. The coaches were great: they'd grown up playing and learning a dynamic style of playing that they passed on to their team.

Last year DS's coach got an offer to coach a top-level team at a club. Good career-wise for the coach, but sad for my DS. Because there was so much change going on, we thought it might be time to try out for one of the more competitive teams at one of the local clubs. He made it on fairly easily. The coach said that he had unusually good soccer sense for his age (U12). This club has a DA team, and he's playing on the NPL team one level down from the DA team.

This team as a whole is at a higher-level, there's no question. DS has gone from being a bench player to starting within a season. But here's the thing: I don't think DS is learning nearly as much as he used to learn, and I don't think he's having as much fun. I feel like he's plateaued on skills acquisition whereas before, I could just see him absorbing more and more, even though this team takes up more time. Also, and more worrying for me, he doesn't seem to have as much joy in it. I don't really care if he plays in college (DS really wants to play in college). I want him to keep playing through high school because I think high school athletics are valuable. I am worried he's just going to burn out, though. He is talking about playing DA, but I've watched the DA team and I don't think it's necessarily a good idea.

We're thinking about taking him down a level and letting him have individual coaching with the coaches he loved (who like the idea). But I've heard other coaches/parents say that at U13, if you pull a kid down to anything under NPL, they won't get back to NPL or DA levels again. I think that seems kind of silly but I don't know much about this world.

DS is ambivalent. He doesn't love his current team but he loves soccer and wants to play at a competitive level. He seemed pretty relieved, though, when I told him that he could move down and we'd support it, and I think at some level he really likes the idea. He's mentioned it multiple times to me since I raised it.

Have any of you ever done this? Is moving down really such a dramatic move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS has loved soccer since he was small. He would play (still does play) outside for hours on his own. He is constantly walking around the house with a soccer ball attached to his foot. He watches both US and European soccer all the time.

He's not one of the fastest or biggest kids. He was always on one of the lower teams when he was younger. But we were fortunate with his coaches, and in his younger years his third- and fourth-team coaches were young and dynamic coaches who really helped DS and his teammates. The coaches were great: they'd grown up playing and learning a dynamic style of playing that they passed on to their team.

Last year DS's coach got an offer to coach a top-level team at a club. Good career-wise for the coach, but sad for my DS. Because there was so much change going on, we thought it might be time to try out for one of the more competitive teams at one of the local clubs. He made it on fairly easily. The coach said that he had unusually good soccer sense for his age (U12). This club has a DA team, and he's playing on the NPL team one level down from the DA team.

This team as a whole is at a higher-level, there's no question. DS has gone from being a bench player to starting within a season. But here's the thing: I don't think DS is learning nearly as much as he used to learn, and I don't think he's having as much fun. I feel like he's plateaued on skills acquisition whereas before, I could just see him absorbing more and more, even though this team takes up more time. Also, and more worrying for me, he doesn't seem to have as much joy in it. I don't really care if he plays in college (DS really wants to play in college). I want him to keep playing through high school because I think high school athletics are valuable. I am worried he's just going to burn out, though. He is talking about playing DA, but I've watched the DA team and I don't think it's necessarily a good idea.

We're thinking about taking him down a level and letting him have individual coaching with the coaches he loved (who like the idea). But I've heard other coaches/parents say that at U13, if you pull a kid down to anything under NPL, they won't get back to NPL or DA levels again. I think that seems kind of silly but I don't know much about this world.

DS is ambivalent. He doesn't love his current team but he loves soccer and wants to play at a competitive level. He seemed pretty relieved, though, when I told him that he could move down and we'd support it, and I think at some level he really likes the idea. He's mentioned it multiple times to me since I raised it.

Have any of you ever done this? Is moving down really such a dramatic move?

Talk about over reaction. It is a new team, new coach and new club and only October. Chill out. If he isn’t complaining you shouldn’t be.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any answers as my kids don't play soccer, but I opened the thread bc the gist is the same no matter the sport, and this is a concern others of us have faced for similar reasons. Too level travel isn't always the best choice for a kid even if he qualifies for the team. Op, I would really try to pose these questions to as many parents as you can who are involved in travel soccer, bc there can be unintended consequences and you are smart to think ahead. You are also smart to focus first and foremost on your child's growth and happiness. Also, can you ask your son's former coaches these questions? They sound very supportive of your son and they must know the internal politics.

[Anonymous]

So at the u12 level the clubs move to team play vs developing individual skills. They really do not work on individuals skills.

[Anonymous]

There is a point in training where the focus shifts from purely technical skill development to tactical or team oriented training. As this transition occurs, it is natural to see some slowdown in technical skill growth (foot skills). In US soccer's training plan, this transition occurs between U12 and U14. Is it possible that the focus of your team training is following this path? You may be observing a slowdown in technical skill growth but he may be growing in other, less obvious areas.

[Anonymous]

OP, take it from a long-time veteran of soccer in this area, you need not worry about what anyone else is doing---or that you are going to ruin your child's future at 11-years old by this one choice. It is very hard to tune out the crazy parents around you, but it's necessary. You are already on the right path by looking at your own child as an individual and what his needs are at this current time and place.

There are two camps in the travel soccer world.

1) The parents that are very focused on political gain from the start---they have to start at Club X and do everything in their power to rise or stay at the top from U9 onward. They will buy training from a Coach--even knowing that particular coach may not be the best trainer because they are looking for an angle, an "in" (yes--parents have told me they do this). They will do anything and everything a Club asks of them--even when it is having a negative impact on their kid and their family. They are ultimately scared of everything---being blackballed, having their kid not start if they miss something, standing up to a toxic coach, etc. ALL OF THIS BEHAVIOR beginning at age 8! They will tell everyone else ---if you don't do 'a, b and c' you child's chances 5-years down the road are squashed. They emit such tension on the sidelines every game. No surprise--this is much more about THEM, than their child. This area is filled with people like this--not just the sports world but in the academic world as well. SHUT THEM OUT.

2) The minority camp are the parents that wisely are taking clues from their own child and doing their research. Even though their child might make a top team, if they don't feel it's a good match or if it's too much too soon or the environment is too toxic, they politely decline. What someone may view as an inferior choice, e.g., oh--how could you leave for them--they aren't the best and don't play in XYZ league--these parents are looking at the LONG-TERM and what will keep their kid loving the sport and the best developmental track for their child's needs. They are looking at the best trainers--period--not teams. If they sense a kid needs a full off-season break (not Super Y or practices all winter long), they sit their kid and let him just play in the backyard.

U12 is still very young. Here's a little tidbit the type 1) parents don't realize--all of their posturing and sucking up and "commitment/loyalty to a club", skipping family weddings for a game, won't matter when the kid is 15/16. It just won't. The only thing anyone should be worried about is having a kid that wants to be out there and simultaneously making sure their individual development is the best it can be. The golden ticket in the later years is ultimately how good the kid is as a player---not which Club he played with in the early years or what Coaches know his face (though that is a big part of your youth soccer system and why we have players like Bradley (nepotism) on the pitch during the World Cup) or how many Hampton Inns they stayed at throughout the soccer season.

Ask yourself--would you want to play for a place that picks players solely on connections and loyalty---or would you want to play for a place where player talent/hard work is the main factor in the later years?

I repeatedly ask my kids if this is something they really want to do (not just because everyone else on the team is doing it) ---and we weigh the options before committing to anything.

I pulled my kid out of the Club scene at the same age as your child and he is absolutely thriving now. He worked on what he needed, not what a particular team needed. Through the years, we met some really great people that have stuck by my child and helped us with his personal development. These guys have been wonderful mentors for my son and put things in perspective for him. I refuse to drive or fly my kid all over the US at these young ages for regular season games or tournament after unnecessary tournament. It is just plain stupid and not the best thing for development. Your kid will have the upper hand in the later years if you only focus on his own needs, trust me. I know a handful of players that have gone the same route---leaving top Club team/DA/whatever for a few years---and coming back around 15/16 and blowing away the competition. The kids that stayed in that structure environment early on, for the most part, burned out or were cut when better players showed up at tryouts in the later years. Taking my child out of that toxic environment was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Really, very few Clubs actually care about your child. It's a business.

Your kid is giving you clues, listen to them. They will sometimes continue with things because they think it will make us happy. This is their time, not ours.

Find your tribe and keep your kid sheltered and having fun/motivated for as long as you can. Trust your gut and don't look back. This "business" can really mess with a child's motivation, self-esteem, player growth and confidence.

Best of luck to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS has loved soccer since he was small. He would play (still does play) outside for hours on his own. He is constantly walking around the house with a soccer ball attached to his foot. He watches both US and European soccer all the time.

He's not one of the fastest or biggest kids. He was always on one of the lower teams when he was younger. But we were fortunate with his coaches, and in his younger years his third- and fourth-team coaches were young and dynamic coaches who really helped DS and his teammates. The coaches were great: they'd grown up playing and learning a dynamic style of playing that they passed on to their team.

Last year DS's coach got an offer to coach a top-level team at a club. Good career-wise for the coach, but sad for my DS. Because there was so much change going on, we thought it might be time to try out for one of the more competitive teams at one of the local clubs. He made it on fairly easily. The coach said that he had unusually good soccer sense for his age (U12). This club has a DA team, and he's playing on the NPL team one level down from the DA team.

This team as a whole is at a higher-level, there's no question. DS has gone from being a bench player to starting within a season. But here's the thing: I don't think DS is learning nearly as much as he used to learn, and I don't think he's having as much fun. I feel like he's plateaued on skills acquisition whereas before, I could just see him absorbing more and more, even though this team takes up more time. Also, and more worrying for me, he doesn't seem to have as much joy in it. I don't really care if he plays in college (DS really wants to play in college). I want him to keep playing through high school because I think high school athletics are valuable. I am worried he's just going to burn out, though. He is talking about playing DA, but I've watched the DA team and I don't think it's necessarily a good idea.

We're thinking about taking him down a level and letting him have individual coaching with the coaches he loved (who like the idea). But I've heard other coaches/parents say that at U13, if you pull a kid down to anything under NPL, they won't get back to NPL or DA levels again. I think that seems kind of silly but I don't know much about this world.

DS is ambivalent. He doesn't love his current team but he loves soccer and wants to play at a competitive level. He seemed pretty relieved, though, when I told him that he could move down and we'd support it, and I think at some level he really likes the idea. He's mentioned it multiple times to me since I raised it.

Have any of you ever done this? Is moving down really such a dramatic move?

Talk about over reaction. It is a new team, new coach and new club and only October. Chill out. If he isn’t complaining you shouldn’t be.

OP here. This is his second season with the team. The switch was last year, not this year.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is youth soccer. Do what makes him happy.

By the time he gets to high school, he might decide he wants to do lacrosse. Or theater. Or baseball. Who knows.

Let him join the team that makes him happy. That is a lot of time to invest in a team he is not crazy about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a point in training where the focus shifts from purely technical skill development to tactical or team oriented training. As this transition occurs, it is natural to see some slowdown in technical skill growth (foot skills). In US soccer's training plan, this transition occurs between U12 and U14. Is it possible that the focus of your team training is following this path? You may be observing a slowdown in technical skill growth but he may be growing in other, less obvious areas.

OP here. That is possible. My feeling is that the kids play a sort of grabby kind of soccer because they are all angling to make the goal at the sacrifice of good team play, but I'm not enough of an expert at tactics to really say. I felt like the lower-level teams played more as a team than this one.

[Anonymous]

My DS quit soccer for his favorite sport when coaches pressured him to quit other sport. Everyone was shocked. He was 12. He's now a recruited player at 17, and he just started playing again in HS. He's being looked at for both sports. My point is only to tell you that if he loves the sport and is a good athlete, just do what's best for his overall health and development, and don't worry too much about the minutae.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, take it from a long-time veteran of soccer in this area, you need not worry about what anyone else is doing---or that you are going to ruin your child's future at 11-years old by this one choice. It is very hard to tune out the crazy parents around you, but it's necessary. You are already on the right path by looking at your own child as an individual and what his needs are at this current time and place.

There are two camps in the travel soccer world.

1) The parents that are very focused on political gain from the start---they have to start at Club X and do everything in their power to rise or stay at the top from U9 onward. They will buy training from a Coach--even knowing that particular coach may not be the best trainer because they are looking for an angle, an "in" (yes--parents have told me they do this). They will do anything and everything a Club asks of them--even when it is having a negative impact on their kid and their family. They are ultimately scared of everything---being blackballed, having their kid not start if they miss something, standing up to a toxic coach, etc. ALL OF THIS BEHAVIOR beginning at age 8! They will tell everyone else ---if you don't do 'a, b and c' you child's chances 5-years down the road are squashed. They emit such tension on the sidelines every game. No surprise--this is much more about THEM, than their child. This area is filled with people like this--not just the sports world but in the academic world as well. SHUT THEM OUT.

2) The minority camp are the parents that wisely are taking clues from their own child and doing their research. Even though their child might make a top team, if they don't feel it's a good match or if it's too much too soon or the environment is too toxic, they politely decline. What someone may view as an inferior choice, e.g., oh--how could you leave for them--they aren't the best and don't play in XYZ league--these parents are looking at the LONG-TERM and what will keep their kid loving the sport and the best developmental track for their child's needs. They are looking at the best trainers--period--not teams. If they sense a kid needs a full off-season break (not Super Y or practices all winter long), they sit their kid and let him just play in the backyard.

U12 is still very young. Here's a little tidbit the type 1) parents don't realize--all of their posturing and sucking up and "commitment/loyalty to a club", skipping family weddings for a game, won't matter when the kid is 15/16. It just won't. The only thing anyone should be worried about is having a kid that wants to be out there and simultaneously making sure their individual development is the best it can be. The golden ticket in the later years is ultimately how good the kid is as a player---not which Club he played with in the early years or what Coaches know his face (though that is a big part of your youth soccer system and why we have players like Bradley (nepotism) on the pitch during the World Cup) or how many Hampton Inns they stayed at throughout the soccer season.

Ask yourself--would you want to play for a place that picks players solely on connections and loyalty---or would you want to play for a place where player talent/hard work is the main factor in the later years?

I repeatedly ask my kids if this is something they really want to do (not just because everyone else on the team is doing it) ---and we weigh the options before committing to anything.

I pulled my kid out of the Club scene at the same age as your child and he is absolutely thriving now. He worked on what he needed, not what a particular team needed. Through the years, we met some really great people that have stuck by my child and helped us with his personal development. These guys have been wonderful mentors for my son and put things in perspective for him. I refuse to drive or fly my kid all over the US at these young ages for regular season games or tournament after unnecessary tournament. It is just plain stupid and not the best thing for development. Your kid will have the upper hand in the later years if you only focus on his own needs, trust me. I know a handful of players that have gone the same route---leaving top Club team/DA/whatever for a few years---and coming back around 15/16 and blowing away the competition. The kids that stayed in that structure environment early on, for the most part, burned out or were cut when better players showed up at tryouts in the later years. Taking my child out of that toxic environment was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Really, very few Clubs actually care about your child. It's a business.

Your kid is giving you clues, listen to them. They will sometimes continue with things because they think it will make us happy. This is their time, not ours.

Find your tribe and keep your kid sheltered and having fun/motivated for as long as you can. Trust your gut and don't look back. This "business" can really mess with a child's motivation, self-esteem, player growth and confidence.

Best of luck to your son.

This is OP. Wow, thank you. This is really helpful and crystallizes a lot of what I'm feeling. I am just not seeing the benefit, and I feel that a mellower team with less time commitment and more time for his own skills development is what he needs now. It feels like the joy he used to feel with soccer is just being leaked out of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS has loved soccer since he was small. He would play (still does play) outside for hours on his own. He is constantly walking around the house with a soccer ball attached to his foot. He watches both US and European soccer all the time.

He's not one of the fastest or biggest kids. He was always on one of the lower teams when he was younger. But we were fortunate with his coaches, and in his younger years his third- and fourth-team coaches were young and dynamic coaches who really helped DS and his teammates. The coaches were great: they'd grown up playing and learning a dynamic style of playing that they passed on to their team.

Last year DS's coach got an offer to coach a top-level team at a club. Good career-wise for the coach, but sad for my DS. Because there was so much change going on, we thought it might be time to try out for one of the more competitive teams at one of the local clubs. He made it on fairly easily. The coach said that he had unusually good soccer sense for his age (U12). This club has a DA team, and he's playing on the NPL team one level down from the DA team.

This team as a whole is at a higher-level, there's no question. DS has gone from being a bench player to starting within a season. But here's the thing: I don't think DS is learning nearly as much as he used to learn, and I don't think he's having as much fun. I feel like he's plateaued on skills acquisition whereas before, I could just see him absorbing more and more, even though this team takes up more time. Also, and more worrying for me, he doesn't seem to have as much joy in it. I don't really care if he plays in college (DS really wants to play in college). I want him to keep playing through high school because I think high school athletics are valuable. I am worried he's just going to burn out, though. He is talking about playing DA, but I've watched the DA team and I don't think it's necessarily a good idea.

We're thinking about taking him down a level and letting him have individual coaching with the coaches he loved (who like the idea). But I've heard other coaches/parents say that at U13, if you pull a kid down to anything under NPL, they won't get back to NPL or DA levels again. I think that seems kind of silly but I don't know much about this world.

DS is ambivalent. He doesn't love his current team but he loves soccer and wants to play at a competitive level. He seemed pretty relieved, though, when I told him that he could move down and we'd support it, and I think at some level he really likes the idea. He's mentioned it multiple times to me since I raised it.

Have any of you ever done this? Is moving down really such a dramatic move?

Talk about over reaction. It is a new team, new coach and new club and only October. Chill out. If he isn’t complaining you shouldn’t be.

OP here. This is his second season with the team. The switch was last year, not this year.

Got it.

You can get some skill work on the side, players can never get to much footskills work. He can play wall ball or get some online videos and just plain juggle for 30 minutes every other day or so too.

The tactical part of the game is harder to gauge growth for a number of reasons including the fact that you may not be privy to what the coach's expectations are and if your son is doing what is asked of him or not.

It is better to learn the tactical part of soccer when your player is surrounded by technically skilled players who can execute the tactical aspect of the game plan. So in my estimation, this is not the time to move your son unless his playing time sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, take it from a long-time veteran of soccer in this area, you need not worry about what anyone else is doing---or that you are going to ruin your child's future at 11-years old by this one choice. It is very hard to tune out the crazy parents around you, but it's necessary. You are already on the right path by looking at your own child as an individual and what his needs are at this current time and place.

There are two camps in the travel soccer world.

1) The parents that are very focused on political gain from the start---they have to start at Club X and do everything in their power to rise or stay at the top from U9 onward. They will buy training from a Coach--even knowing that particular coach may not be the best trainer because they are looking for an angle, an "in" (yes--parents have told me they do this). They will do anything and everything a Club asks of them--even when it is having a negative impact on their kid and their family. They are ultimately scared of everything---being blackballed, having their kid not start if they miss something, standing up to a toxic coach, etc. ALL OF THIS BEHAVIOR beginning at age 8! They will tell everyone else ---if you don't do 'a, b and c' you child's chances 5-years down the road are squashed. They emit such tension on the sidelines every game. No surprise--this is much more about THEM, than their child. This area is filled with people like this--not just the sports world but in the academic world as well. SHUT THEM OUT.

2) The minority camp are the parents that wisely are taking clues from their own child and doing their research. Even though their child might make a top team, if they don't feel it's a good match or if it's too much too soon or the environment is too toxic, they politely decline. What someone may view as an inferior choice, e.g., oh--how could you leave for them--they aren't the best and don't play in XYZ league--these parents are looking at the LONG-TERM and what will keep their kid loving the sport and the best developmental track for their child's needs. They are looking at the best trainers--period--not teams. If they sense a kid needs a full off-season break (not Super Y or practices all winter long), they sit their kid and let him just play in the backyard.

U12 is still very young. Here's a little tidbit the type 1) parents don't realize--all of their posturing and sucking up and "commitment/loyalty to a club", skipping family weddings for a game, won't matter when the kid is 15/16. It just won't. The only thing anyone should be worried about is having a kid that wants to be out there and simultaneously making sure their individual development is the best it can be. The golden ticket in the later years is ultimately how good the kid is as a player---not which Club he played with in the early years or what Coaches know his face (though that is a big part of your youth soccer system and why we have players like Bradley (nepotism) on the pitch during the World Cup) or how many Hampton Inns they stayed at throughout the soccer season.

Ask yourself--would you want to play for a place that picks players solely on connections and loyalty---or would you want to play for a place where player talent/hard work is the main factor in the later years?

I repeatedly ask my kids if this is something they really want to do (not just because everyone else on the team is doing it) ---and we weigh the options before committing to anything.

I pulled my kid out of the Club scene at the same age as your child and he is absolutely thriving now. He worked on what he needed, not what a particular team needed. Through the years, we met some really great people that have stuck by my child and helped us with his personal development. These guys have been wonderful mentors for my son and put things in perspective for him. I refuse to drive or fly my kid all over the US at these young ages for regular season games or tournament after unnecessary tournament. It is just plain stupid and not the best thing for development. Your kid will have the upper hand in the later years if you only focus on his own needs, trust me. I know a handful of players that have gone the same route---leaving top Club team/DA/whatever for a few years---and coming back around 15/16 and blowing away the competition. The kids that stayed in that structure environment early on, for the most part, burned out or were cut when better players showed up at tryouts in the later years. Taking my child out of that toxic environment was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Really, very few Clubs actually care about your child. It's a business.

Your kid is giving you clues, listen to them. They will sometimes continue with things because they think it will make us happy. This is their time, not ours.

Find your tribe and keep your kid sheltered and having fun/motivated for as long as you can. Trust your gut and don't look back. This "business" can really mess with a child's motivation, self-esteem, player growth and confidence.

Best of luck to your son.

Best advice ever.

[Anonymous]

So much bad advice on this thread. I coach travel 8-10 year old baseball, so I don't know or care much about soccer. I do know sports and kids though. And I can tell you that with parents like you and the other comminters, it's no wonder the U.S. team can't make the World Cup.

Anonymous wrote:Quote #1: ... Too level travel isn't always the best choice for a kid even if he qualifies for the team. Op, I would really try to pose these questions to as many parents as you can who are involved in travel soccer, bc there can be unintended consequences and you are smart to think ahead. You are also smart to focus first and foremost on your child's growth and happiness. Also, can you ask your son's former coaches these questions? They sound very supportive of your son and they must know the internal politics.

Where to begin?

1. If you're kid makes Travel, then it's best. Duh.

2. So you want to ask the parents of your kid's rivals for PT whether your kid should quit? So you don't just want to save them from bribing the coach, but you want to bribe the coach on their behalf to play THEIR kid, not yours!!!

3. Ask the Nats and the US Soccer Team whether "growth and happiness" 12 years ago matters when your dreams are slipping away on a rainy field. At least MLB learned its lesson and didn't try to give Bryce a "participation trophy".

4. You mean ask the coaches who coached at a lower level because they know the politics? If they were so good with the politics, they'd be coaching at the HIGH level. That's just part of the game. If you want to get championships at U-9 and U-10, you gotta play the game. Just a clue.

*****

quote=Anonymous]OP, take it from a long-time veteran of soccer in this area, you need not worry about what anyone else is doing---or that you are going to ruin your child's future at 11-years old by this one choice. It is very hard to tune out the crazy parents around you, but it's necessary. You are already on the right path by looking at your own child as an individual and what his needs are at this current time and place.

There are two camps in the travel soccer world.

1) The parents that are very focused on political gain from the start---they have to start at Club X and do everything in their power to rise or stay at the top from U9 onward. They will buy training from a Coach--even knowing that particular coach may not be the best trainer because they are looking for an angle, an "in" (yes--parents have told me they do this). They will do anything and everything a Club asks of them--even when it is having a negative impact on their kid and their family. They are ultimately scared of everything---being blackballed, having their kid not start if they miss something, standing up to a toxic coach, etc. ALL OF THIS BEHAVIOR beginning at age 8! They will tell everyone else ---if you don't do 'a, b and c' you child's chances 5-years down the road are squashed. They emit such tension on the sidelines every game. No surprise--this is much more about THEM, than their child. This area is filled with people like this--not just the sports world but in the academic world as well. SHUT THEM OUT.

2) The minority camp are the parents that wisely are taking clues from their own child and doing their research. Even though their child might make a top team, if they don't feel it's a good match or if it's too much too soon or the environment is too toxic, they politely decline. What someone may view as an inferior choice, e.g., oh--how could you leave for them--they aren't the best and don't play in XYZ league--these parents are looking at the LONG-TERM and what will keep their kid loving the sport and the best developmental track for their child's needs. They are looking at the best trainers--period--not teams. If they sense a kid needs a full off-season break (not Super Y or practices all winter long), they sit their kid and let him just play in the backyard.

U12 is still very young. Here's a little tidbit the type 1) parents don't realize--all of their posturing and sucking up and "commitment/loyalty to a club", skipping family weddings for a game, won't matter when the kid is 15/16. It just won't. The only thing anyone should be worried about is having a kid that wants to be out there and simultaneously making sure their individual development is the best it can be. The golden ticket in the later years is ultimately how good the kid is as a player---not which Club he played with in the early years or what Coaches know his face (though that is a big part of your youth soccer system and why we have players like Bradley (nepotism) on the pitch during the World Cup) or how many Hampton Inns they stayed at throughout the soccer season.

Ask yourself--would you want to play for a place that picks players solely on connections and loyalty---or would you want to play for a place where player talent/hard work is the main factor in the later years?

I repeatedly ask my kids if this is something they really want to do (not just because everyone else on the team is doing it) ---and we weigh the options before committing to anything.

I pulled my kid out of the Club scene at the same age as your child and he is absolutely thriving now. He worked on what he needed, not what a particular team needed. Through the years, we met some really great people that have stuck by my child and helped us with his personal development. These guys have been wonderful mentors for my son and put things in perspective for him. I refuse to drive or fly my kid all over the US at these young ages for regular season games or tournament after unnecessary tournament. It is just plain stupid and not the best thing for development. Your kid will have the upper hand in the later years if you only focus on his own needs, trust me. I know a handful of players that have gone the same route---leaving top Club team/DA/whatever for a few years---and coming back around 15/16 and blowing away the competition. The kids that stayed in that structure environment early on, for the most part, burned out or were cut when better players showed up at tryouts in the later years. Taking my child out of that toxic environment was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Really, very few Clubs actually care about your child. It's a business.

Your kid is giving you clues, listen to them. They will sometimes continue with things because they think it will make us happy. This is their time, not ours.

Find your tribe and keep your kid sheltered and having fun/motivated for as long as you can. Trust your gut and don't look back. This "business" can really mess with a child's motivation, self-esteem, player growth and confidence.

Best of luck to your son.




OK Chief, we'll believe you because you're a "long-time veteran" .

Your kid misses reps if he doesn't play travel at U-8 and U-9. Period.

He doesn't learn what it's like to get shoved to the ground against a better player.

He doesn't learn what it's like to have a team dinner with his teammates at Sizzler. As an aside, he doesn't get to work with his teammates to learn how to flirt with girls, by working together as a group to learn how to flatter them. Waitresses are great for this.

The training and coaching economy falls apart if families don't shell out for extra coaching. I make a solid $250 every month coaching kids in their transition from t-ball to coach-pitch. I set the foundetion that they use over time.

There is nothing, NOTHING, like walking through school with your travel uniform on. Smirking at the other kids who can't make travel. It's like waring a letterman jacket but younger.

When you pull your kid out, he doesn't learn teamwork. He also can't show commitment to a program built on the sweat he dropped in his ES and MS years--and the bucks that his parents shelled out.

When I build a program, I want kids whose parents are also commited. I want kids who can open up their indoor gym for practice when it rains. Yeah, that's right, the indoor gym--because that benefits the hole team and gets everyone more reps.

You gotta give to get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS quit soccer for his favorite sport when coaches pressured him to quit other sport. Everyone was shocked. He was 12. He's now a recruited player at 17, and he just started playing again in HS. He's being looked at for both sports. My point is only to tell you that if he loves the sport and is a good athlete, just do what's best for his overall health and development, and don't worry too much about the minutae.

He would of been better if he had played 12-17. He'll never get those years back.

Oh, and "recruited" means ACC or SEC or Big-10 or Pac-10. Not Alcorn State or Marymount or Directional North Dakota U. Just sayin'.