Tween not completing assignments -- what are the consequences?

[Anonymous]

13 yr old. The first time I saw an incomplete assignment, I reminded her to check with the teacher about it... until she did. She is very reluctant to talk to teachers, so it took a week for her to get the courage to talk to the teacher about it. When she did, she figured out what the assignment was and turned it in. I didn't make a big deal about it the first time since it was a new school year.

Now, I see on the grade app that DD has one assignment listed as a zero (or the equivalent) for not turning it in (same class as the first time); and there is another assignment listed as a zero for not completing it (different subject). DD says she doesn't know for sure, but thinks she did turn in the former. She says she forgot to do the work on the latter and it can't be completed now b/c the teacher went through it in class with the answers. So, it looks like the zero is there to stay. It was a study guide assignment. I asked her several times whether she had any homework and she had said no. She does, however, have PLENTY of time to spend on her minecraft server.

So, I am thinking that there have to be consequences for not getting school work done. IMO, doing your work well and turning it in on time should be her priorities. So, I think she should lose phone and laptop privileges for some period of time.... I'm thinking at least until she resolves the missing assignment for the first class and takes the test for the second class (which appears to be imminent since they had to fill out the study guide). Or should it be longer? Like during the weekdays -- no electronics? Or am I going down the wrong path?

How can I make sure DD knows that she has to step up her efforts? That school is important? Right now her response is "well, it's only one assignment" or "it's only 1 point" (the grade book formula switches the percentages to a decimal out of 1.0). I've told her this is not a winning argument (to say that the missed work isn't important.).

How do you react to kids who are not conscientious about doing school work? (yet, have loads of time for electronics)

[Anonymous]

If they don't do their work, they get bad grades. That is the consequence.

[Anonymous]

If they don't do their work, they get bad grades. That is the consequence.

+1. Middle school is the perfect time to learn this lesson for themselves.

I haven't looked at my junior son's grade book since 7th grade. He knows what grade we expect on the report card and he does what he needs to do to get that grade. There might be a zero on a one point assignment along the way. Our relationship is better if I don't nag him or punish him over that one point and he is quite responsible about doing his work on time. If he received a C or a report card that was straight Bs, we would look to see what went wrong, but he hasn't done that.

[Anonymous]

no phone

[Anonymous]

Tell her that grades are important in middle school because they show the child is responsible and does their work.

That grades don't count for everything, because you want her to have outside interests, like Minecraft, and time to hang out with friends, etc.

But that until the grades go up, she can't have her outside interests.

Also check whether she needs organizational help, and whether there isn't some inattentive ADHD going on. Did she actually write the assignments down in her planner? That's the first step. Does she have a homework routine and check her planner and mark off the completed assignments?

I suggest you breathe down her neck for a few weeks on the organizational front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Tell her that grades are important in middle school because they show the child is responsible and does their work.

That grades don't count for everything, because you want her to have outside interests, like Minecraft, and time to hang out with friends, etc.

But that until the grades go up, she can't have her outside interests.

Also check whether she needs organizational help, and whether there isn't some inattentive ADHD going on. Did she actually write the assignments down in her planner? That's the first step. Does she have a homework routine and check her planner and mark off the completed assignments?

I suggest you breathe down her neck for a few weeks on the organizational front.

You consider Minecraft to be a worthwhile outside interest? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13 yr old. The first time I saw an incomplete assignment, I reminded her to check with the teacher about it... until she did. She is very reluctant to talk to teachers, so it took a week for her to get the courage to talk to the teacher about it. When she did, she figured out what the assignment was and turned it in. I didn't make a big deal about it the first time since it was a new school year.

Now, I see on the grade app that DD has one assignment listed as a zero (or the equivalent) for not turning it in (same class as the first time); and there is another assignment listed as a zero for not completing it (different subject). DD says she doesn't know for sure, but thinks she did turn in the former. She says she forgot to do the work on the latter and it can't be completed now b/c the teacher went through it in class with the answers. So, it looks like the zero is there to stay. It was a study guide assignment. I asked her several times whether she had any homework and she had said no. She does, however, have PLENTY of time to spend on her minecraft server.

So, I am thinking that there have to be consequences for not getting school work done. IMO, doing your work well and turning it in on time should be her priorities. So, I think she should lose phone and laptop privileges for some period of time.... I'm thinking at least until she resolves the missing assignment for the first class and takes the test for the second class (which appears to be imminent since they had to fill out the study guide). Or should it be longer? Like during the weekdays -- no electronics? Or am I going down the wrong path?

How can I make sure DD knows that she has to step up her efforts? That school is important? Right now her response is "well, it's only one assignment" or "it's only 1 point" (the grade book formula switches the percentages to a decimal out of 1.0). I've told her this is not a winning argument (to say that the missed work isn't important.).

How do you react to kids who are not conscientious about doing school work? (yet, have loads of time for electronics)

What the heck is a grade app? Do they really allow helicopters to watch every grade every day. So glad my kid's school doesn't do this.

Stop watching. They don't hand the assignments in, they get bad grades. They get bad grades and they don't have their phone or see their friends until their grades are up. Simple as that.

I am sure others will sugar coat it and say check her for disorders, etc... They always do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Tell her that grades are important in middle school because they show the child is responsible and does their work.

That grades don't count for everything, because you want her to have outside interests, like Minecraft, and time to hang out with friends, etc.

But that until the grades go up, she can't have her outside interests.

Also check whether she needs organizational help, and whether there isn't some inattentive ADHD going on. Did she actually write the assignments down in her planner? That's the first step. Does she have a homework routine and check her planner and mark off the completed assignments?

I suggest you breathe down her neck for a few weeks on the organizational front.

You consider Minecraft to be a worthwhile outside interest? Wow.

How stupid can you be???
This is the speech you're going to give to her. Don't shoot down your child's interests right when you're asking for their cooperation. Good Lord. Psychology 101.

And for the record, when it's played in a certain way, Minecraft can be a very creative tool (building) and a problem-solving one (survival mode). It's one of the better games out there. I know a lot about video games, and they're not all a waste time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13 yr old. The first time I saw an incomplete assignment, I reminded her to check with the teacher about it... until she did. She is very reluctant to talk to teachers, so it took a week for her to get the courage to talk to the teacher about it. When she did, she figured out what the assignment was and turned it in. I didn't make a big deal about it the first time since it was a new school year.

Now, I see on the grade app that DD has one assignment listed as a zero (or the equivalent) for not turning it in (same class as the first time); and there is another assignment listed as a zero for not completing it (different subject). DD says she doesn't know for sure, but thinks she did turn in the former. She says she forgot to do the work on the latter and it can't be completed now b/c the teacher went through it in class with the answers. So, it looks like the zero is there to stay. It was a study guide assignment. I asked her several times whether she had any homework and she had said no. She does, however, have PLENTY of time to spend on her minecraft server.

So, I am thinking that there have to be consequences for not getting school work done. IMO, doing your work well and turning it in on time should be her priorities. So, I think she should lose phone and laptop privileges for some period of time.... I'm thinking at least until she resolves the missing assignment for the first class and takes the test for the second class (which appears to be imminent since they had to fill out the study guide). Or should it be longer? Like during the weekdays -- no electronics? Or am I going down the wrong path?

How can I make sure DD knows that she has to step up her efforts? That school is important? Right now her response is "well, it's only one assignment" or "it's only 1 point" (the grade book formula switches the percentages to a decimal out of 1.0). I've told her this is not a winning argument (to say that the missed work isn't important.).

How do you react to kids who are not conscientious about doing school work? (yet, have loads of time for electronics)

What the heck is a grade app? Do they really allow helicopters to watch every grade every day. So glad my kid's school doesn't do this.

Stop watching. They don't hand the assignments in, they get bad grades. They get bad grades and they don't have their phone or see their friends until their grades are up. Simple as that.

I am sure others will sugar coat it and say check her for disorders, etc... They always do.

Totally agree. Give them a chance to make a mistake and figure it out without you greeting them at the end of the driveway with an inquisition for each misstep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no phone

Unless the phone is some distraction affecting school work, I don't see how this is an appropriate punishment.

[Anonymous]

All these apps have led to such micromanaging.

She is old enough to be making her own decisions. Stop checking her every grade. If she starts failing courses or her not handing in assignments is problematic, the teacher will let you know.

I don't put 100% effort into every minute of my job. Very few people do. So she didn't do an assignment worth 1%, how does this matter in the grand scheme of life?

She has absolutely no need to take any responsibility for her self as you are hovering over her shoulder micromanaging her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13 yr old. The first time I saw an incomplete assignment, I reminded her to check with the teacher about it... until she did. She is very reluctant to talk to teachers, so it took a week for her to get the courage to talk to the teacher about it. When she did, she figured out what the assignment was and turned it in. I didn't make a big deal about it the first time since it was a new school year.

Now, I see on the grade app that DD has one assignment listed as a zero (or the equivalent) for not turning it in (same class as the first time); and there is another assignment listed as a zero for not completing it (different subject). DD says she doesn't know for sure, but thinks she did turn in the former. She says she forgot to do the work on the latter and it can't be completed now b/c the teacher went through it in class with the answers. So, it looks like the zero is there to stay. It was a study guide assignment. I asked her several times whether she had any homework and she had said no. She does, however, have PLENTY of time to spend on her minecraft server.

So, I am thinking that there have to be consequences for not getting school work done. IMO, doing your work well and turning it in on time should be her priorities. So, I think she should lose phone and laptop privileges for some period of time.... I'm thinking at least until she resolves the missing assignment for the first class and takes the test for the second class (which appears to be imminent since they had to fill out the study guide). Or should it be longer? Like during the weekdays -- no electronics? Or am I going down the wrong path?

How can I make sure DD knows that she has to step up her efforts? That school is important? Right now her response is "well, it's only one assignment" or "it's only 1 point" (the grade book formula switches the percentages to a decimal out of 1.0). I've told her this is not a winning argument (to say that the missed work isn't important.).

How do you react to kids who are not conscientious about doing school work? (yet, have loads of time for electronics)

What the heck is a grade app? Do they really allow helicopters to watch every grade every day. So glad my kid's school doesn't do this.

Stop watching. They don't hand the assignments in, they get bad grades. They get bad grades and they don't have their phone or see their friends until their grades are up. Simple as that.

I am sure others will sugar coat it and say check her for disorders, etc... They always do.

Starting in MS, you get a weekly up-to-the-minute rundown of your child's grades in each class, along with how they did on each assignment. Welcome to your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13 yr old. The first time I saw an incomplete assignment, I reminded her to check with the teacher about it... until she did. She is very reluctant to talk to teachers, so it took a week for her to get the courage to talk to the teacher about it. When she did, she figured out what the assignment was and turned it in. I didn't make a big deal about it the first time since it was a new school year.

Now, I see on the grade app that DD has one assignment listed as a zero (or the equivalent) for not turning it in (same class as the first time); and there is another assignment listed as a zero for not completing it (different subject). DD says she doesn't know for sure, but thinks she did turn in the former. She says she forgot to do the work on the latter and it can't be completed now b/c the teacher went through it in class with the answers. So, it looks like the zero is there to stay. It was a study guide assignment. I asked her several times whether she had any homework and she had said no. She does, however, have PLENTY of time to spend on her minecraft server.

So, I am thinking that there have to be consequences for not getting school work done. IMO, doing your work well and turning it in on time should be her priorities. So, I think she should lose phone and laptop privileges for some period of time.... I'm thinking at least until she resolves the missing assignment for the first class and takes the test for the second class (which appears to be imminent since they had to fill out the study guide). Or should it be longer? Like during the weekdays -- no electronics? Or am I going down the wrong path?

How can I make sure DD knows that she has to step up her efforts? That school is important? Right now her response is "well, it's only one assignment" or "it's only 1 point" (the grade book formula switches the percentages to a decimal out of 1.0). I've told her this is not a winning argument (to say that the missed work isn't important.).

How do you react to kids who are not conscientious about doing school work? (yet, have loads of time for electronics)

What the heck is a grade app? Do they really allow helicopters to watch every grade every day. So glad my kid's school doesn't do this.

Stop watching. They don't hand the assignments in, they get bad grades. They get bad grades and they don't have their phone or see their friends until their grades are up. Simple as that.

I am sure others will sugar coat it and say check her for disorders, etc... They always do.

MCPS has a grade app that replaced Edline.

Getting a grade for an assignment after the teacher went over the answers would be like buying a lotto ticket after the winning numbers are announced. The teacher is right to refuse credit.

[Anonymous]

One thing she really needs to learn is to not be afraid of interacting with her teachers. It will become more and more important as she gets through middle and into high school. She seems anxious. I would email the teacher and give her a heads up that you told your DD to speak with her and maybe the teacher can initiate the interaction. But it sounds like most of the missing grades could be resolved by your DD talking to the teachers, so that should really be a skill you work on with her. (Have her role play the conversation with you if she doesn't know what to say.)

Otherwise, I don't allow electronics until past due things are turned in and the day's homework is done. (Our school sends home a written warning when an assignment is not done, so I get that right away, which is nice. Sometimes online systems are not updated so it can be tough to track when you have a kid who needs some extra attention. (As some kids do.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they don't do their work, they get bad grades. That is the consequence.

+1