Tween not completing assignments -- what are the consequences?

[Anonymous]

my rule for DD is one missed assignment means 1 week without the phone. She went from missing about 10-20% of her assignments to 1 all of last year.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Just fyi...re: the study guide assignment that can't be made up. It is not 1% of her grade. Her grade dropped 6 percentage points for getting the equivalent of an F on this one assignment. As more points are added this quarter via tests and assignments, that one missing assignment will have less impact. But it is not 1% of the whole grade. It shows up as .53/1.0 on the gradebook.

For those who say "live and let live", such an attitude is contrary to the reason the district gives the info to parents and contrary to what teachers sat at BTSN. They want parents to help them by kerping tabs on kids....at leadt in ms.

[Anonymous]

Say at BTSN. Not "sat"

[Anonymous]

If she's at a new school, I'd think that you'd want to coach and teach to be sure she has the skills rather than punish. And I concur with the others that MS, where grades don't count, is the perfect time to teach kids to manage their work and their grades.

[Anonymous]

They get bad grades, then they don't get the privileges that are tied to grades in our family. We don't care much about individual assignments but we expect acceptable results overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They get bad grades, then they don't get the privileges that are tied to grades in our family. We don't care much about individual assignments but we expect acceptable results overall.

Does't that just make the stakes higher? If you wait for a final quarter grade to get involved or have consequences? I'm not concerned about a kid getting a C on an assignment. I'm co cerned about not doing assignments or turning them in. I don't expect 100%s on all work...nobody's perfect. But I do expect my kids to do their work before they relax and play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Tell her that grades are important in middle school because they show the child is responsible and does their work.

That grades don't count for everything, because you want her to have outside interests, like Minecraft, and time to hang out with friends, etc.

But that until the grades go up, she can't have her outside interests.

Also check whether she needs organizational help, and whether there isn't some inattentive ADHD going on. Did she actually write the assignments down in her planner? That's the first step. Does she have a homework routine and check her planner and mark off the completed assignments?

I suggest you breathe down her neck for a few weeks on the organizational front.

np this pp is spot on. My kids have ADHD inattentive/executive function issues and this is what they would do. Before I lower the boom find out the reason for it. My kids cared no matter how much they said "it didn't matter" I went to an executive functioning information session at my kids' school and they said it is classic to have the kids rather say "I failed becasue I didn't study" rather than "I studied and then failed"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Tell her that grades are important in middle school because they show the child is responsible and does their work.

That grades don't count for everything, because you want her to have outside interests, like Minecraft, and time to hang out with friends, etc.

But that until the grades go up, she can't have her outside interests.

Also check whether she needs organizational help, and whether there isn't some inattentive ADHD going on. Did she actually write the assignments down in her planner? That's the first step. Does she have a homework routine and check her planner and mark off the completed assignments?

I suggest you breathe down her neck for a few weeks on the organizational front.

np this pp is spot on. My kids have ADHD inattentive/executive function issues and this is what they would do. Before I lower the boom find out the reason for it. My kids cared no matter how much they said "it didn't matter" I went to an executive functioning information session at my kids' school and they said it is classic to have the kids rather say "I failed becasue I didn't study" rather than "I studied and then failed"

PP- so what did you dofor your ADHD middle schoolers?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your problem (or your DD's problem) is not a grade monitoring, but inability to communicate and to ask questions when something is not clear to her. It is a learned skill that she was suppose to master at least 6 years ago. I would start working on that and see if the grades go up respectively. Just demanding a good grades without giving child a tool to obtain that grade is pointless and will only cause more anxiety.

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Tell her that grades are important in middle school because they show the child is responsible and does their work.

That grades don't count for everything, because you want her to have outside interests, like Minecraft, and time to hang out with friends, etc.

But that until the grades go up, she can't have her outside interests.

Also check whether she needs organizational help, and whether there isn't some inattentive ADHD going on. Did she actually write the assignments down in her planner? That's the first step. Does she have a homework routine and check her planner and mark off the completed assignments?

I suggest you breathe down her neck for a few weeks on the organizational front.

+1

[Anonymous]

A grade 7 student who doesn't hand in a couple assignments that she didn't feel were important is not a sign of psychopathology of a disorder.

[Anonymous]

My kid had a real legit problem with the chaos of his classes and the assignments - seven classes is a lot. Waiting for failure would not have been the way to go because he'd have internalized being a loser, rather than seeing it as an opportunity to learn how to do better.

I checked in every night with him, and we talked (not yelled) about what the electronic gradebook said. I taught him how to write formal emails to teachers to follow up (this is harder for kids than you might think).

We also worked with him on developing a system, since he couldn't figure this out on his own.

And, there were penalties (screen time loss) for not following the program: of writing stuff down, telling the truth to us when asked, following up, and working with us to double check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Just fyi...re: the study guide assignment that can't be made up. It is not 1% of her grade. Her grade dropped 6 percentage points for getting the equivalent of an F on this one assignment. As more points are added this quarter via tests and assignments, that one missing assignment will have less impact. But it is not 1% of the whole grade. It shows up as .53/1.0 on the gradebook.

For those who say "live and let live", such an attitude is contrary to the reason the district gives the info to parents and contrary to what teachers sat at BTSN. They want parents to help them by kerping tabs on kids....at leadt in ms.

If you always carry them, they will never learn to walk. Sometimes they fall down. Sometimes it hurts, a lot. That's how you learn. Would any of you want someone breathing down your neck every.single.day? Teach them to fear failure, let them know that the slightest misstep in middle school could cost them their entire future and you will have a kid who doesn't know how to recover, doesn't know how to innovate and is afraid to tell you anything.

[Anonymous]

Focus on the organizational side of it -- is she writing down all her assignments? Does she have a system for making sure that the work gets done? At this age, it's not about the grades, it's about making sure that kids have the right tools.