No passion or romantic feelings for spouse

[Anonymous]

Before I am crucified, let me say that I have tried! We have been to counseling, I've thrown everything into the marriage, tried faking until I make it, but it seems like I am trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. Nothing I have done has made me think of my spouse as anything but a friend. I do not enjoy sex and I don't enjoy kissing. We have kids and we are friends, which is what is keeping me for now. But I'm 38, I want to enjoy sex and have a romantic connection with someone. Anyone else in the same position? Any last ditch advice for bringing back feelings, or did you divorce?

[Anonymous]

Can you pinpoint a time where things shifted? If so, what happened? Are you both committed to making this work? How does your DH feel?

[Anonymous]

So what...you've been married 5-10 years now? Relationship has run its course. I think it happens to most marriages.

[Anonymous]

Ahh I wish I had an answer, but am wondering this too. Has anyone successfully brought feelings back??

[Anonymous]

What does he weight? Has his appearance gone downhill?

[Anonymous]

Is he bad in bed? How regularly do you orgasm with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you pinpoint a time where things shifted? If so, what happened? Are you both committed to making this work? How does your DH feel?

Unfortunately our sexual connection was never that great and it has been going downhill for years. The romantic connection, which I think is seperate, also was not incredibly strong, but was killed over a period of time, starting 5 or so years ago when each of us got wrapped up in our own lives and started resenting each other. Obviously that is something we have worked on in therapy, I've tried to fake it, etc. it's not coming back.

My spouse has much stronger feelings for me, I believe and would be crushed by a break up. Another thing keeping me. I love my spouse, just like a friend or sibling. I am wracked with guilt.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a midlife crisis. Hormones are shifting. Life options are dwindling. Maybe there's a guy at work who seems interested. Nice, stable husband is boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a midlife crisis. Hormones are shifting. Life options are dwindling. Maybe there's a guy at work who seems interested. Nice, stable husband is boring.

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

So what. You're otherwise happy? Your kids are happy? Be happy with what you have. Because losing the great things you do have and making everyone else sad just to make this one part of your life better seems silly and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what. You're otherwise happy? Your kids are happy? Be happy with what you have. Because losing the great things you do have and making everyone else sad just to make this one part of your life better seems silly and selfish.

Coming from some who has what OP wants

[Anonymous]

Does he abuse you in any way ? Does he drink/do drugs ? Stay out all night ? Want his friends to come first ? Gambles ? Cheats ? Ignores you and the kids ? Does nothing around the house ? Lazy ? Can he cook and clean ? Does he work ? Bring in decent money ? Keeps you in poverty ? Controls everything ?

If the answer is no to any of these questions, you need to count yourself lucky because romantic love only happens in movies and sex is only a small part of love.

You complain so much about so little. Life isn't about you and your stimulated heart/vagina.

Do you not read the shitty husband posts here ?????

If you don't want him, give him to someone that can appreciate him and his good husband qualities. And yes, that grass is almost never greener on the other side but go ahead and be selfish. He and the kids will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't end a stable marriage to someone who is my best friend until my kids were grown. Your first priority should be raising those kids in a stable home, not finding a new guy to make your heart skip a beat. I'm sorry your marriage is boring but your kids will be out of high school before you can blink.

[Anonymous]

I have been married for nine years but at this point you need to work for romance. You have to do fun things as a couple, hold hands, have sex regularly, have really deep conversations. You need to consistently remind yourself of your best times together. It's work, just like everything else in life. We disrespect the work of controlling our feelings but it's necessary and not meant to be exciting, just like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. I've said it before but if you just let feelings come and go and control your life you will never be satisfied. Don't be pulled around by temporary feelings. Work to have something real.

[Anonymous]

This was me exactly. Divorced. We didn’t have kids. I’m in a long term relationship now (longer than I was married) and couldn’t be happier and more in love.