Picky eater is parent's fault?

[Anonymous]

When I ask people advice for how to change a picky eater (2 year old), e.g. cooking recipes, sometimes they get annoyed, & tell me that because I, as a parent, give way & cause this to happen. They say if I can be firm by just offering what food you want him eat, ignore his whining/crying, he would eventually be hungry & give up & eat. Or else, just send him to daycare now ASAP since daycare teacher would not give him any empathy & let him cry it out to learn it in a hard way. If I don't know what/how to do as a parent, the daycare would do the parenting for you.

A lot of time at mealtime, he decline the healthy balanced food I want him to eat. He would rather drink water & go hungry. He is below 5 percentile weight, so a lot of them, I give up & give him a peanut butter cheese sandwich (not his favorite, but he would eat couple bites) or couple crackers instead. A couple times, he skipped the dinner meal with empty stomach with sleepless night whining/crying, & the next day morning, I give up & give him a muffin(his favorite) and he gives me a big smile with sparkling eyes. Every time, I second doubt myself should I continue to do this. It is true that I normally give up after a couple tries, not that firm. Pediatrician always keep telling me to keep offering at each mealtime even he declines/refuses, and I do follow this though.

I am suspicious that my 2 year old has sensory issue with eating, since he never touches/eats any mushy & wet food, and does not like any textures that require tearing with his teeth, like meat. But he has no problem with chicken nugget & pizza, hard candies though. And, my parents also give way to him in terms of feeding when I go to work during the workweek. It is not anything helpful either.

By the way, he is going to daycare next year September.

[Anonymous]

you don't need recipes, you need to withhold junk food like pizza and muffins. as in - do not buy do not keep in the house. "All out of it sweetie".

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are willing to invest some time in this, please read How to Get Your Kid to Eat, but Not Too Much by Ellyn Satter.

Also, I just wanted to highlight this:

A lot of time at mealtime, he decline the healthy balanced food I want him to eat.

Young children need a lot of fat in their diet, and as a society conditioned to think fat = bad, sometimes we don't recognize our children's need for it.

My son will gobble up the cauliflower with cheese sauce that I cook for him. I also add butter to other veggies like broccoli. Since he needs fat anyway, it is fine to combine a very healthy vegetable with some fat to make it tastier.

[Anonymous]

What is a peanut butter cheese sandwich? Please say there should be and or between those words.

[Anonymous]

My parents raised my brother and I in the same household, with the same foods, with the same approach to food. I hated everything and am a picky eater now. He's not. It's not you.

[Anonymous]

My DS, age 5 has been going to daycare since 6 months old and is an extremely picky eater. Yes daycare does offer a food variety of fruits, veggies, etc... but they can not force him to eat it and seeing the other kids eat does not influence him in anyway. He gets by on the carbs and some proteins they offer and drinks milk and this keeps him satisfied. They also have snack twice a day so no one is ever really hungry. I have all but given up on offering veggies at home. I eat them daily and offer them and if he attempts to try them he gags and will throw up. Its really frustrating...

[Anonymous]

I don't think daycare helps at all. They offer bad kid friendly food in my opinion- chicken nuggets, french fries, tater tots. Things that reasonably healthy eaters wouldn't touch at all. It means that a lot of kids won't eat better food because they get crap at daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think daycare helps at all. They offer bad kid friendly food in my opinion- chicken nuggets, french fries, tater tots. Things that reasonably healthy eaters wouldn't touch at all. It means that a lot of kids won't eat better food because they get crap at daycare.

my day care offers none of these things. They have a very balanced menu that's approved by the DC dept of eduction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think daycare helps at all. They offer bad kid friendly food in my opinion- chicken nuggets, french fries, tater tots. Things that reasonably healthy eaters wouldn't touch at all. It means that a lot of kids won't eat better food because they get crap at daycare.

Disagree. My toddler is a much picker eater at home than at daycare. We have to send lunch, so she's literally gobbling down the same thing she rejected the day before. I think it's a combination of peer pressure to eat when other kids are eating, plus they're much more active so hungrier during the day. I don't think this would work with a kid with genuine food aversions, but it really helps my normal, strong willed toddler.


OP, if he's below the 5th % in weight and you suspect a sensory issue, I'd make an appointment with a feeding therapist. Kids with genuine food issues WILL go hungry rather than eat because it's more than just stubbornness. I agree that you should start with reading one of the Ellyn Satter books, the feeding therapist I know says this is the best method for kids with genuine food issues. Then talk to your pediatrician about your concerns about his pickiness being a symptom of sensory issues. If the pediatrician doesn't take it seriously, then find a feeding therapist that will.

[Anonymous]

Pickiness in terms of aversion to a texture or flavor profile probably has nothing to do with parents (my kid hates white potatoes, for example...yes, this includes french fries, although she could eat her weight in sweet potato fries). But pickiness in terms of holding out for junk food is definitely on the parents/caregivers.

Agree with PPs re: making specialist appointments, but start with some small changes: If muffins are a hit, try making your own with carrots or zucchini (the Jessica Seinfeld approach), or even "egg muffins". Also, how's your diet? Does your child see you eating and enjoying a variety of foods?

[Anonymous]

It seems that if your kid is this bad, you need to change your approach and lower your standards, find compromises with what he can eat. I think at this point being malnourished is worse than eating pizza. I'd go back to giving comfort foods that he enjoys, then gradually start introducing other food that fits his preferences (not mushy) in a judgment-free way. He might never get used to the new foods, but he might just expand his repertoire a little, if it's done gradually. Kids go through stages where they are more/less picky. But there are always those who are extra picky. My brother was like that, but he's fine as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Haven't you heard, OP?

As a parent, you can't win, ever. It's ALWAYS going to be your fault if there's an issue, particularly if you're the mother (and you have to have a pristine house and a career and never forget any appointment or in-laws' festivities). And if there's a success, it's always the child's own effort that will be lauded, not yours.

That's what you sign up for as a parent - the growth of a thicker skin. Learn to celebrate your achievements all on your own, and with like-minded friends.

And spare a thought for us, parents of children with special needs. We get the worst of it.

[Anonymous]

Look up ARFID? I pray your child does not have that because my friend's son does and it's awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a peanut butter cheese sandwich? Please say there should be and or between those words.

FYI, peanut butter and Swiss cheese is delicious!

[Anonymous]

Not your fault. I have 3. One eats everything included stinky raw cheeses. One basically only eats fruit and carbs and one is sort of in the middle. We've always fed them all the same and they've been this way from birth. Can't take credit or blame.