Unhealthy family members

[Anonymous]

As I've gotten older and started a family, leading a healthy lifestyle has become very important to me. I try to eat healthy and stay moving a good amount of the time. As my extended family (parents, in-laws etc.) age I see what divergent oaths we are on. My kid's grandparents are needlessly suffering in their late 50s and 60s because they choose to not exercise and subsist on very unhealthy diets. It really hurts to see them throwing their lives away like this. And they are unable to be more active grandparents because they are always sick (diabetes, etc). How do others handle this? They just think I'm a health nut when I try to talk about them eating better. I hate watching and participating in this train wreck.

[Anonymous]

My sister in law is a health nut. She has tried for years to get us to eat organic, to give up meat etc etc. I hate it. I live my life how I want, and make my own choices. I don't need her pointing out the benefits of healthy living. Be content with your health status and try not to worry about others choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law is a health nut. She has tried for years to get us to eat organic, to give up meat etc etc. I hate it. I live my life how I want, and make my own choices. I don't need her pointing out the benefits of healthy living. Be content with your health status and try not to worry about others choices.

OP here. It is not my intent to nag adults. The family members who in particular are problems are parents. Their poor health choices impact our life. They are not able to be productive grandparents, and are fast tracking their way to needing to be cared for. I have no problem caring for aging parents who cared for me as a child. However, I think it is selfish to dig your own grave, not give back as a grandparent, and expect caretaking for preventable illness in your 50s and 60s. Their poor choices impact us financially and emotionally. I would never treat my kid like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law is a health nut. She has tried for years to get us to eat organic, to give up meat etc etc. I hate it. I live my life how I want, and make my own choices. I don't need her pointing out the benefits of healthy living. Be content with your health status and try not to worry about others choices.

OP here. It is not my intent to nag adults. The family members who in particular are problems are parents. Their poor health choices impact our life. They are not able to be productive grandparents, and are fast tracking their way to needing to be cared for. I have no problem caring for aging parents who cared for me as a child. However, I think it is selfish to dig your own grave, not give back as a grandparent, and expect caretaking for preventable illness in your 50s and 60s. Their poor choices impact us financially and emotionally. I would never treat my kid like that.

You sound like a selfish a hole. You show no concern for their quality of life. All you care about is that they aren't "giving back as grandparents" (wtf!) and you are dreading some imagined future where you have to take care of them. You must not realize what an ass you are; otherwise, you wouldn't have written such things about your OWN FAMILY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law is a health nut. She has tried for years to get us to eat organic, to give up meat etc etc. I hate it. I live my life how I want, and make my own choices. I don't need her pointing out the benefits of healthy living. Be content with your health status and try not to worry about others choices.

OP here. It is not my intent to nag adults. The family members who in particular are problems are parents. Their poor health choices impact our life. They are not able to be productive grandparents, and are fast tracking their way to needing to be cared for. I have no problem caring for aging parents who cared for me as a child. However, I think it is selfish to dig your own grave, not give back as a grandparent, and expect caretaking for preventable illness in your 50s and 60s. Their poor choices impact us financially and emotionally. I would never treat my kid like that.

You sound like a selfish a hole. You show no concern for their quality of life. All you care about is that they aren't "giving back as grandparents" (wtf!) and you are dreading some imagined future where you have to take care of them. You must not realize what an ass you are; otherwise, you wouldn't have written such things about your OWN FAMILY!

NP. I'm with OP. It is selfish to inflict your preventable problems and the results of your poor choices on your family. As a parent, I would never sign my kids up for decades of caring for my failing body after I've spent my whole life abusing it. It's incredibly taxing emotionally, physically, and financially on the kids.

[Anonymous]

If you believe that these people do not have all of the information that they need to make informed decisions about their lifestyle, then offer that information- ONCE. After that it is 100% up to them to make changes; harping on it won’t benefit anyone. You can’t force them to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I've gotten older and started a family, leading a healthy lifestyle has become very important to me. I try to eat healthy and stay moving a good amount of the time. As my extended family (parents, in-laws etc.) age I see what divergent oaths we are on. My kid's grandparents are needlessly suffering in their late 50s and 60s because they choose to not exercise and subsist on very unhealthy diets. It really hurts to see them throwing their lives away like this. And they are unable to be more active grandparents because they are always sick (diabetes, etc). How do others handle this? They just think I'm a health nut when I try to talk about them eating better. I hate watching and participating in this train wreck.

Mind your own business. That's how. Judgemental people like you are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Op, put a sock in it. I have seen many of my friends wreak good years with their parents because the young people are critical. What a waste. It is more of a waste than the prospect of family living a shorter life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, put a sock in it. I have seen many of my friends wreak good years with their parents because the young people are critical. What a waste. It is more of a waste than the prospect of family living a shorter life.

OP here. I should also clarify that this more than prospective health I'm talking about. This is ACTUAL health. One grandparent is completely incapacitated and unable to work due to preventable illness. We are expected as a young family to always travel to families ur parents to visit because they are too sick to get on a plane. It's one thing if they are sick and can't help it. But they are wasting good years defying their doctors instructions and expect us to pick up the financial slack. While the financial piece is a strain and annoying, it's even worse to have to sit back silently watching them suffer over daily cake, soda, and fried chicken.

[Anonymous]

I mean, could they really turn the corner now even if they made changes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, put a sock in it. I have seen many of my friends wreak good years with their parents because the young people are critical. What a waste. It is more of a waste than the prospect of family living a shorter life.

OP here. I should also clarify that this more than prospective health I'm talking about. This is ACTUAL health. One grandparent is completely incapacitated and unable to work due to preventable illness. We are expected as a young family to always travel to families ur parents to visit because they are too sick to get on a plane. It's one thing if they are sick and can't help it. But they are wasting good years defying their doctors instructions and expect us to pick up the financial slack. While the financial piece is a strain and annoying, it's even worse to have to sit back silently watching them suffer over daily cake, soda, and fried chicken.

Man you sound awful. Perhaps your parents are trying to find solace in life since they have such a terrible child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, put a sock in it. I have seen many of my friends wreak good years with their parents because the young people are critical. What a waste. It is more of a waste than the prospect of family living a shorter life.

OP here. I should also clarify that this more than prospective health I'm talking about. This is ACTUAL health. One grandparent is completely incapacitated and unable to work due to preventable illness. We are expected as a young family to always travel to families ur parents to visit because they are too sick to get on a plane. It's one thing if they are sick and can't help it. But they are wasting good years defying their doctors instructions and expect us to pick up the financial slack. While the financial piece is a strain and annoying, it's even worse to have to sit back silently watching them suffer over daily cake, soda, and fried chicken.

Man you sound awful. Perhaps your parents are trying to find solace in life since they have such a terrible child.

Oh please. Would you feel the same if they were drinking themselves to death rather than eating themselves to death? That OP should stop being critical and just suck it up and deal with their self-inflicted problems, to the detriment of her own family?

[Anonymous]

Op, you are still pretty young if your parents are in their 50's and 60's.

Good for you for wanting to be healthy. Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep. Stay away from drugs, alcohol and tobacco.

But realize...no matter how perfectly (or imperfectly) you do things, there are never any guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

While I don't disagree with you at all, I think you are going to drive yourself crazy if you can't find a way to come to peace with this being the reality and forgiving them for making those choices and forgiving them for how those choices affect you and your children.
You are responsible for yourself, including your actions, reactions, emotions and feelings. They are responsible for theirs. Neither of you have a right or ability to change the other.
Also, you should create your boundaries. You don't have to pick up all of their pieces just because they keep dropping them. It doesn't make you a bad daughter to decide what will and won't work for you.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a horrible person. My dad is 72, works full time at a tech company and sits all day at work and then for his hour commute each way. Doesn't work out. Drives everywhere. Healthy as a horse.

You only care about their health in relation to what kind of grandparents they can be to YOUR children.

I'm 5'4", 245lbs, walk to and from work, use a standing desk, and walk to almost all my errands. Today I walked 8,667 steps (I am not carrying my phone while at work, so probably more). Despite being obese, I have no diabetes, cholesterol is healthy, blood pressure is normal, hips and knees are fine. And I can run after a kid faster than you. But more importantly, I wear sunscreen, I vote, I'm kind, I volunteer and donate, I help friends move, and I hold doors for people.