For those who talk, text, email family daily - what helped you be so close?

[Anonymous]

I have two brothers and no one in my family is close. I would love for things to be different for my two kids. I do realize there is an element that is out of my control - but did your parents do anything to help facilitate a close relationship?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

Growing up our parents always made it clear that we needed to be kind and loving to one another and that we woukd always take care of each other.

We were a big family (6 kids) and we always stepped in for our sibling to fill voids that our parents could not fill. My dad could be exceptionally disfunctional, and we tried to help one another through the hard spots.

We also had a lot of fun together, giggling, sharing stories, enjoying on another's company. We fought, but if anyone from the outside messed with us we would circle the wagons.

[Anonymous]

I come from a family of five girls. My dad has two sisters. My mom has three sisters. Everyone is super close. The running family joke when any sisters fight is "She's like your only sister! Well, not really, but she COULD be."

I think it was our parents example of reaching out to siblings, over and over, in different ways, throughout our childhoods. An uncle picked me up from school once when I had to go home sick. A cousin came to visit my sister right after getting her braces off with a bunch of foods you can't eat with braces. We had sleepovers.

Now, as adults, my sisters and I agreed that we wouldn't marry anyone if one of us disliked the guy. We live within 3 blocks of each other, and are raising all our kids the same way. They see us running over with a dress for a sister who has an interview. They get a knock at the door when a spouse is traveling, with a meal for dinner. We go on vacations together. One sister lent another sister her car when a car broke down.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? Having a sister (or two!) is the common denominator in all remarkably close families I know.

[Anonymous]

Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

[Anonymous]

Op - thank you for these responses. Each one means a lot to me.

[Anonymous]

I only have one brother (though I'm female so I guess I'm the sister, in a PP's comment!) but we and our parents are very close. I think it is that we were always treated equally and so neither of us has ever resented the other. It helps probably that we are equal in many ways in terms of intellect so we ended up at similar schools, and though our careers are very different, we are both at similar levels of success.

[Anonymous]

Another perspective - I am close to my one sibling, but we talk or FT once a week or less. Text slightly more frequently. We're both introverts, talking everyday would be stifling.

[Anonymous]

I talk to my mother daily but this is only in the last few years. For most of my life she drove me crazy. Now I find her fairly pathetic and she's not so triggering. It's more an act of compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? Having a sister (or two!) is the common denominator in all remarkably close families I know.

when sisters are close, it's great. But when sisters don't get along, it's really, really awful.

(In one side of my extended family, the sisters just don't get along. Its happened a couple of times in multiple generations, and the sibling conflict has created all sorts of awful schisms throughout the entire family. For that reason I've always been glad that I don't have a sister.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

This is such a bizarre response to OP’s question.

[Anonymous]

My father died early and my mother was a hot mess which basically caused the siblings to stick together in order to survive. We've had period of ups and downs, but generally being interested in the mundane parts of their daily lives and being supportive in times of need has kept us all in touch with each other on a regular basis. As we've gotten older it's just become the norm now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? Having a sister (or two!) is the common denominator in all remarkably close families I know.

when sisters are close, it's great. But when sisters don't get along, it's really, really awful.

(In one side of my extended family, the sisters just don't get along. Its happened a couple of times in multiple generations, and the sibling conflict has created all sorts of awful schisms throughout the entire family. For that reason I've always been glad that I don't have a sister.)

But you ARE the sister, right?

[Anonymous]

Making time for each other, visiting even when it's not the most convenient thing. While at the same time having patience and realizing everyone has their own lives to tend to.

It's a balance of spending time and allowing space. It's something my parents modeled for us. No grudges over a missed Xmas, no guilt or pressure to show up to Thanksgiving. But still making time to see each other, even if holidays didn't work out.

If you use guilt as a weapon it is the fastest way to drive anyone away. Be open, be loving, be happy to see someone however many times a week/month/year that may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

This is such a bizarre response to OP’s question.

Not really. Bizarre only to White people.