For those who talk, text, email family daily - what helped you be so close?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talk to my mother daily but this is only in the last few years. For most of my life she drove me crazy. Now I find her fairly pathetic and she's not so triggering. It's more an act of compassion.

[Anonymous]

The sudden death of a sibling. Huge wake up call. I never end a convo without saying I love you. You never know when it will be the last.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my early 30s, and definitely at the age where it's clear some people really love and enjoy and cherish time with their families, and some do it minimally / out of obligation only. So in general, major +1 to having at least one daughter/sister in the family, from what I've seen. I also think fostering good downtime memories when the kids are growing up also helps (have nightly family dinner, take regular family vacations). But also: the parents' attitude as kids cross from childhood to adulthood is huge. Some parents continue to treat their children as children, they nag and judge and make snide little comments here and there. They use guilt trips to get kids to call / visit more. Surprise surprise, visiting and staying in touch becomes more of an obligation; an unpleasant chore. So, then there's the opposite: be accepting and fun. Don't just talk AT your children, talk with them. Foster a new friendship-level relationship with them. Make your home a happy and welcome and fun place to be - don't nag them about visiting (or about not going out to see friends, etc, when they visit from out of town). If possible, continue to take family vacations once your kids have grown and married - that kind of bonding experience and the memories made go a long way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

This is such a bizarre response to OP’s question.

Not really. Bizarre only to White people.

Nope. Just plain bizarre. Brings that poster's intelligence into question, for sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talk to my mother daily but this is only in the last few years. For most of my life she drove me crazy. Now I find her fairly pathetic and she's not so triggering. It's more an act of compassion.

I...don't think think that counts.

[Anonymous]

For us it is likely a combination of things. For one, our parents are really close to their siblings, and we spent a lot of time in our childhood at large family gatherings that form the base of our fondest childhood memories. That modeling created an expectation of what family is and how you behave in a family. So now our kids are also seeing the same modeling in action and have never been on a vacation that didn't include most of the cousins and even second and third cousins.

We fought like a pack of wolves when we were little and had plenty of sibling rivalry. But if something was up, we were always there for each other. We also had a few significant family tragedies that required us become responsible for each other, but we knew how to do that because of that foundation of family modeling (and great neighborly behavior too -- which I add because if you don't have that family model for your kids, you can create it in your circle of friends).

[Anonymous]

We're twin sisters. She is the other half of my heart.

Now, obviously there are twins who aren't close (my MIL is one of such a pair), but in my case, we went through some particularly unique circumstances together, which only made us grow closer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

Almost all of this but I'm a white Christian.

My parents made it clear we were a family unit and were still very close. By no means perfect but we have each other's backs and support decisions that can mean big moves, partners, etc. and so on. It does drives me nuts sometimes but I'd prefer this to the alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

This is such a bizarre response to OP’s question.

Not really. Bizarre only to White people.

NP. I had to reread it a few times but I'm guessing the poster meant to say she herself I s liberal, compassionate, spiritual, non-white, and non-Christian. But I could be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

This is such a bizarre response to OP’s question.

Not really. Bizarre only to White people.

Nope. Just plain bizarre. Brings that poster's intelligence into question, for sure

Look at the person who shot all those people in Las Vegas. His brother is saying that it was a surprise that he turned out to be a criminal. This kind of disconnect mainly happens in White families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two brothers and no one in my family is close. I would love for things to be different for my two kids. I do realize there is an element that is out of my control - but did your parents do anything to help facilitate a close relationship?

Crisis brought us together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

All.of the liberal families I know have siblings who hate one another.

What a crock full of untrue generalzations and stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

My parents modeled good family behavior. They called their parents on the phone and visited when they could, they made an effort to get together with their siblings. Family being important was a core value.

My husband's parents avoided their siblings and rarely reached out to their own parents. He acts the same way toward his nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

This is such a bizarre response to OP’s question.

Not really. Bizarre only to White people.

Nope. Just plain bizarre. Brings that poster's intelligence into question, for sure

Look at the person who shot all those people in Las Vegas. His brother is saying that it was a surprise that he turned out to be a criminal. This kind of disconnect mainly happens in White families.

Um what? I am pretty sure the parents (usually mothers who think their son could never do anything like this...again) of the gang bangers in Chicago feel they are connected to their completely depraved and inhumane children who have shot babies in strollers. Disconnect comes in many forms my friend.

OP, for us it is a shared bond over our lives. One sibling has managed to become an outsider but the rest of us talk constantly. We all were very close growing up and close in age. Our parents were very good about not treating one different than the other. The 4 of us who are in constant contact speak daily either by text or phone. Our vacations are to see each other so our kids can grow up together too. They are my people and I love them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who loved each other and put family first. No history of divorce, cheating, addiction, abuse, adultery. Educated and moral parents. Liberal, compassionate, spiritual. Non-White, Non Christian. Gave the same amount to everyone and divvied up the property equally.

This is such a bizarre response to OP’s question.

Not really. Bizarre only to White people.

Nope. Just plain bizarre. Brings that poster's intelligence into question, for sure

Look at the person who shot all those people in Las Vegas. His brother is saying that it was a surprise that he turned out to be a criminal. This kind of disconnect mainly happens in White families.

And every night on the local news DC families say the same thing when someone is involved in gang violence.

Your stereotyping does not beling here.