Spouse raised by single parent

[Anonymous]

My spouse wasn't raised with a father figure at home. I feel like this has had a big impact on our marriage, as it just feels like he doesn't know how to be a husband. It sounds weird but where does one go to learn how to be married? What books can be read?

[Anonymous]

Maybe therapy?

[Anonymous]

My XH was abused and grew up in a split home. He also did not know how to be a husband. I troed to communicate with him what I needed, but he was using his childhood as an excuse to treat me poorly and to emotionally abuse and control me.

Not saying it is this, just watch for it.

[Anonymous]

My XH was raised with parents who are still married, but he didn't know how to be a husband.

My DH was raised by a divorced mom of 5 in rural poverty and he's awesome.

Motivation is huge. And there are so many self-help modalities for marriages. Plus, being a good husband to one's wife is very subjective. Even if my ex had done for me what his dad did for his mom (put her on a pedestal and gave her a weekly allowance of spending money),it wouldn't have been right for me.

People who were abused as kids can grow up to be excellent parents, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe therapy?

We do couples therapy. We haven't been going long. So far he doesn't do many of the things requested in therapy. I was wondering if there were other resources he could use in addition to therapy to learn marital skills.

[Anonymous]

What kind of marital skills are you referring to?

[Anonymous]

Barack Obama was raised by a single parent and has what appears to be a great marriage.

I was raised by two parents but am a mess in relationships.

No correlation as long as you have at least one loving, supportive parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Barack Obama was raised by a single parent and has what appears to be a great marriage.

I was raised by two parents but am a mess in relationships.

No correlation as long as you have at least one loving, supportive parent.

Clearly you are not a stats major.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Barack Obama was raised by a single parent and has what appears to be a great marriage.

I was raised by two parents but am a mess in relationships.

No correlation as long as you have at least one loving, supportive parent.

Clearly you are not a stats major.

LOL next she'll cite Bill Clinton's great marriage.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to you, OP.

My DH is actually the son of a man who had a long term affair with his mom. He has a full brother as well in the same situation. The mom was the dad's mistress for over 30 years.

I think this is really the worst situation because my DH up with a mom who was happy with a man who was rarely actually present and gave only financial support. In his mind, that is all a man really has to do.

It has been an uphill battle to communicate my needs in a husband. I will say that I believe it has been helpful for us to have him witness my own parents in action, as he respects them. He has become better as time goes on, but he is always somewhat grumbly about what he views as the restrictive role of husband from the point of view of chores etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse wasn't raised with a father figure at home. I feel like this has had a big impact on our marriage, as it just feels like he doesn't know how to be a husband. It sounds weird but where does one go to learn how to be married? What books can be read?

Have him try Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life.

[Anonymous]

My ex was raised by a single mom and I actually think it made him a better spouse. He was really into what women want and need. He was better at gifts than anyone I had ever met and he was sensitive. His mom had taught him what not to do.

He was messed up in so many ways by having a needy single mom, but he wasn't a bad husband because of it.

[Anonymous]

What about children raised in households where one spouse is mentally affected and the kids depend on the other parent for routine, meals, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Barack Obama was raised by a single parent and has what appears to be a great marriage.

I was raised by two parents but am a mess in relationships.

No correlation as long as you have at least one loving, supportive parent.

No he wasn't. He was raised by his grandparents and abandoned by his parents. Get it straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Barack Obama was raised by a single parent and has what appears to be a great marriage.

I was raised by two parents but am a mess in relationships.

No correlation as long as you have at least one loving, supportive parent.

Mrs. Obama has been extremely candid that it wasn't always roses and took a lot of work, especially early on when he was broke. Major respect to them for holding on until things improved.